The Beards (Australian band)

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The Beards (Australian band)
The Beards at APRA Awards, May 2012
Background information
Also known as The Dairy Brothers
Origin Adelaide, South Australia, Australia
Years active 2005–2016
Labels Unsigned
Past members
  • Tom Bettany (a.k.a. Nathaniel Beard)
  • Michael Bidstrup (a.k.a. John Beardman)
  • Joshua Fielder (a.k.a. Facey McStubblington)
  • Joel McMillan (a.k.a. Johann Beardraven)
  • John Beardman, Jr

The Beards were an Australian comedy folk rock band which formed in 2005 in Adelaide and disbanded in October 2016. The group played music themed around the virtues of having a beard. They had developed from a four-piece rock band, the Dairy Brothers, which were established in 2003.

The Dairy Brothers (2003–07)[edit]

The Dairy Brothers were a four-piece rock band based in Adelaide, which formed in 2003, and performed at local pubs and clubs. The band members were Tom Bettany (a.k.a. Tom Rockchild) on bass keytar and vocals, Michael Bidstrup (a.k.a. Bam Bam Bidstrup) on drums, Joshua Fielder (a.k.a. J-Wah!) on guitar and Joel McMillan (a.k.a. Late Joel Milkowski or One Hundred Dollars) on vocals and keyboard.[1][2] The Dairy Brothers released a six-track extended play, Full Cream Ahead (2004), and followed with a second EP, Got Rock? (February 2007).

Andrew Crosbie of MediaSearch caught a performance in Melbourne in December 2006, "their sound, although not completely original, is a breath of fresh air into what can be a slightly stale Australian rock scene. They combine the humorous lyrical stylings of Tenacious D with the driving piano of earlier Ben Folds and a guitar sound that shifts through pinnacle elements of rock from the past thirty years, giving a performance that will keep you in a well humoured and merry state of being."[3]

Formation and early years (2005–09)[edit]

Bettany, Bidstrup, Fielder and McMillan formed the Beards in 2005 in Adelaide to play a one-off show. They rose in popularity and developed a cult following with the release of their first album, The Beards, in July 2007. The band played at the Adelaide venue of Big Day Out in 2008 and 2009.[4] They were active in the Adelaide music scene but were largely unknown beyond their hometown.

In 2009 they released a follow-up album, Beards Beards Beards, and a music video for "If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Beard, You've Got Two Mums",[5] which received positive acclamations and garnered increased interest online, as well as airtime on Australian Broadcasting Corporation music video program, rage. The Beards travelled to Alaska to perform at the opening ceremony of the World Beard & Moustache Championships.[6][7] Upon returning to Adelaide, the band began to tour Australia for the first time.

Tours and further releases (2009–16)[edit]

The Beards went on to tour Australia extensively, releasing their third album Having a Beard is the New Not Having a Beard and producing video clips for the tracks "Got Me a Beard",[8] "Beard Accessory Store",[9] and "You Should Consider Having Sex With a Bearded Man",[10] with the latter single coming 99th place in Triple J's Top 100 list of 2011.[11]

In 2012, "You Should Consider Having Sex with a Bearded Man" was nominated for an APRA Award (song of the year) [12] and the band's third album (Having a Beard is the New Not Having a Beard) was nominated for an ARIA Award (best comedy album).[13]

In 2013 the band travelled to North America, playing multiple performances at SXSW[14] and Canadian Music Week as well as performing showcase sets in LA, Houston, New York and Toronto. They returned to Australia, performing at Bluesfest in Byron Bay.[15] In May 2013, they embarked on the First World Tour,[16] playing shows in Netherlands, Germany, Belgium and the UK, where they appeared at the Bearded Theory Festival, before returning home for the Australian leg of the tour.

In early 2014, The Beards travelled Europe on the Euro-Bout To Grow A Beard Tour[17] with stops in Britain (Stereo, Glasgow;[18] The Glee Club, Nottingham;[19] The Black Box, Belfast[20]), Denmark, The Netherlands and Germany. In Cologne a 90-minute show was recorded for Rockpalast.[21]

On 9 May 2014, The Beards released their fourth studio album, The Beard Album. This coincided with an Australian launch tour, which continued on to Europe in November and December. They stopped again in UK, Denmark, The Netherlands and Germany with additional stops in France, Sweden, Norway and Switzerland.[22] The Beards released the music video of Strokin' My Beard in July 2015. It consists of footage of their last tour shot by fans in the audience.[23]

To celebrate their 10th anniversary as a band, The Beards released a 2-disk compilation/live album Ten Long Years, One Long Beard, featuring never before heard songs and versions, as well as a live concert recording. A new single, also called "Ten Long Years, One Long Beard" was released with an accompanying music video.[24] The Beards' anniversary tour Ten Long Years, One Long Beard started in September 2015 with stops in Sweden, Denmark, Germany, The Netherlands, Switzerland and the UK,[25] before returning home to finish the tour in Australia.[26]

In 2016, the band members announced their decision to discontinue the band as a live touring act. A Farewell Tour commenced in February 2016, with the final date booked for 28 October at The Governor Hindmarsh Hotel ("The Gov") in Adelaide.[27] Bettany later recalled, "After cutting our teeth on the local scene following high school and during uni we formed a band called The Dairy Brothers which actually landed us a Front Bar residency at The Gov. At the time were so stoked to be actually playing at The Gov; was a bit of a dream to be playing there. The Dairy Brothers slowly morphed into The Beards and that became our life for over a decade; something we never could have predicted happening!"[27]


  • Johann Beardraven (Joel McMillan) – lead vocals, keyboards, keytar, saxophone
  • John Beardman, Jr. (Michael Bidstrup) – drums[28]
  • Nathaniel Beard (Tom Bettany) – bass guitar, backing vocals
  • Facey McStubblington (Joshua Fielder) – guitar, electric guitar, backing vocals



  • "You Should Consider Having Sex with a Bearded Man" (18 July 2011, The Beards) [29]
  • "I'm in the Mood... For Beards" (16 January 2012, The Beards) [30]
  • "All the Bearded Ladies" (11 April 2014, The Beards) [31]
  • "I'm Growing A Beard Downstairs For Christmas" (27 November 2015, Kate Miller-Heidke & The Beards) [32]


The Beards (21 July 2007, Spare Room Audio)
1."The Beards Club"3:23
2."Growing A Beard"3:30
3."Beard Revolution"2:53
4."Radio interview #1"2:04
5."A Wizard Needs a Beard"2:02
6."Beard's Gone Away" (Live)4:13
7."Radio interview #2"1:51
8."The Tale of the Amish Boy (and his Beard)"5:06
9."It Only takes a Fortnight to Grow a Decent Beard"2:46
10."Big Bearded Bruce"7:28
11."Radio interview #3"2:07
12."Who Told You to Shave Off Your Beard?" (original demo version)3:04
Beards, Beards, Beards (7 May 2010, The Beards)
1."Born With a Beard" 
2."No Beard, No Good" 
3."Beards Across Australia Unite" 
4."Baby's Got a Beard" 
5."If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Beard, You've Got Two Mums" 
6."Beards Don't Kill People, People With Beards Kill People" 
7."Weird Beard" 
8."Shaved Off His Beard" 
9."My Baby Left Me for a Man Without a Beard" 
10."Beard Love" 
11."Best Beard Out" 
12."Beard Leave" 
Having a Beard is the New Not Having a Beard (9 March 2012) #63 AUS
1."I'm in the Mood... for Beards" 
2."This Beard Stays" 
3."Got Me a Beard" 
4."You Should Consider Having Sex with a Bearded Man" 
5."Bearded Nation" 
6."Still Got My Beard" 
7."The Beard Accessory Store" 
8."Why Having a Beard is Better than Having a Woman" 
9."The Beard" 
10."I Think Beards are Great" 
12."There's Just Nothing Better than a Beard" 
13."Beard Related Song Number 38" 
The Beard Album (9 May 2014) #30 AUS [33]
1."Beards Are Back" 
2."Damn That's a Nice Beard" 
3."I Like Beards" 
4."There's a Bearded Man Inside Me" 
5."All the Bearded Ladies" 
6."The Bearded Pledge" 
7."Strokin' My Beard" 
8."Touch Me in the Beard" 
9."I Have a Beard and it Looks Really Good" 
10."A Bit of my Beard" 
11."Hey You, Grow a Beard" 
Ten Long Years, One Long Beard (4 September 2015) [34]
1."The Beards Club" 
2."Growing A Beard" 
3."A Wizard Needs A Beard" 
4."The Tale Of The Amish Boy (And His Beard)" 
5."Beard For Christmas" 
6."Born With A Beard" 
7."No Beard, No Good" 
8."Shaved Off His Beard" 
9."If Your Dad Doesn't Have A Beard You've Got Two Mums" 
10."I'm In The Mood... For Beards" 
11."You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man" 
12."The Beard Accessory Store" 
13."There's Just Nothing Better Than A Beard" 
14."It Only Takes A Fortnight To Grow A Decent Beard" 
15."I Like Beards" 
16."There's A Bearded Man Inside Me" 
17."All The Bearded Ladies" 
18."Strokin' My Beard" 
19."Ten Long Years, One Long Beard" 



  • Live at The Beards Club recorded at The Governor Hindmarsh Hotel, Adelaide

Digital Video[edit]

  • The Final Show (2017), filmed 28 October 2016 at The Governor Hindmarsh Hotel, Adelaide (available on Limited Edition USB-Stick "Comb").

Music videos[edit]

  • If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Beard, You've Got Two Mums (2009, film clip)
  • Growing a Beard (2010, film clip)
  • You Should Consider Having Sex With a Bearded Man (2012, film clip, parody of "Smack My Bitch Up" video by The Prodigy)
  • Got Me a Beard (2012, animated film clip)
  • The Beard Accessory Store (2013, film clip)
  • All the Bearded Ladies (2014, film clip)
  • Stroking My Beard (2015, film clip, composed of live footage)
  • I Like Beards (2015, live, recorded at The Metro, Sydney, in April)
  • "Ten Long Years, One Long Beard" (2015, film clip, composed of archival tour and studio footage)


  1. ^ Dairy Brothers (2004), Full Cream Ahead, The Band, retrieved 26 February 2018 
  2. ^ "The Dairy Brothers". Unearthed. Triple J. Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC). Retrieved 26 February 2018. 
  3. ^ Crosbie, Andrew (December 2006). Carmine Pascuzzi, ed. "The Dairy Brothers – The Green Room, Melbourne". MediaSearch. Archived from the original on 4 September 2008. Retrieved 26 February 2018. 
  4. ^ "Archived copy". Archived from the original on 28 February 2015. Retrieved 26 January 2015. 
  5. ^ TheBeardsAustralia (27 October 2009). "THE BEARDS - If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Beard, You've Got Two Mums (Film Clip - 2009)". Retrieved 31 October 2016 – via YouTube. 
  6. ^ "Archived copy". Archived from the original on 8 March 2011. Retrieved 1 October 2011.  dbMagazine Issue #469
  7. ^ "Archived copy". Archived from the original on 5 January 2010. Retrieved 1 October 2011. 
  8. ^ TheBeardsAustralia (11 September 2012). "The Beards - Got Me a Beard (Film Clip - 2012)". Retrieved 31 October 2016 – via YouTube. 
  9. ^ TheBeardsAustralia (3 October 2013). "The Beards - The Beard Accessory Store (Film Clip - 2013)". Retrieved 31 October 2016 – via YouTube. 
  10. ^ TheBeardsAustralia (22 January 2012). "The Beards - You Should Consider Having Sex With a Bearded Man (Film Clip - 2011)". Retrieved 31 October 2016 – via YouTube. 
  11. ^ "triple j's Hottest 100". 12 July 2011. Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  12. ^ AMCOS, APRA. "Song of the Year - APRA AMCOS Australia". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  13. ^ "Aria Awards - History". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  14. ^ "The Beards - Schedule -". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  15. ^ "Previous Lineups". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  16. ^ "The Beards – The Beards First World Tour". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  17. ^ "Archived copy". Archived from the original on 14 April 2014. Retrieved 13 April 2014.  Tour Announcement
  18. ^ Glasgow Report
  19. ^ Beards in Nottingham
  20. ^ - Gigging Northern Ireland live review
  21. ^ Rockpalast recording
  22. ^ "The Beards – The Beard Album Euro Launch Tour". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  23. ^ TheBeardsAustralia (18 January 2015). "The Beards - Strokin' My Beard (Film Clip - 2015)". Retrieved 31 October 2016 – via YouTube. 
  24. ^ TheBeardsAustralia (30 August 2015). "The Beards - Ten Long Years, One Long Beard (film clip - 2015)". Retrieved 31 October 2016 – via YouTube. 
  25. ^ "The Beards – It's Been Ten Long Years, so We're Setting Off on One Long European Tour". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  26. ^ "The Beards – The Anniversary Tour Will Be Rolling Down Under In October". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  27. ^ a b "Introducing the Gov's Open Mic Night Host – Tom Bettany". Gov News. Governor Hindmarsh Hotel. 29 September 2017. Retrieved 26 February 2018. 
  28. ^ "Stateline South Australia". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  29. ^ Triple J Radio interview
  30. ^ "I'm in the Mood... for Beards". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  31. ^ "All The Bearded Ladies". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  32. ^ "Kate Miller-Heidke Teams Up With The Beards For Awesome Charity Xmas Single". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  33. ^ "The Beards - Timeline - Facebook". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 
  34. ^ "The 'Ten Long Years, One Long Beard' Tour - Adelaide". Retrieved 31 October 2016. 

External links[edit]