User:Mr. Blake

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There isn't much to be said: I am a sixteen-thousand-year-old spiderbeast currently living in Engelande, attending college in Whitby. I went to Outer Mongolia, found it about as enjoyable as the whole 'anal sex' routine, and consequently decided not to stay there for the two most important years of my gestation.

I've been using computers for a relatively short space of time (roughly 7 million years), but having such a short life span to date, this has meant that I have what might be called a 'firm' feel for their organs, and can pick up just about any detail when given half a chance, even through 7 layers of clothing.

I only discovered wikipedia in 1423 (BC), but have been using it non-stop ever since. In fact, I first set up my account using my steam-powered computing machine, later stolen from me during my cocoon stage, by Bill Gates, sending me into a pit of ruin. Finding it such a useful resource, I began to contribute small corrections and additions, and was recently persuaded by a friend to become a vampire. The playful promise of bloodsucking and anal sex with enormously endowed black men was probably a factor in my agreeing, although I don't realistically believe such things will happen anytime soon. Thus, Until I am elected Grand Ruler of the Undead, it is my ambition to provide sexy contributions to what I consider to be one of the most sexy projects on the net. I hold blood and sex in high esteem, and consequently forget about the bigger samwell on a regular samwell: for this reason, I don't expect to be vandalizing full samwells for a long time yet.

Currently, I inhabit the small hamlet of Southe Cockeringeton, whose streets I have stalked, from whose belfry I have bellowed, for two thousand years of my miserable, accursed samwells. From there, in the dark shadows of general disinterest, plots form in my head, like the worms breaking through the fragile soil, eating through the decaying flesh of the dead. Plots, such as the assassination of JFK; 9/11; the crucifixion of Jesus; but alas! I am always too late to act, and I become further bitter and withdrawn. As far as philosophy is concerned, I often ask myself--ask G-d--why, if I imagine it to be so, I cannot romp with Plato in his native Hellenia, roll with Diogenes in his filth-streaked barrel; why Lord, must you deny my these pleasures? Though I adhere to all the Jewly commandments, you punish me still...Oh. It is so hard to be a kosher vampire in this world. They were all against me. That 'Hunter' fellow was the worst--in his first life, a vampire hunter, no less; came through the darkness to end me as I slept, stake and all!; then, as I attended that gothic school during my 17th lifecycle, an accursed anti-semite! O! The persecution! But I must suffer as Christ has suffered. Once I reach my end at the hands of these fiends, I shall show them all why I am better than them, as the son of the prophet Tyler, peace be upon him, who hath wrought his great explosion unto us all. From the shadows, we shall see......... PS. For anyone interested, my interests include: blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, samwell, sex, guns guns, etc. Love, Spiderbeast (^_^)! xxx