Talk:First Battle of Beruna
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|First Battle of Beruna was one of the Language and literature good articles, but it has been removed from the list. There are suggestions below for improving the article to meet the good article criteria. Once these issues have been addressed, the article can be renominated. Editors may also seek a reassessment of the decision if they believe there was a mistake.|
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|First Battle of Beruna was selected as the Narnia Portal's selected article of the month for October, 2006.|
I took the liberty of cleaning this article up a little. I hope the original author doesn't mind me stripping out parts of his writeup. - 22.214.171.124 16:59, 15 April 2006 (UTC)
The problem with this article is the tense. Articles describing fiction need present tense. Wiki-newbie 11:37, 21 December 2006 (UTC)
- Present tense? Are you sure, I was going to see about posting a comment here about reviewing, but that doesn't seem right to me.... Homestarmy 02:00, 6 January 2007 (UTC)
- Articles about fiction typically are written in the fictional present tense. Sometimes exceptions are made; for example, if, while talking about action in a novel, one reflects on a past action. e.g. (if this had happened in the book) Susan, during her coronation, thinks about the horror when the White Witch sacrificed Aslan, but put the thought out of her mind as he crowns her Queen Susan of Narnia. (Not the greatest sentence, but hopefully you get the idea.) However, instead of reviewing I just relisted the article for GA. --Fbv65edel / ☑t / ☛c || 17:32, 6 January 2007 (UTC)
I think I see part of the problem here, what's happening is the first section in particular is written as if the reader already knows most of the things about the book. For instance, it doesn't define what "Narnians" are or provide a wikilink, or who "Lucy" is and the wikilink is below the first mention. The content should be able to stand alone, nothing complicated, just a few more words describing each thing might be good enough. Homestarmy 20:15, 12 January 2007 (UTC)
Please consider seeking a Peer Review for some useful suggestions of improvement. Congratulations to the main editors of the article, and Happy Editing!
Rather weak GA
I won't immediately delist this article, but I think there are some very serious problems both regarding WP:MOS and factual representations within the piece.
- The lead is too short and does not adequately explain (either in-universe or out), the significance of the battle. There should also be few if any references in the lead, what follows later in the article should back up statements in the lead negating the need for references.
- The main body of the article is simply a blow-by-blow of the events as recounted first in the book and subsequently in the 2005 adaptation. There is no attempt to discuss the reasons why the battle happened in-universe or its context in the storyline and more seriously, no assesment of the battle's similarities to real world battles, its influences, its concepts or its real world consequences.
- The description of the scene in the film is verging on a copyright violation and in any case once again gives no real world perspective - is it similar to other battle scenes in recent movies? What were the filmmakers inspirations in creating it? Why is only one screen adaptation mentioned, there are several others  what did they look like and what was the inspiration behind their production?
- The final section is also improperly sourced, making several judgements without attribution and the article as a whole provides virtually zero critical commentary and very few secondary sources.
If nothing is done on this over the next few days, I will delist this as a good article because as it exists, it does not stand up against the criteria. Please contact me if there are any questions about my comments above.--Jackyd101 02:41, 5 August 2007 (UTC)
- Its been a few days and no work has been done, so I'm delisting the article. --Jackyd101 12:24, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
- Hey, these are completely valid concerns, and I agree with the delisting of the article. I hadn't seen your comments before, have been a little busy updating Harry Potter articles. This article does not address the out-of-universe significance of the battle at all, which certainly does not meet WP:WAF guidelines. Thanks for noticing this -- hope to address these concerns some time soon. --Fbv65edel / ☑t / ☛c || 15:04, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
Where is it stated that wolves are in Aslan's Army?126.96.36.199 17:52, 2 November 2007 (UTC)
I don't remember seeing that either, but I could be wrong. Mr Tumnus —Preceding unsigned comment added by 188.8.131.52 (talk) 09:48, 3 November 2007 (UTC) Sorry. That was me. Mr Tumnus 09:51, 3 November 2007 (UTC)