I cant make sense of this: "He served in a staff post at the Ministry of Defence in 1982 and on his third tour in Northern Ireland, as a brigade commander, in the early 1990s". He served in a staff post at the MoD on his third tour?
Your rewrite left what seemed to be an awkward gap between a one year appointment and a deployment to Northern Ireland almost 10 years later, so I added a bit. MalleusFatuorum 19:47, 25 February 2011 (UTC)
"In 1994, he deployed for his first tour in the Balkans, where he commanded a multi-national division of the Implementation Force. Following a staff job, Jackson was appointed commander of NATO's Allied Rapid Reaction Corps ...". Is the chronology here that he was deployed as a divisional commander, then given a staff job somewhere (in Kosovo?) and then appointed commander?
Fixed, I think.
"He also convened an inquiry into allegations that British soldiers had abused Iraqi prisoners". This doesn't quite work, at leas in part because of the "also". The previous sentence talks about Jackson taking up his post as head of the army a month before the stat of the Iraq war, but the way this sentence is phrased makes it look like he set up the inquiry at the same time.
Removed, since it's not so important it needs to be in the lead imo.
"He has three children, including a son whom he commanded in Kosovo, from two marriages." We've already been told that Jackson commanded his son in Kosovo in the second paragraph.
I believe so. The London Gazette (the official record of such things) calls it an appointment and we're referring to a membership of an order rather than the medal that signifies it.
Is it in some way significant that Jackson doesn't speak publicly about his divorce?
It's not just the divorce he doesn't speak about, it's the marriage. I thought it worth mentioning because it produced two children, including a son who followed in his footsteps, so to speak, but very little (including his first wife's name) is written about the marriage because he speaks so little about it.
Hmmm. The way it's written – "The marriage produced two children (Amanda and Mark) before ending in a divorce in the early 1980s that Jackson does not speak of publicly" definitely makes it look like it's the divorce he doesn't speak of, not the marriage, but it's your call. MalleusFatuorum 19:47, 25 February 2011 (UTC)
"He was appointed Honorary Colonel of the Territorial Army's 2nd Battalion (Volunteers) The Royal Gloucestershire, Berkshire and Wiltshire Regiment ... the first ever honorary colonel of the Rifle Volunteers". Which is it to be, capitalised or not?
"In 1998 he was appointed Colonel Commandant of the Parachute Regiment, succeeded by Sir John Reith in 2004, and Colonel Commandant, Adjutant General's Corps, succeeding Sir Jeremy Mackenzie, until he was succeeded by Sir Freddie Viggers in 2005. I know nothing succeeds like success, but there are limits.
Ha! Point taken. I've reworked it a bit
"Ainsworth stated that the UK only had the capacity for a small increase of troop numbers in Afghanistan". Are we sure that "capacity" is the right word here? My dictionary defines "capacity" as the ability to contain, or hold. Capability? Seems a little strange to me anyway. Same with "... the draw down of troops from Iraq meant the UK had capacity for a larger increase".
That's about it I think, the review is now on hold. MalleusFatuorum 17:45, 25 February 2011 (UTC)