Talk:Nier (video game)/GA1
Never played the game, and only vaguely aware of it. Some thoughts from the prose:
- "Keiichi Okabe of Monaca" What is Monaca? A place? A company?
- "or other video game genre" Singular or plural?
- "While traveling the player can come across monsters" Presumably the player doesn't choose to, which is what the current phrasing implies
- What literary genre does this fall under? I was assuming we had a Japanese "dark" fantasy, but suddenly there's a mention of robots?
- "Nier can attack these creatures with a one-handed sword, and later in the game a two-handed sword or a spear. These weapons can be customized to have greater damage and abilities using materials that can be purchased, dropped from monsters, or scavenged around the world, and multiple different varieties of each weapon type can be acquired." This could do with a slight prose massage
- A stronger rationale is really needed for File:Nier Screenshot.jpg. What's it there to illustrate? Right now, it just seems to be decorating the plot section
- I think the plot section really needs to be cut down. I'd want to see something half the current length, really. I can't really offer advice as I have not played the game; I'll reserve comments on the prose for after you trim it, if that's possible.
- "The game was first teased in the Official PlayStation 3 Magazine and Official Xbox 360 Magazine, before being officially unveiled in June 2009 at the Electronic Entertainment Expo 2009 for both the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360." Ref?
- "After it was decided to be released for the PlayStation 3 as well" Rephrase?
- "Other than modifying a few lines of dialogue to fit with Nier being a brother rather than a father to Yonah, the developers made no changes between the two versions." And changing his physical appearance, presumably?
- "were done during" Produced? Developed? "done" isn't the best word
- "meant to "accentuate [the] gap between real, modern scenery and the fantasy world," as a" The comma is not in the original quote
- "composed entirely separate from" Separately?
- "NieR Gestalt & Replicant Original Soundtrack" Italics?
- "Nier Gestalt and Nier Replicant" Again?
- Do we have no numbers for sales outside of Japan?
- "has "a supporting cast of genuinely interesting folks," and" Again, commas aren't in the original
- What is Inside Games, and what makes it reliable?
- Is RPGFan reliable?
- Pulling from Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/RPGFan (the music editor at the time): their news has been reprinted by RS's like Wired, Kotaku, 1UP, Joystiq; they've been "quoted in trailers and on the back of box art for games" such as Demon's Souls, they're incorporated in Florida, and they do have editors for both prose and fact-checking. --PresN 22:01, 20 July 2011 (UTC)
- Again with 4Gamer?
- Also large Japanese game site, owned by Aetas company (about us is here, but the text is an image so I can't read it) Listed on the WP:VG Reliable sources page, for what that's worth. Most of what makes it over to English is their interviews, such as this note from Destructoid (); I'm only using an interview of theirs in the article, not their opinion. --PresN 22:01, 20 July 2011 (UTC)
- Some of the sources require a subscription to access. This should be noted in the footnotes.
- Spotchecks (sorry...) are revealing that things cited are not always mentioned in the cite. For instance-
- "In addition to the main plotline, Nier includes numerous side quests which give the player experience points and money. There are also fishing and farming minigames that can give the player items." Experience points and minigames are not mentioned by the cite.
- "On May 11, 2010, Square Enix released a piece of downloadable content for the game, titled "The World of Recycled Vessel". The small expansion features a series of fifteen battles with a younger version of Nier, along with Emil and Kainé. The group enters the battles in a dream world accessed through a diary of Nier's wife, or mother in the case of Replicant. The expansion offers new costumes and weapons for the game." These details are not backed up by the source.
- "the player fends off attacks from ethereal monsters to protect a sick young girl, Yonah. After defeating the monsters, he" The player is not the same as the character
- A source I was looking at mentioned that one character is a hermaphrodite- worth a mention?
- "Kainé's past" What is her past?
- (both of the above) I just cut down the plot! :( Added these in to the last plot paragraph. Let me know if I'm getting across what I mean to- Kaine could hear the shades in the first playthrough, and in runs 2 and higher the player can too, as they now "know" that Kaine can. It's odd- you still control Nier, but you can hear the shades, including the one in Kaine talking to her. I'm not sure how to put it without getting longwinded.
- Thanks! I've been trying to get better at summarizing JRPG plots, I don't always succeed. --PresN 22:40, 20 July 2011 (UTC)
Ok- I'm happy at this stage that the article is suitably well written, sourced appropriately to reliable sources and so on. I'm not sure if you're interested in taking this to FAC, but it may have potential. There are four rather general things I would recommend:
- A good copyedit will never hurt.
- Some more attention to the plot section may be beneficial; it's a very fine balance between keeping it a summary, and including all the important details.
- Make sure that what you've referenced to each source is included in the source- I did do a few more spotchecks, but, I admit, I haven't checked every one.
- The obvious- another look through the sources to see if there's anything else worth including. As a for instance, one interview mentioned that there was some controversy related to Kainé's sex/gender. Worth including?