Talk:Polyamory

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Quote[edit]

Perhaps include this quote:

If spouses did not live together, good marriages would be more frequent -Friedrich Nietzsche

[Quote 1]

  1. ^ http://nietzsche.holtof.com/Nietzsche_human_all_too_human/sect7_Woman_and_child.htm F. Nietzsche quotes]

— Preceding unsigned comment added by 91.176.13.181 (talkcontribs) 14:27, 2 August 2009

Origin of the term "polyamory"[edit]

The cited source is not a reliable source. Whilst onus is on those including information to provide a reliable source, I would note that even a trivial Google books search reveals references for decades before 1988, and the same site being used as a source for this claim also ran an earlier article which cites the Macmillan dictionary as evidence of usage as far back as the 1960s. ~Excesses~ (talk) 15:14, 29 January 2016 (UTC)

I have no idea why you're adopting such a didactic tone rather than attempting to talk like a normal person, but whatever. Your pedantic approach to this issue could easily be resolved by rephrasing the material to discuss the word's multiple coinings, but I really don't care enough.  — Scott talk 15:35, 29 January 2016 (UTC)

Historical precedents for polyamory suggestion[edit]

This article makes little mention of societies throughout history which widely accept(ed) non-monogamous relationships. A good starting point could be the article on polyandry, which lists dozens of societies (both historical and extant) which practice non-monogamy. Richard☺Decal (talk) 19:04, 28 May 2016 (UTC)

Note: I found this has been previously suggested in the archives a few years ago... Richard☺Decal (talk) 19:08, 28 May 2016 (UTC)

Values section in the main article[edit]

I would suggest modification of the current last two Values: Gender Equality and Non-Possessiveness.

The first part of the Gender Equality paragraph is fine, observing that it's a common characteristic of polyamory to grant all genders equal rights, in contrast to some other forms of non-monogamy. The rest of the paragraph giving examples and a concept that any assymetry (even a negotiated one) is temporary, seems more questionable and less universal, so I would nominate that for deletion. It would be good to cite a reference for the retained portion of this paragraph.

I would nominate the value "non-possessiveness" for deletion. It's true that a portion of the polyamorous community has that value, but it does not seem to be close to a universal characteristic as phrased. Quite a few polyamorists have agreements which could be interpreted as "possessive" in that they may restrict the freedom of partners to engage in whatever sexual or romantic relationships they desire. So I think this is a value which polyamorists are nearly as likely to omit as to endorse, and as such it does not belong in this list.

The earlier values in the list do seem to be common enough to be "typical" or "characteristic" and could be retained as is. They also have references. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 70.36.130.110 (talk) 04:34, 28 June 2016 (UTC)

Updating the definition[edit]

The current definition of "polyamory" on this page is unsourced and is not in keeping with current writing on the topic. The following definitions are from prominent books and websites:

  • From the Polyamory Society: "Polyamory is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultanously."
  • From the nonprofit Loving More: "Polyamory refers to romantic love with more than one person, honestly, ethically, and with the full knowledge and consent of all concerned. Polyamory often involves multiple long-term committed relationships, either separately or together, but it can also come in many different forms."
  • From the More Than Two website: "A polyamorous person is someone who has or is open to having more than one romantic relationship at a time, with the knowledge and consent of all their partners. A polyamorous relationship is a romantic relationship where the people in the relationship agree that it’s okay for everyone to be open to or have other romantic partners. Polyamory is the idea or practice of being polyamorous or having polyamorous relationships."
  • From the book When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous: Understanding Poly People and Relationships by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff (glossary, p. 39): "a relationship style where people have more than one partner with the full knowledge and consent of all their partners."
  • From the book More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert (chapter 1, pp. 7-8): [Polyamory] "means having multiple loving, often committed, relationships at the same time by mutual agreement, with honesty and clarity."

None of these definitions refer to a single relationship with multiple people, as described in the definition currently in the lede: "Polyamory...is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships involving more than two people..." Each of these definitions refer to multiple partners or multiple relationships.

Dr. Sheff is a longtime researcher in polyamory and polyamorous relationships and the author of three books on the subject. Her work is therefore a reliable source, and I am drawing on it (and citing it) to propose the following definition:

"Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships where individuals may have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."

I am replacing the definition in the lede and making other minor adjustments as necessary to the rest of the page to be consistent with the new definition.

Margareta (talk) 01:35, 1 July 2016 (UTC)

Oh, and let's not forget the OED definition: "The fact of having simultaneous close emotional relationships with two or more other individuals, viewed as an alternative to monogamy, esp. in regard to matters of sexual fidelity; the custom or practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the knowledge and consent of all partners concerned." Margareta (talk) 01:47, 1 July 2016 (UTC)