Tiegs for Two

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"Tiegs for Two"
Family Guy episode
Episode no. Season 9
Episode 14
Directed by Jerry Langford
Written by John Viener
Production code 8ACX16
Original air date April 10, 2011[1]
Guest appearance(s)
Episode chronology
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"Trading Places"
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"Brothers & Sisters"
Family Guy (season 9)
List of Family Guy episodes

"Tiegs for Two" is the 14th episode of the ninth season of the animated comedy series Family Guy. It aired on Fox in the United States on April 10, 2011.[1] In the episode, the family dog Brian Griffin fails again at getting a date and so seeks the advice of the Griffins' sex-crazed neighbor, Glenn Quagmire, who is also in pursuit of his ex-lover, actress Cheryl Tiegs.

The episode was written by John Viener, directed by Jerry Langford, and featured guest performances by Drew Barrymore, Jessica Stroup, Cheryl Tiegs and Robert Wu, along with several recurring guest voice actors for the series. The title is a reference to the famous song "Tea for Two".


Lois requests Peter to go pick up his clothes from a dry cleaning store. Peter tells her that he got his favorite white shirt washed by the cleaners, but when he goes to pick up the shirt at the Chinese-owned laundromat Super Cowboy USA Hot Dog Rockey Ship American Cleaners Number One, he finds out that the owner, Mr. Washee-Washee (Robert Wu), has lost it. He denies losing it, causing Peter to refuse to give him business any longer and claiming that Mr. Washee-Washee stole it. Lois steadfastly declines to find a new dry cleaner – as Mr. Washee-Washee is the best – and invites him to dinner. Peter fights with Mr. Washee-Washee during the meal about his shirt; Mr. Washee-Washee leaves in a huff, banning the Griffins from his store for life. Later that night, Peter and Chris go over to the cleaner's house. Peter then sneaks inside and finds a similar shirt, thinking the cleaner has stolen it. When he tries it on, however, Peter discovers that it isn't his shirt. At that moment, Washee-Washee comes in and holds Peter at gun-point, causing the two to break into a Street Fighter 2-like battle with Peter ultimately losing and ending up in jail. Brian goes to bail him out, and meets a woman, Denise, whom he takes a liking to. Brian later tells Lois about Denise, and tries to impress her by inviting Denise on a date. However, when Brian does so on the phone, Denise rejects him, instantly sending the dog into a deep depression.

After Peter learns of Brian's depression, he suggests that he take Quagmire's class on dating women. Despite Quagmire's dislike of him, Brian decides to try out the program that night. Initially, Quagmire refuses to accept Brian into the class, but when Brian produces the signed class credit, he reluctantly allows him to stay and Brian goes along with the class to the local bar to pick up chicks. Brian successfully hooks up with an obese woman named Bettina, and comes home dressed in obnoxious clothing (that resembles Jon Gosselin) before heading out to try again with Denise. Denise is turned off by Brian's newfound arrogance and leaves him. Now angered, Brian blames Quagmire for ruining his life; Quagmire replies that the course is about getting laid, not finding the right woman. Quagmire then admits that he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend, Cheryl Tiegs (first mentioned in "Jerome Is the New Black" as the only woman Quagmire truly loved, with Quagmire citing their break-up as the reason he is a sex addict), who dated him in the early 1980s but left him over his constant jealousy. Cheryl appears at Quagmire's house the next day, with her new boyfriend, Brian, who mocks Quagmire and flips him the bird before driving off with Cheryl and making out with her. Infuriated, Quagmire tries to fight with Brian for dating Cheryl, but is stopped by Peter, who is actually quite impressed with Brian's feat.

That night, Brian takes Cheryl to dinner, where Quagmire discovers the two. Quagmire then offers to buy dinner for the two, along with his new girlfriend, Jillian, whom Brian had dated. Jealous, Brian and Quagmire begin fighting and pointing out each other's flaws in front of Cheryl and Jillian causing them to leave and break up with their dates. Brian suggests that his feud with Quagmire has finally come to an end and that it took them stealing each other's girls to finally become friends again, to which Quagmire reluctantly agrees. However, when Brian asks for a ride home, Quagmire drives off without him and backs his car onto him before driving off again.

Cultural references[edit]

A cutaway gag mocks Michael J. Fox for having Parkinson's disease. Peter takes an autographed photo of Ang Lee off the laundromat wall, but Mr. Washee-Washee says he doesn't care because Lee does too many "white people movies." When Mr. Washee-Washee says all Americans look alike, Peter is shown with Gene Shalit's face. Bubo the mechanical owl from Clash of the Titans comes to dinner and makes beeping sounds, and Peter explains that Harry Hamlin is needed to interpret; Lois says she will not allow Harry Hamlin in their house. Mr. Washee-Washee watches Star Trek and thinks Sulu is the star. Peter hangs himself after being in jail for 15 minutes, a parody of Brooks' suicide in The Shawshank Redemption. Quagmire compares women to Saturday Night Live sketches, and says only once in a lifetime will you meet a woman as perfect as Dana Carvey's character "Massive Head Wound Harry."[2]


John Viener wrote the episode.

In a simultaneous review with American Dad!, The Simpsons, Bob's Burgers, and The Cleveland Show, Rowan Kaiser of The A.V. Club called the episode "damn funny" saying that "[the] first half is a magical reminder of what made Family Guy work and a nice vacation from the experimental morality and anti-humor that's made up so much of the show over the past few months." The episode received a B+, the best rating of the night, tying with Bob's Burgers episode "Burger Wars" and scoring higher than American Dad! episode "License to Till", The Simpsons episode "The Great Simpsina", and The Cleveland Show episode "Ship'rect".[3]


External links[edit]