|This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Assigned student editor(s): Jay516.|
|WikiProject Medicine / Neurology||(Rated Start-class, Mid-importance)|
12/15: Final draft
- PEER REVIEW OF ABOVE
- Increased from Stub to Start, good job!
- Overall: Copy-edited some typos, follows the wikipedia manual of style, although the manual puts Scope before History so you might consider flipping those. Rather than leaving headings with no text underneath, either delete the heading or make sure each heading has at least one sentence underneath for future editors to expand later. In previous discussions the class thought it looked better to not leave headings alone.
- Lead: Recommend expanding lead. Consider writing one sentence or one paragraph per section.
- History: Define/simplify unfamiliar terms [trepanned skull?]. Some dates in the first paragraph would be helpful - approx dates of egyptian, greek findings, years for Dr. Ibsen [earlier than the 20’s?]. Also you say “Dr. Ibsen...birthed the intensive care unit” and then that “Dr. Safar is credited with creating the first intensive care unit in the United States” it seems that the organization of this sequence of events could be clarified a bit.
- Scope: Nice use of layman’s terms for various conditions (e.g. swelling of the brain for intracranial edema). Consider putting “neurointensive care team” as a subheading under “scope” since scope is “typical diseases/medical conditions and important subspecialties.”
- Neurointensive care centers: The sentence in this section seems to define what a neurointensive unit is, which is already explained a little in scope and history. It seems the information here as is belongs in scope.
- Neurointensive care treatments: Pretty good selection of treatments. I added the word “celsius” to the hypothermia section. If you have the time consider adding some context to hypothermia. Spell out abbreviations like ICP and TPA. Expand on the TPA section if possible. “Neuromuscular diseases” section doesn’t seem to be about a treatment. Perhaps this information belongs under Scope, as an example of the types of diseases treated in neurointensive care. NewDancinShoes (talk) 07:02, 13 December 2017 (UTC)