Talk:Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
  (Redirected from Talk:Remember Love (song))
Jump to: navigation, search
WikiProject The Beatles (Rated C-class, Mid-importance)
WikiProject icon This John Lennon and Yoko Ono-related article is within the scope of WikiProject The Beatles, which focuses on improving coverage of English rock band The Beatles and related topics on Wikipedia. Users who are willing to participate in the project should visit the project page, where they can join and see a list of open tasks.
C-Class article C  This article has been rated as C-Class on the project's quality scale.
Checklist icon
 Mid  This article has been rated as Mid-importance on the project's importance scale.
Taskforce icon
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Albums, an attempt to build a comprehensive and detailed guide to albums on Wikipedia.
 


GA Review[edit]

This review is transcluded from Talk:Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:06, 24 July 2013 (UTC)

First comments

  • Is it "avant garde" or "avant-garde"?
  • "Following Lennon's wife, Cynthia Lennon, going on holiday,..." reads very poorly to me. Needs some copyedit.
  • "Lennon and Ono's debut album is known not only for its avant garde content, but also for its cover. The album cover features Lennon and Ono " really repetitive. Lennon, Ono, album cover repeated so quickly, consider a re-word.
  • "To calm down the controversy" -> "In an attempt to avoid the controversy..."
  • "The album.... The album...." repetitive prose.
  • "Beatle John Lennon met " you don't need Beatle.
  • ", thanks to its owner, John Dunbar" would be better phrased to say that it was as a result of Lennon being asked to preview an exhibition rather than this slightly journalistic prose.
  • "The album itself begun..." no, the album didn't begin, perhaps the first stages of the creation of the album began?
  • "when Ono had mention her curiosity into Lennon's" terrible English I'm afraid.
  • "Lennon then proceeded to play her " -> "Lennon then played her...
  • " the rest of the Beatles wouldn't allow" -> "the other Beatles would not".
  • "Ono was awestruck and" sounds POV so needs quotes and attribution.
  • " the pair do their own" make their own.
  • "was an attempt for Lennon" attempt by.
  • "With Ono's Grapefruit in mind, Lennon and Ono had"... "With Ono's Grapefruit in mind, she and Lennon had"

Cutting the review short here I'm afraid. It needs a serious copyedit, perhaps the guild can help? It's a fail at this time. 17:59, 31 July 2013 (UTC)