|Directed by||Andy Ackerman|
|Written by||David Mandel|
|Original air date||February 13, 1997|
"The Susie" is the 149th episode of the sitcom Seinfeld. This was the 15th episode for the eighth season. It aired on February 13, 1997. This episode is best known for the scene with George's answering machine.
Mike, the guy who once referred to Jerry as "a phony" ("The Parking Space"), has become a bookie. Kramer, who has a gambling problem, wants Jerry to place bets with Mike on his behalf. Kramer also sets his watch ahead one hour even though Daylight Saving Time hasn't started yet. Elaine's co-worker Peggy (Megan Cole) thinks that Elaine is a different woman named "Susie". George is excited about Steinbrenner's ball because he wants to be able to show off his tall, beautiful girlfriend Allison (Shannon Kenny) by making a "grand entrance" with her wearing a backless dress.
George's plan to take Allison to the ball is put in jeopardy when he finds out that she is planning on breaking up with him beforehand. He therefore goes to great lengths to avoid her, saying, "If she can't find me, she can't break up with me."
Kramer begins to live out his gambling addiction through Jerry, by placing bets in Jerry's name. But when Jerry wins, Mike the bookie can't pay up. When Jerry accidentally closes his car trunk door on Mike's thumbs, Mike becomes afraid of him. Later, Mike tries to make it up to Jerry by fixing his trunk but gets trapped inside.
Meanwhile, Peggy starts talking to "Susie" (actually Elaine) about Elaine, making derogatory comments about her. Elaine becomes angry, partly because of the comments, but also, bizarrely, because Peggy addresses her as "Suze" rather than Susie. When Peterman overhears, he wants to resolve the conflict and demands a meeting between Peggy, Elaine, and "Susie". Elaine becomes so tired of pretending to be Susie that, while driving in the car one night, Jerry tells her that she should "eliminate her". Mike (trapped in the trunk) overhears this, and believing Susie to be a real person, becomes even more terrified of Jerry, thinking that he is a killer, especially when Jerry and Elaine both start to laugh sinisterly (though they are really just laughing at a funny bumper sticker).
Elaine tells Peterman that Susie committed suicide and a bereaved Peterman organizes a memorial service for her. Elaine delivers the eulogy at the wake, but becomes confused when Peterman announces that he had slept with "Susie". Peggy is even more confused to see Elaine, thinking she was Susie. When Peggy tells Jerry, "I guess I never met Susie", he claims to have slept with both Elaine and Susie. The service comes to an abrupt end when Mike (after being freed from Jerry's trunk) bursts in and accuses Jerry of murdering Susie, but Jerry seems unconcerned, merely commenting to Peggy, "Not only that, I broke his thumbs."
Finally, when Allison cannot find George to break up with him, she uses Kramer as a go-between, and Kramer breaks up with George on her behalf. Kramer invites George to a restaurant "where everybody breaks up" and runs away when George tries to argue. George decides to change and tries to make amends with Allison by using Kramer again. Later, Kramer shows up at the Ball in Allison's place and after a scuffle in the lobby, George tears off the back of Kramer's tuxedo, and he is thrown into the main hall, making a "grand entrance" of his own.
Elaine is glad to be rid of Susie, but Peterman tells her he is establishing a foundation in Susie's honor (despite Elaine admitting to him "I'm Susie. She's me."), and expects Elaine to devote all of her non-working hours to running it. In a Wrath of Khan-inspired pan-out sequence that was also used two times by George, Elaine looks up and screams out "SUZE!"