- I have decided to place this article on hold to allow time for the below concerns to be addressed. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:17, 18 August 2010 (UTC)
Writing and formatting
- I realize that you identify the Irish police force as "Garda Síochána", but it would still be helpful to define "gardaí". In general, you want to make the article as universally understandable as possible, so Ireland-specific terms should be defined/explained/linked where possible (for example, sixth class)
- Explained these terms a bit better I think. It's a bit confusing because Gardaí can refer to the force itself as well as individual members. I have capitalized instances where I am referring to the force. Quasihuman (talk) 12:25, 19 August 2010 (UTC)
- Don't use "th" in dates
- Don't use "The" at the beginning of a section heading
- Fixed, although I am not quite satisfied with "Killings" as a heading ,and prefered "The Killings". Quasihuman (talk) 18:28, 19 August 2010 (UTC)
- I would suggest rearranging the first paragraph of the lead into chronological order
- Some problems with the use of hyphens - see WP:HYPHEN for guidance
- I think I've fixed this, there is one doubtful case within a quote which I've left as is. Quasihuman (talk) 11:28, 19 August 2010 (UTC)
- Could use more internal links, for example learning disability
- "the sooner he admitted, the sooner he would be released" - should say either "admitted his crimes" (or similar wording), or replace "admitted" with "confessed"
- "The first interview was vague and contained a number of inaccuracies" - this sentence is vague and doesn't seem to fit where it is
- I have removed this sentence, and fleshed out the inaccuracies in a new paragraph, hope that's OK. Quasihuman (talk) 18:26, 19 August 2010 (UTC)
- "the decision to terminate the recording was prompted by the gardaí prior to the second interview beginning" - grammar
- "Dr Gisli Gudjonsson,a psychologist engaged by his solicitors" - Lyon's solicitors or the doctor's?
Accuracy and verifiability
- Use consistent date formatting in References
- Ref 2: page(s)?
- Use consistent reference formatting
- What makes Breakingnews.ie a reliable source?
- Use "pp" only for multiple pages
- The link is helpful, but an explanation of "'Walter Mitty' character" would enhance the reader's understanding
- I'm not sure how to do this without either putting words in someone's mouth (that is a quote from one of the investigators), or adding a sentence explaining the term, which, in my opinion, would interrupt the flow of that paragraph. Wikipedia articles often have words and terms that might not be known to all readers, I think that "Walter Mitty character" is a widespread enough term to merit standing on its own. A quick look through other articles which use "Walter Mitty character" or "Walter Mitty type" shows that other editors do not feel the need to explain the term. Quasihuman (talk) 20:19, 19 August 2010 (UTC)
- Is there any further information available about the killings themselves? The section is very short
- I have added more on this section. There is a great deal of information in the commission report on the injuries sustained by the women, however, I was inclined to give only a brief overview on this subject, as a lot of the details are quite disturbing, and in my opinion would not add greatly to the article. Quasihuman (talk) 20:19, 19 August 2010 (UTC)
- You should refer to the victims as "women" except where quoting
- "The level of mutilation was said to have never been encountered in a murder investigation in Ireland before" - said by who? Source?
- The source for that is this Irish Times article, unfortunately not available without subscription. The article does not specify who said that, but the impression is that it was the investigators of the crime. Would you like me to remove that?
No concerns noted
No concerns noted