Today I Am a Clown
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|"Today I Am a Clown"|
|The Simpsons episode|
|Krusty's bar mitzvah|
|Directed by||Nancy Kruse|
|Written by||Joel H. Cohen|
|Original air date||December 7, 2003|
|Chalkboard gag||"Over forty and single is not funny".|
|Couch gag||The Simpsons each slide down their own pole into the Batcave, where everyone is dressed like the characters from the 1960s Batman TV show (Homer is Batman, Marge is Catwoman, Maggie and Lisa are Batgirl, and Bart is Robin, the Boy Wonder).|
|Guest appearance(s)||Jackie Mason as Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky
Mr. T as himself
Joel H. Cohen
Steven Dean Moore
Dan Castellaneta won a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Voice-Over Performance for his roles in this episode. 
Maggie's locked in the bathroom and she is eventually freed, thanks to Lisa trying a rescue solution a second time (she also says, "I don't get why we only try ideas once"). The family hears the doorbell, finding Dr. Hibbert, who says that Santa's Little Helper has impregnated his purebred poodle, Rosa Barks, and he gives the puppies to the Simpson family, making them their problem. However, Lisa reads The Simpsons: A Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family that says Homer had taken Santa's Little Helper to be neutered after the events of "Two Dozen and One Greyhounds", but Homer confesses that he couldn't bring himself to actually do it. Bart and Lisa give out the puppies to people (with Marge telling them beforehand to not "just dump them on some crazy lady", which the Crazy Cat Lady is sad about), including Krusty the Clown, who takes his new puppy for a walk to his old neighborhood.
When Krusty returns to his old neighborhood in the Jewish community of Springfield, he sees the Jewish Walk of Fame. He tells the dog to pee on Sandy Koufax since he got to miss baseball on Yom Kippur and Krusty had to do five shows that day. Krusty finds out that he does not have a star on the sidewalk, and goes to register for one. However, when the person Krusty goes to asks for the date of his Bar Mitzvah, Krusty confesses that he never actually had a Bar Mitzvah. The person tells him that since he never had a Bar Mitzvah, he is not really Jewish. Krusty runs into Bart and Lisa outside, and he tells them that he just found out that he is not a "self-hating Jew", but is actually an "antisemite" (much to the delight of Rainier Wolfcastle). Bart and Lisa wonder how Krusty could not have had a Bar Mitzvah, especially considering that his own father is a rabbi. They go to Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky to ask why Krusty never had a Bar Mitzvah, and Hyman reveals that it was because he was afraid that Krusty would make a mockery of the whole ceremony. Lisa points out that Krusty can still have his Bar Mitzvah as an adult, as there is nothing in Judaism that forbids it. Hyman agrees to help his son reach his goal, teaching him all about Judaism. With this happening, Krusty cannot do shows on Saturdays (the Sabbath day for Jews); therefore, he must seek a replacement, and gets Homer to replace him for the day. Homer's replacement show is a talk show, featuring Moe Szyslak, Lenny Leonard (later replaced by Barney Gumble and then Disco Stu), and Carl Carlson as panelists. The show becomes a success in its own right; meanwhile, Krusty continues to learn his Jewish traditions.
Homer's show is a surprising success--so much so that Krusty's show is eventually cancelled by Channel 6. Lisa suggests that Homer put his power to good use, but ironically, ratings decline and Homer's show is also cancelled thanks to Lisa's suggestion. Krusty, after being fired by Channel 6, pitches his Bar Mitzvah to the Fox network (knowing that they will "take chances on crap"). When his Bar Mitzvah ("Krusty the Klown's Wet 'n' Wild Bar Mitzvah"), featuring Mr. T as a guest, airs, it becomes a ratings smash, drawing "Raymond rerun good" ratings, but the spectacle disappoints his father. Krusty feels guilty, and after the show, he tells his dad that he wants to have a real Bar Mitzvah the traditional way at a Jewish temple. The show closes out with Krusty having an (almost) serious Bar Mitzvah in a synagogue.
- Seitz, Matt Zoller (February 10, 2012). "Nine Latter-Day Simpsons Episodes That Match Up to the Early Classics". New York (magazine). Retrieved February 11, 2012.
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