Talk:Pokémon Sun and Moon/GA1
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- The lead seems to focus a lot on gameplay, but contain nothing about its development.
- Trimmed gameplay a bit and added a sentence on development
- In the gameplay section, the entire first paragraph is unsourced.
- A lot of it is general to Pokemon as a whole, so I added an instruction booklet for a previous game (Black) as a source\
- " If the player then travels to Ten Carat Hill, they will encounter Necrozma, which is said to be highly reminiscent of the Ultra Beasts." i Is this said in the context of the game, or is it a fan speculation? It's hard to tell from here.
- Removed the "reminiscent of the Ultra Beasts" phrase - it's not stated such in game, and easier this way
- There are a couple of uses of "in an interview with [blank]"; maybe rephrase?
- I guess the phrase isn't necessary - removed. Also, it's just a single use?
- "who also was the producer" - Maybe change that to "who was a co-producer" as there's more than one producer credited for the games.
- You've linked IGN three times: in "Plot", "Development" and "Reception". The first instance is necessary as it's just a description of what the islands feel like, which I think can be communicated without IGN being included in the sentence. As to the second,
- Uh, is this an unfinished sentence?
- In general, there's an inconsistency with the italicising of website and journal names in the prose.
- Fixed for the most part, I think
- Citation 2: Link GamesRadar
- In fact, generally link to website and journal names in the citations where possible, as there are too many to cite in a simple review.
- Citation 3: Is there a better source available?
- Replaced with Nintendo source
- Citations 7, 10: Include the publisher, if you can.
- Citations 54 and 65: These need filling out properly, look barebones at the moment.
- 54 is done. Not sure how to fill in 65 - that's a simple web page without any dates on it
- Citation 55: It's "Destructoid", not "Destructor".
- You sure? Anyways, done
- Just to be safe, archive Citations 27, 44, 54, 63, 65, 76 and 77.
- I think IABot is broken for the time being - mind checking, just in case it's on me?
- Citation 73: Missing "publisher".
- Can you find another source for the Famitsu scores? Nintendo Everything's a little rocky for Wikipedia purposes.
- Replaced with Gematsu - though that means the X and Y comparison had to go
- The Reception section needs work. You could expand the prose, include reviewer names, and reduce the number of quotes.
- Some fixing (partial dequoting and a name)
- "According to Nintendo of America, Sun and Moon are also the fastest-selling titles in Nintendo's history." - This belongs in the "Sales" subsection.
- "Later, it was revealed that these are actually new forms for Necrozma, known as "Dusk Mane" or "Dawn Wings", achieved through absorbing either of the two legendaries, in a similar fashion to Black/White Kyurem and Lusamine's mutated form. Amongst other new Pokémon, three new Ultra Beasts have been confirmed to appear - known initially as UB Assembly, UB Burst[e] and UB Adhesive; later to be revealed as Stakataka, Blacephalon, and Poipole respectively." This entire piece is uncited.
- Nuked the piece - a bit too much attention to just the few Pokemon considering the amount of text in the section anyways.
- Review noted - will get around to fixing the issues within a week. Will ping when all are addressed. Juxlos (talk) 18:33, 3 July 2019 (UTC)
- @Juxlos: I've had another look at the article. You seem to have addressed all the issues I raised, though it will needs more eyes and probably a copyeditor's eye if you're planning on taking it further. I'm comfortable giving this article a Pass. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:19, 10 July 2019 (UTC)
- EDIT: If you want to continue work based on my comments and suggestions, please do. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:20, 10 July 2019 (UTC)