Talk:James Reimer (ice hockey)/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 04:57, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Lead
  • NHL acronym in parenthesis needed in first sentence.
    Done.
  • WHL Bantam Draft can be linked
    Done
  • The ECHL is no longer known as the East Coast Hockey League. Their official name is the acronym.
    Done, I keep forgetting that.
  • Remove the sentence regarding his minor hockey awards; they are not notable enough to be included in the lead.
    Done.
  • AHL acronym needed
    I didn't have the acronym there because AHL isn't used again in the lead. I usually stick with the convention that there is no need to define one that isn't used. When it is used later, it is defined. Let me know what you think.
    Fair enough.
  • Back-to-back sentences start with "After.."; reword.
    Done
  • I feel like you should include the fact that South Carolina also won the Kelly Cup in his MVP season.
    Done
  • Link the seasons
    Done
Minor hockey
  • What came of the agent noticing him? Ie. who was the agent representing? Also, you say he was "first noticed" by this agent, but wasn't he first noticed by the minor hockey coach who recruited him?
    He is still represented by the same agent, which is mentioned later. The agent wasn't representing anyone, I assume he was trolling for clients. I meant "first noticed by an agent" as a phrase, to mean attracting the attention of outside observers. Also, I moved this so the paragraph flows a bit better chronologically.
    Seeing as it's the first mention of the agent in the article, you should include his name. Perhaps you should also include here that Reimer has retained this agent through his professional career. The statement by itself in the paragraph seems a little out of place.
    Added the name, and mentioned that he is still represented by the same agent.
  • Sentence "The Red Deer Rebels..." lacks flow with the rest of paragraph. Comes along quite suddenly.
    Adjusted this a bit.
    I kind of feel like this statement should be moved down to the junior hockey section; it still seems kind of awkward sitting there. It's not in chronological order with the rest of his minor career it just seems weird to be splitting up prose regarding his draft in two different places.
    I just went ahead and fixed it myself. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 00:33, 27 March 2011 (UTC)
Junior hockey
  • Unlink Red Deer Rebels and abbreviate Western Hockey League in first sentence.
    I usually have kept the convention of defining abbreviations once per section (link on the TOC, someone could jump there and not see it defined earlier).
    The point's now moot given my revision to the beginning of the section, but could you provide the link to the MoS stating that convention? (just so i can brush up on it..)
    I don't know that it is in the MoS, it is a convention I have always followed in any writing that is broken up into sections, without a defined list of abbreviations.
  • Either remove apostrophe on "Rebels' head coach". Apostrophe only appropriate if you say "the" beforehand.
    Fixed
  • Fix World U18 link.
    Done
  • Ferguson's "raw" comment needs some explanation. Paraphrase what he means for the reader.
    Added an explanation in addition to the quote.
  • Link Vancouver and spell out BC
    Done
  • Change "prior to the 2006 and 2007 seasons" to "in 2006 and 2007"
    Done
  • As per WP:ORDINAL, use digits instead of spelling out numbers in appropriate cases. Taken from the MoS regarding numbers: "Comparable quantities should be all spelled out or all figures: we may write either "5 cats and 32 dogs" or "five cats and thirty-two dogs", not "five cats and 32 dogs".
    I think I got all of these.
  • "This was the only season in his WHL career that Reimer finished the season with a winning record" -- redundant use of "season"
    Removed.
  • No comma after "The 2007-08 WHL season..."
    Removed.
  • Last two sentences of section need to be reworded. Remove double use of "including" in same sentence and the use of present tense in the last sentence. Also, use an em-dash instead of a regular dash.
    Fixed these up.
    Further revised the contract prose. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 00:33, 27 March 2011 (UTC)
Professional
  • Date of first AHL win? Score? Amount of saves?
    Added date, score and that it was in a shootout.

This is as far as I've got so far.. will return to complete review later. Cheers.. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 04:57, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

Thanks very much for your comments so far! I appreciate the feedback. Canada Hky (talk) 17:09, 25 March 2011 (UTC)
Professional (cont'd)
  • "two stints with the Marlies" -- I know that you mean he was re-assigned and called back up on two occassions, but this is not clear with your current wording. Go into more detail, ie. "he was re-assigned to third-tier Reading Royals of the ECHL before being called back up in... in second stint with Marlies, he recorded his first win... sent back down, finished the season with W, L, T, GAA, Sv% in the AHL and.... in the ECHL." Or something to that effect.
    Split this up a little bit better.
  • Include full team name of the Reading Royals in first mention of body.
    "After starting the season with the Marlies, Reimer was assigned to the Reading Royals of the ECHL." Have I missed an earlier mention?
  • Seeing as his time with the Stingrays ended with an MVP and championship, perhaps you could include more detail. Ie. stat lines, who they beat in the final.
    Added some stat details.
  • I realize there's a link to the Gardiner Cup, but seeing as it's a relatively unknown tournament, perhaps you could explain the nature of the competition in the prose.
    Added.
Playing style
  • The first sentence of this section doesn't strike me as relevant to his playing style. Work it into the professional career section. There's also a lot of quotes throughout the article. Consider paraphrasing the quotes in this section to alleviate this.
    Moved Wilson's quote, which only leaves a single quote in the section.
  • What makes his style unique?
    I wouldn't like to say, that's the opinion of Justin Goldman as quoted in the Globe and Mail.
  • Is he a butterfly goalie or a standup? Any goaltending profile should have some kind of characterization with these sorts of terms in mind.
Personal
  • Continue using "Reimer"; don't use James.
  • Similarities between his father's job and goaltending are not necessary.
  • Another comma after "April" needed.
  • His agent is not a personal life matter.
Nevermind about these actually; just went ahead and revise it myself.
I re-revised here a bit. The source doesn't actually say when he met his wife, just that it was at a game in Moose Jaw. I also clarified - Morweena isn't his hometown, I'm guessing his hometown is too small to have a high school.
Other
  • Stats need totals.
    Regular season stat totals added. I didn't add playoff totals yet, as ther eis just a single season for each league right now.
  • Date style in Ref 20 doesn't match the rest.
    Is this the ECHL ref? I believe that is how the cite web template formats the published date when there is no authour provided.
  • Consider a succession box for his Kelly Cup MVP award.
    Not a huge fan of succession boxes, I don't remove them but I generally don't add them.
  • Anti Niemi and Ron Wilson need to be disambiguated.
    Done
  • It's not necessary for GA, but try adding some alt texts to the images.
    Added

Some more work to do, but nothing huge. Rather than have you make a bunch of minor edits, I ended up just doing a copy edit myself throughout the rest of the article. Good luck! Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 00:33, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

Cool, looks good! I made some additional revisions to close out the GAN and promote the article. I googled the high school and it is, in fact, in Arborg, so I re-inserted the fact it's in his hometown. Also did some prose revisions to the playing style and the ECHL playoffs. Other than that, good work! Yayy for GA.. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 07:44, 28 March 2011 (UTC)