Talk:Lafargue Clinic/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Renata3 (talk · contribs) 03:21, 15 November 2018 (UTC)


Images
  • Add church's pic? Or the parish house?
Added from St. Philip's page. There was an image of the clinic with indeterminate copyright that was removed.
  • I don't think there is enough FUR justification for Wertham's portrait
You're right. I've removed it.
Yes. I have amended the description page.
Other
  • Article overuses long direct quotes (they make the article read as a magazine story, not encyclopedia entry). Of 2500 words of readable prose, more than 1000 words are long quotations. Please consider rephrasing and summarizing the quotes. In particular I found these on the too-much side: "Weston's health inititiave....", "In the hands of children and adolescents at Lafargue...", "had convinced several of his fellow lawyers", "We would like you to testify..." (just plain asked to testify is sufficient), "...for the important assistance which you gave...", "the product of a complex interaction among psychiatrists," "Fredric Wertham and his colleagues at Lafargue".
  • The two color boxes for quotes need inline refs.
Done.
  • IMHO, Ralph Ellison box better belong in "operations" section
  • What's the purpose of the Fredric Wertham box?
To illustrate the connection between Wertham and Wright, as well as to highlight Wertham's dedication to the hospital.
  • Don't think separate "Discrimination in New York hospitals" section is needed -- text should be integrated into the general background section or removed (it goes a little off topic)
  • The two cases specifically mentioned (Rachel and Chris) have nothing to do with mental health -- it might show the variety of cases handled, but in the absence of mental health cases they look weird.
This was included to demonstrate that the clinic served as a pathway for blacks to receive proper medical care.
More info needed
  • Brown v. Board of Education - in lead, introduce what this case is about and why important (not everyone knows)
Done.
  • when Fredric Wertham agreed to see author Ralph Ellison - in which year?
  • The 47 volunteers - need time frame, I would assume this is the total number of volunteers during the entire 12 yrs of service
  • opened a facility called the Northside Center - when, where?
  • ended their sessions at Lafargue due to the pain of the procedure - I read this to imply that the boy was getting spinal tap at Lafargue, is that right? But that is outside the scope of mental health?
  • received $72,000 in funding - can use {{inflation}} to give a sense of the amount in today's dollars
  • [The Brown v. Board decision] was not based on primitive insignificant dolls play - whose quote is that? and is it needed?
  • lead mentions "Wertham and Mosse's published research from this time" but the article body says nothing about publications (just trial testimonies)
  • any info on number of patients served?
  • any info on funding sources? it just says it did not get gov's money in 1954.
Prose
  • Named for French Marxist physician Paul Lafargue... in lead is a run-on sentence, please break up into two.
This sentence has been fixed.
  • clinic only operated for 12 years - I think it should be clinic operated only for 12 years, no?
I'm not convinced it needs to be changed.
  • 1954 work Seduction of the Innocent - work title should be in italics
Done.
  • article in Free World - work title should be in italics
Done.
  • who at that time was chief psychiatrist at Queens General Hospital - should probably move to the first time he is introduced in the section
  • antiblack discrimination - just sounds awkward, there are better ways to say it (e.g. discrimination of the blacks)
I think the proposed change sounds much more awkward than what exists in the prose.
  • as was common at the time - as it was common at the time?
Changed to "as was common practice at the time."
  • Plessy v. Ferguson - needs italics
Done.
  • Jim Crow - not wikilinked
Done.

Overall, an interesting article, just needs some work. Renata (talk) 03:21, 15 November 2018 (UTC)

  • I have placed the article on hold. That starts the 7-day period. The major concern is the over-use of quotations. Renata (talk) 16:05, 18 November 2018 (UTC)