User:Jeepinjon78/ Daniel Ahrnowtsqui

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Daniel Ahrnowtsqui (1860-1910) Inventor of the Ahrnowtsqui Pushbutton, Progenitor of the Button Snap

Early Life (1860-1881)[edit]

Born on October 26th 1912 in Krakow, Poland to a Dutch father and a Jewish mother parents. Traditionally trained as a blacksmith, young Daniel was interested in abstract philosophy, meteors, and practical metallurgic designs. At an early age he became well known in his community for his claims to be able to see around corners. His prodigal sense of smell became apparent around the time he hit puberty--this sense of smell would play a large part in his creative processes later in his life. Though it was not known at the time, Ahrnowtsqui experienced symptoms of synethesia, in which smells translated into intricate designs and other visual patterns, including complex mechanical devices.

He was also deaf.

Career and the Invention of the Ahrnowtsqui Pushbutton[edit]

After completing his blacksmithing apprenticeship and working in the field for several years, Daniel began to tire from this relatively simple line of work. Searching for another life calling, and greater intellectual stimulation, he joined his uncle Iosef Von Vornenmole,who was searching for Radium in Germany's Black Forest.

He would stay up late at night sketching his ideas regarding the practical use of metallurgy. Tormented by a poorly designed buckle on his pants over the course of several years, Daniel racked his brain trying to come up with a better way to fasten his pants. The clasps of his pants would periodically become undone, revealing his genitalia to himself, causing recurrent and severe panic attacks. His early ideas included the use rare earth magnets and mercury-based clasps.

On a radium-finding expedition with his uncle deep in the Black Forest, Ahrnowtsqui encountered the smell of Lumbricus badensis for the first time. He wrote in his diary that the smell conjured up an image of the tangible connection between the segments of the worm squiggling into its hole and the mechanical intricacies of a pushbutton which fits into its adjoining orifice.

Rivalry with Bertel Sanders[edit]

Originally good friends, the relationship between Ahrnowtsqui and Bertel Sanders--the purported inventor of the modern snap fastener--deteriorated rapidly in a series of escalating incidents stemming from a patent discrepancy and intellectual discordance. Though it is now clear to historians that Ahrnowtsqui's design came first, Ahrnowtsqui lacked the social and entrepreneurial merit to market his design. However, he was shocked to find his blueprints mysteriously gone after a failed meeting with a manufacturing company. Historians speculate that Sanders, a socialite and known alcoholic purportedly stole the blueprints to market the product through his established manufacturing connections.

The feud began over a dinner during which Sanders insulted the embroidery pattern on Ahrnowtsqui's handkerchief--the same handkerchief sewn by his mother and given to him by his uncle Iosef Von Vornenmole on his deathbed. Though this incident ended in an argument, the spat eventually turned violent when Ahrnowtsqui broke into Sanders' apartment and strangled his highly prized Siamese cat.

Though no official record exists of the resulting altercation, it is known that after several weeks, Sanders was found dead in a Krakow alleyway, a bottle of schnapps at his side. The official cause of death was strangulation.

Personal Life and Hobbies[edit]

Daniel never married and was celibate due to his fear of genitalia. Paradoxically, Daniel became well known among an elite circle of collectors in Krakow for his comprehensive archive of rare mummified European Pond Turtle penis skrimshaw. He later expanded his archive of turtle penis skrimshaw by importing that of various other species from different regions in the world--including some samples then undocumented by Herpitological science. The University of Krakow awarded him a posthumous honorary Doctorate based on his contributions to the Herpitological community of Poland.[1]

Death and Legacy[edit]

Ahrnowtsqui died due to complications related to airway obstruction as a result of dry cereal ingestion on October 23, 1910, three days before his fiftieth birthday.

Originally slated to be donated to Jagiellonian University in Krakow, his renowned mummified turtle penis scrimshaw collection disappeared during the proceedings following his death. It is widely thought by scholars in the field to have been parted out and sold on the black market to Chinese herbalists and other philanthropic groups.


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