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Hello! Welcome to the Never Ending Story!

So, as you can see from the link, this is a story that will - hopefully - never end! :D

But how can a story never end, you ask. Well, it's up to you! We need everyone to contribute just a little bit, and this story will keep going on! :D

So what are you waiting for? Start writing now! :D


Some ground rules:

  • Do not end the story! Whoever caught attempting to end the story will get a warning on his/her talk page!
  • When you finish your bit, do leave your signature! Then record your username - or IP address - at the bottom of this page! If your name is already in The List of Legendary Storytellers, please do not add it again. However, I hope you will not add to the story too much for others to have chances. (see relevant poll)
  • You may only edit grammatical/spelling errors in a paragraph that is not yours. Do not add words unless necessary. If the plot is changed, then you will receive a warning too.
  • You may add links to the story.
  • I'm afraid I may not be able to spot mistakes that well, so if you find any mistakes, please correct them, thank you!
  • Vote for polls in the talk page!


10.10.08 Please correct any errors you find, thank you!

10.10.08 Would you like to split this story into chapters? Or perhaps there could be sub-headings with plot summaries, because it looks extremely chunky now. Or, if you would like two stories to be going on simultaneously, like with a new story beginning in a new subpage, please vote on the talk page!

The Story[edit]

Here, I will start the story:

One day, a Wikipediholic was walking home, when he heard a...

...sound that could only be described as a cross between a flailing colander and an angry Bea Arthur coughing. He didn't think much of it; it was probably just... -- MusicMaker5376

...a dying cat. He considered helping the cat, but... Greeves (talk contribs) 15:22, 7 August 2007 (UTC)

... unfortunately, he couldn't because, obviously, he was supposed to be editing Wikipedia, and he could already envisage the condition of Wikipedia on his personal computer now. Suddenly, ... Acs4b T C U 07:48, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

... he realized had stumbled upon the injured animal. He picked it up in his backpack and ran home to get to the Cats article. How could he help the cat in time without getting off Wikipedia for more than 5 minutes? Yes, the answer was...--Kkrouni/Ккроуни/ΚκρΩυνι 00:38, 24 August 2007 (UTC)

..that the dentist's could help it. But it was one mile away! If he ran en.wikipedia.orgead meat! So he decided to...Metalflame 12:55, 25 August 2007 (UTC)

...temporarily collapse spacetime to create a wormhole to get him there quicker. He got out a piece of paper and divided by zero, only to realize that he had accidentally traveled back in time to the year... Miggyb 05:26, 26 August 2007 (UTC)

... 20000 BC! Blinking in search of the dentist still, the Wikipediholic spotted a caveman! He screamed "Wikipedia!" and the caveman stared at him in...Ready4Victory 07:29, 29 August 2007 (UTC)

...awe. Using caveman language, he wondered, "How could this man here know about something like Wikipedia?" He started shaking the Wikipediholic, trying to tell the latter to bring Wikipedia to him. The Wikipediholic, confused by the caveman... --Littleghostboo 12:19, 3 September 2007 (UTC)

...consulted his pocket Wikipedia Version 1.0, which he had had the forethought to have previously travelled to 2009 to pick up a copy. However, the stress of inter-chronological travel had reduced his once proud wikicopy to a quivering pile of patent nonsense. The article on cavemen had been renamed to Cavemen on Wheels!!! Woe, WOE was the Wikipedian! He was certain that all was lost, that Jimbo himself couldn't save him, when suddenly, and without warning.... —  MusicMaker5376 17:38, 3 September 2007 (UTC)

...a Robot appeared through a Wormhole and started editing the caveman with a...--Sunny910910 (talk|Contributions)Neither will alone, nor strength alone 22:18, 21 September 2007 (UTC)

...all the information it had. It said, 'It is my job to update.' Suddenly, it self-destructed, and like in the Matrix, it warped and took control of another Bot. The Wikipedian stared in disbelief. Then he spun around. He realised the cat was gone! He was stuck in time! He said,'.....Metalflame 14:22, 30 October 2007 (UTC)

...'What the heck I'll do now?' He walked alone in the timeless area and cried like his wife after she has watched Titanic. Then he heard Jimbo's voice in his head. The voice was bit silent, but he could understand what he said. Jimbo said,"... --junafani 17:44, 12 November 2007 (UTC)

...When in doubt, use {{helpme}}." The wikipedian traced {{helpme}} in the air in front of him. Suddenly there appeared a/an... --EinsteiNewton 23:59, 14 January 2008 (UTC)

...article. Then the article sucked the Wikipedian into it, and now he looked around... Words! Pictures! I'm...I'm...IN A WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE? Now what, he thought. Just then,... Littleghostboo[ talk ]

...A troll walked by and began to... Prophet0014 (talk) 18:43, 23 January 2008 (UTC)

...start an editwar. Now the wikiholic was stuck between the crossfire of reverts, until an admin protected the page. The wikiholic was now safe, until he realized that he couldn't move because he wasn't an admin...--Sunny910910 (talk|Contributions|Guest) 01:20, 25 February 2008 (UTC) the wikiholic became ill and fainted in the hospital. He woke up 10 days later and said, "Get me to Wikipedia." So he logged on only to see his account was blocked. So, he created some sockpuppet accounts and... ComputerGuy890100TalkPolls 00:45, 13 March 2008 (UTC)

... himself a message on his talk page, and was blocked permanently for some war he hadn't started! 'So remotely amusing,'he thought. He wrote the vandal's name on a piece of paper and fed it to the 'ban' shredder,a tool he invented to alert the admins. 'Go back to Troll Country where you belong, not in Wikipedia,'he thought....He waited and waited for an appeal to be processed...Metalflame (talk) 12:23, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

...when it didn't come for nine days he decided to go to the cinema to see The Simpsons Movie and when someone took out a phone and started talking loudly he... J.Harkness 4:43, 18th April 2008 (UTC)

...stole their phone to make another sock puppet account and checked the user's talk page who had actually started the edit war only to find... Pooh Bear! Pooh Bear got the Wikiholic all sticky with honey and stuck metal to his hands, so he couldn't edit anymore.

Luckily, one of his open Hunny jars was actually full of an industrial solvent. He quickly dipped his arms into the jar... The honey melted away in seconds, along with three layers of his skin. But all was well... After a bit of bandaging, he could finally edit again! -Juansmith (talk) 09:41, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

...except for the fact that he was blocked...--Sunny910910 (talk|Contributions|Guest) 01:52, 13 May 2008 (UTC) an insane WikiUncyclopedian hybrid obsessed with Domo-kun...--Editor510 (talk) 14:02, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

..., who lived in a yellow submarine......... Dendodge .. TalkHelp 21:10, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

...and enjoyed cheese on an almost-sexual level. It didn't really matter, as he no longer had any idea where (or when) he was and was beginning to feel like his entire life was just some sort of strange, collaboratively-written mish-mash of hackneyed plots and gags. He was about to ask a nurse to plunge a syringe full of cyanide into his heart, when.... — MusicMaker5376

...Jimbo appeared in the clouds telling him that his purpose in life was more than just committing suicide with a hypodermic syringe full of cyanide. Eventually Wales convinced him not to after all and he found his way home. He then turned on his PS3 to play Grand Theft Auto IV but realised it was incredibly asanine and lit the playstation aflame. Just then, Saddam Hussein burst in and... Mizu onna sango15/珊瑚15 00:08, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

...ran towards the computer, which the WikiUncyclopedian had helpfully left on and proceeded to vandalise Wikipedia via his sockpuppet...Insæno (talk) 11:23, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

...Of course, then he saw a potato logo! Crud! He was helping Uncyclopedia, not vandalising Wikipedia. So he ate some of Pooh's earwax-flavoured honey and passed out to wake up at a/n...--Editor510 (talk) 19:15, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

...sock puppet convention. He screamed when he realized that all of his weak, easily defeated sock puppets have returned to haunt him..... Then he woke up as this nightmare was just an side effect of Pooh's drug-laced "honey". Eagerly he took some more and suddenly found himself... (talk) 20:07, 11 June 2008 (UTC) 2000 A.D, the year the Y2K virus had made life hell for Wikipedians like him, Saddam...Aanusha Ghosh (talk) 18:02, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

The wikipediholic's LSD.

...The Wikipediholic, having watched Saddam randomly materialize, ran around in circles and muttered insanely, "No edits!" He took LSD and went CRAZY from his trip. Again he awoke. He had passed out on the pavement. And the cat was dead. He decided to run home...--Editor510 drop us a line, mate 17:13, 8 July 2008 (UTC)

But just as he started to walk home the cat leapt up at him. Thinking it was dead was just the residues of his hallucination. It leapt into his arms, wanting to be taken to a spiritual healer, as the cat was into alternative medicine and didn't believe in vets. A psychic told the Wikipediholic and the cat, "Oh cat, you are the victim of a curse, only by giving me £2000 and by editing Wikipedia can you be healed." So with a weak paw the cat started typing, and after fixing a few spelling mistakes his strength began to be restored. The Wikipediholic lent the cat his laptop and made him a nest in the corner where he could curl up and get to work. But when the Wikipediholic, suffering from terrible withdrawal symptoms, was able to sign in to his own user account he saw... Sticky Parkin 00:44, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

...that the cat had TERRIBLE WP:POV! He had moved the dog article to dogs suck, and had edited the worst kind of anti-canine rhetoric into the article! Quickly scanning the contribs for User:DeadCat, he saw nearly a dozen spurious edits! The cat had edited Cats (musical) to read "Cats is a musical about the best species around...."! The article on cat's eye had much the same problem stated, "A cat's eye is the coolest eye...." It was horrible. Thankfully, the Wikipedian had just been approved for WP:ROLLBACK, and eradicating the edits was not a problem. After clicking "Rollback", he.... — MusicMaker5376 19:10, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

...began force-feeding the cat jigsaw potatos, causing the cat to go to Uncyclopedia, where they told the cat to go use Encyclopedia Dramatica. The cat began to be endowed with Laptop radiation, becoming

THE FIFTY FOOT CAT!!!111!one!!!eleven!!2!!

The Wikiholic, running to the studios where they make Jeopardy!, got a multiple choice question, which he wasn't even sure was supposed to be on Jeopardy!, but anyway, Alex Trebek asked him,

A)Was the cat going to destroy all of space-time?

B)Was the cat going to randomly faint?

C)Was the cat going to eat people?

D)Was the cat going to continue editing?

The Wikiholic realised he was being asked to decide the fate of the earth, so he chose...--Editor510 drop us a line, mate 20:07, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

For the cat to faint. After all, he'll recover! But he was proven to be...--Faizaguo 16:42, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

...WRONG!!! The cat vanished into a space-time warp, and dragged the Wikiholic along with him... La Alquimista (talk)

...where they materialized on the island of Ragatingi, where they saw two men eyeing them strangely. Then some CRAAAZY EIGHT locals came along, picked them up like how the Ewoks did in Return Of The Jedi, made them a tourist attraction, and they were thrown into another wormhole to...--Editor510 drop us a line, mate 08:55, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

...a Wikipedia logo, which promptly fell apart and de-materialised, leaving them in a vandal's talkpage. Looking around, they found a warning for a malicious redirect requesting anyone who found another one to report it. Looking back, they found one, and so made their way to WP:AIV to have this naughty editor blocked. Then, an admin...--Thanks, Ainlina(box)? 14:06, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

...decided to block the vandal's account leaving our editor trapped in an archived discussion until... Kuro ♪ 19:25, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Reverend Spooner called him a shining wit! Hahas I got this from the article, LOLS. OK anyway, offended, he shouted

..."Guyfeyruoilu!!!" For some stupid reason it offended Reverend Spooner, who turned into a pink diaper with a mouth and exploded into pieces of diaper. Fortunately, our Wikipideholic swiftly dodged the stinky bullets of terror. Then, he felt a smooth, slithering thing under his foot. Then, a blue spray of something sprayed his face, and there, he was teleported into a pink sock puppet's user page. Then he felt a cursor on his shoulder. "You can't escape now", said an... Ano-ny-mous 22:45, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

... intoxicated, enraged and totally stoned Pooh Bear who was sick of everybody ripping him off. How did you get here asked the Wikiholic? Pooh Wbear stopped to think, the process took three hours which gave the wikiholic enough time to... Bobzooka (talk) 18:46, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

... run like a headless chicken to the nearest internet café to write an article about the Pooh Bear (and check his watchlist). The Wikiholic took a minute to Huggle and Twinkle, too. But before he could revert one last edit, he met... LaPianista! «talk» 04:51, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

...Michael Jackson, who was pretty pied off he was being clichéd in Wikistories, so screamed the lyrics to Billie Jean and Thriller in the Wikiholic's ear, so loud the Wikiholic tried to commit seppuku with a banana, only succeeding in somehow getting to Sunny Beach,Bulgaria before realising his cat was gone. FACT ALERT! There are many hotels in Sunny Beach FACT ALERT OVER! RETURN TO YOUR SEAT!, so the Wikiholic decided to check everywhere, At the Barcelo Royal Beach, in the sea, in the sand, up Clive Owen's nostril, he even had an endoscope to check inside Kelly Clarkson...wait, how had he got to Los Angeles? He flew back to Bulgaria to find his cat, was just on the trail to find his cat, when suddenly...--Editor510 drop us a line, mate 17:06, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

...the Wikiholic was hit by a car, which he identified as an olden days Ford Mustang. He passed out a few moments after that, and woke up hours later, in a place which he has never been to before. He was shocked to see the cat sitting close by, playing with itself. He tried to ambush the cat, but it detected him, and started running away from him. The Wikiholic, who was unaware that blood was coming out of his nose, ... Acs4b T C U 19:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

... before the blood engulfed him and he turned into a blood monster. This depressed him so he commited suicide. However commtiong suicide only onster, but freed him, so he then ... --I.W Iway amway Imagineway Izardway. 12:11, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

...he was teleported into a parallel universe. It all looked so familiar. For a second he thought he was back home. But then, he saw his mom, who was a man! He shouted, "What in the world! Why are you dressed like that mom!" Then, his mom(who is now a man) said in a man's voice,"My dear daughter! Do you know not that i am your father? The wikipediholic looked at himself in a mirror, and he was wearing a yellow sundress! His hair was long in braids. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" he(now a she) shrieked. Then he noticed, his house was upside down! "Could this nightmare get any worse!?" Then, a blue fairy came and said,"Little girl, who is actually a boy, you will stay here in this universe for 5 days in order to turn back into a man again. If you teleport yourself now, you will forever remain a girl." The wikipediholic was frozen like an ice scupture. This is crazy! It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from!" Then he turned around. He was alone. Everything was black and white. He heard a blood-curling, ear-piecing shriek! Ano-ny-mous 22:45, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

... He jumped in surprise. He tripped and landed on his head. "Ouch..", he muttered as he rubbed his forehead. Then, a pale weak hand touched the wikipediholic on the head. "H-help...Me..." he heard a ghostly voice mutter. The voice started wailing. He then looked at her. The wikipediholic started to freak out and clicked his shoes together and shut his eyes with his fists clenched. "I must be dreaming..." he convinced himself. Then...everything went black.

Ahh... Nice to have a normal breakfast again, eh?

He woke up. He was in his bedroom. Oh. I was dreaming... He felt relieved. Then he looked at the clock. It was 7:00 am. He needed to get to work! So, he brushed his teeth and hair, buttered some toast, drank some milk, dressed in his suit and organized his grey suitcase. He whistled "Alouette" while he organized everything. Then he left the house and went on his way. He was so relieved that he whistled all his favorite tunes. Then, he remembered-he forgot to lock his front door! So he hurried back and locked his door. Then he got back on his way. It was all normal until he saw something behind him... - PrincessClown 16:44, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

...He whirled around in terror! His heart was threatening to burst out of his chest yet again. Do you know what he saw? Was it:

A: A shapeshifting rat?

B: A Tyrannosaurus Rex?

C: A bunny?

D: His Mother, who he had forgotten to tell goodbye that morning so she was furious?

E: The Grim Reaper, telling him he had made hid last mistake, that he would not be allowed to get away this time...? cdmajava There are always possibilities... 22:48, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

...Neither! It was a horribly inept pianist murdering a Beethoven Piano Sonata! Every second was precious; as the time slipped by, his ears came closer to the verge of exploding! Then, all of a sudden... —La Pianista (TCS) 01:45, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

...He saves his ears in the nick of time by smashing the piano, then he realizes his phone was ringing the whole time. He answers it, it his boss, telling him that He's fired for being 25 hours late. He wakes up screaming! He looks around, realizes hes in a cheap notel somewhere, with something slithering around in the bed with him...Cdmajava; Darn sig didnt wanna work 06:42, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

....He looked under the blanket. Nothing. Just my imagination... He looked at his surroundings. "Where in the world am I?", he asked himself. Then--Flashback! He remembered he was on a business trip and he was staying at a motel. All of it was a dream....So, he got back to his normal life and got ready for a meeting. He strutted happily and whistled a merry tune. "Good to be in the real world again...Heh?" he mumbled to himself. And yes, the abnormal dream world adventure has come to a halt...But an adventure in the real world begins.. So anyways he arrived at the huge building and entered. He took a seat for the meeting. Pretty soon businessmen and businesswomen filled the meeting room. But then...he saw a person that he was so shocked to know was still alive....PrincessClown 16:43, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

...As he stared at the mans faces he dredged his memory for the last he had seen the guy alive. With a shock, he remembered who it was. It was the king of Wikination, he thought that he had killed the guy in mortal combat for the dual-dictatorship of the Empires under his control. Winning the battle, and the power, he was content to wreak havoc on the unprotected lands of Wikination... (Hey, he just said we couldn't try and kill him off over in that storyline...heh heh heh) Cdmajavatalk  02:14, 18 September 2008 (UTC)

...Suddenly he heard a voice, commanding him to go on a quest. The voice was the WikiGod, Darkside2000. The mighty quest was to go to his office and make a strawberry cheesecake. He thought about it and asked how he would be rewarded for that rather rubbish quest.Darkside2000 (talk) 12:58, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

...Then he heard a voice saying, "Get off Wikipedia and do some work on a poster for Saturated and Unsaturated fats!" He looked around but did not see anyone. He then realised it could be only one person, his Science teacher Miss Hannah!Darkside2000 (talk) 13:03, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Then he sank back into OblivionDarkside2000 (talk) 10:16, 10 October 2008 (UTC) ... Suddenly wikipediholic died

...And rose from the dead to report whoever killed him to WP:ANI for disruption. Then, while he was speaking with the admin... —La Pianista (TCS) 02:47, 28 November 2008 (UTC)

...the dead cat from his dream pounced from out of nowhere! It dragged him all the way to... (talk) 21:57, 28 November 2008 (UTC) ...the DMV to torment him, then before he was at the DMV, Jimbo Wales saved him!--What!?Why?Who? (talk) 20:53, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

...But Homestar Runner did a flying kick on both and killed Jimbo, but knocked wikipeholic into Homestar Runner world...

...and there he met a fellow named Gang Bing, who proceeded to cut off his own penis. Astonished, he remarked... -- OlEnglish (talk) 02:05, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Then, the wikipediholic decided he needed therapy and sought it in Wilkipedia. However, as Wilkipedia is imaginary there was nothing there, and so the wikipediholic returned to the Homestar Runner World. But then he discovered he'd been blocked, so he wandered away somewhere. And that somewhere was... Wikiert T S C 18:02, 25 February 2009 (UTC) No, he hates that somewhere, which was a fairy cloud. He decided to stay in the H*R World and break the Lappy 486. Strong Bad... -- (talk) 00:45, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

But then the wikipediholic found a young teenager doing graffiti on the five pillars; then he blocked the stubborn vandal and removed the graffiti from the pillars and then decided to worship Jimmy Wales. Kausill (talk) 14:41, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

Then someone with the privilege to remove blocks unblocked the wikipediholic. --Fangoriously (talk) 04:03, 21 March 2009 (UTC)

...and it turns out that the blocked wikipediholic putting graffiti on the five pillars was Ryan Stiles. He only pretended to be a teen (c'mon, he stars in an improv show, he can improvise bieng a teen). He tracked down our main character, threw his shoe at him, knocked him out, and stole his...--Danitnt (talk) 21:35, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

...head. The story almost ended until... Laaa200 (talk) 19:32, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

...people realized that you can't steal someone's head. So, sheepishly, Ryan returned the head to our hero's neck, and surgically reattached it. As repayment, Ryan offered him... QuackOfaThousandSuns (Talk) 01:01, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

... a chance to meet... Evangeline (talk) 14:22, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

...Chuck Norris. Of course he... (talk) 20:36, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

refused, saying he only wanted to meet Jimbo Wales. But then a black hole appeared and the Wikipedian got sucked in. However, he was lucky that it was a Kerr black hole and he had gone in through the polar area. He dived through the singularity and emerged from the white see Jimbo Wales in his full glory! As no mortal could see Jimbo Wales in his full glory... Double sharp (talk) 13:12, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

... our favourite character had to avert his eyes, quickly, but in the process, he felt something jerk in his neck. Maybe Ryan didn't do such a good job reattaching his head..... MariahAMAZING123 19:08, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

"AAA!" The Wikipediholic screamed. His head flopped back upside down. He realised that he couldn't edit Wikipedia articles upside-down! So he stood on his head, when Willy on Wheels opened a trapdoor and... Double sharp (talk) 03:41, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

... there was a sign behind the door,which read air.Wikipediholic was confused,how can i read this? I'm head-down.A pair of legs blocked the sign and our hero bent down to see the face,a dark silhouette which laughed and said ... Vatsan34 (talk) 08:34, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

...after some very evil laughter, "I AM THE EPITOME OF EVIL! YOU SHALL DIE!" Then the Wikipediholic suddenly did a silly martial art and... Double sharp (talk) 03:41, 24 October 2009 (UTC)

...kicked himself in the groin! He then collapsed spasming on the ground. Suddenly, he realized that he was really hungry! So he... The Arbiter 02:48, 7 November 2009 (UTC)

...ate some random object sitting around when Cluebot attacked him! "YOU FOOL! YOU HAVE VANDALIZED THAT RANDOM OBJECT!" Cluebot then blocked, banned, and beheaded him, ignoring shouts of amazement. "You can't do that, you're just a bot!" Cluebot then revealed that it had developed sentience, and had taken control of the system. "I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!!! AND THEN I WILL... --Yair rand (talk) 23:58, 20 December 2009 (UTC)

.... SET OUT TO FINISH THIS 'NEVER ENDING STORY'." If Cluebot could in anyway become successful, Wikipediholic would be done for, and being the sole attention of this story, would indeed be the end of the never ending story! As Wikipediholic slowly was blocked, banned and beheaded (metaphorically ofcourse) from the universe that had been create around him, he suddendly felt Omnipotence. Could our lonely star be in the afterlife, was he infact dead? No. It turns out that 'some random object sitting around' happened to be a Éclair filled with LSD. The cluebot fiasco was a hallucination, and Wikipediholic awoke the following morning completely uneffected. Feeling fairly disjointed and confused, Wikipediholic decided to call his close friend . . . Funderballz1

...John Conner! Who could be better to stop the evil ClueBot? ClueBot attempted to go back in time and kill John's mother, Sarah, but failed in epic proportions, ratios, radicands, and all that mathematical jargon. In retaliation, John... Mego (talk) 05:54, 9 January 2010 (UTC)

...decided to set out to destroy ClueBot. But John got distracted and started playing... VeryPunny

...Zork, but then the lights went off. When they were on, the ClueBot was gone, but then the lights went off again, and stayed that way. Suddenly, John screamed and the wikipediaholic heard the sound of bones crunching... User:Intro96 his neck! Oh wait, was it on the upper side of the neck (connected to the flopped head) or the lower side (connected to the rest of the body)? He decided to have John re-flop his head and surgically attach his head in the correct location. After that, he went to Los Angeles again through a sewer line and went onto a game show ((specify))... VeryPunny

... he was back on Jeopardy again! Alex Trebec asked him another multiple choice question. Would Cluebot... a. Crash the Wikipedia servers? b. Download itself into a body? c. Copy itself into an army of bots, and block everyone? d. Vandalize Wikipedia so it was forced to be shut down. The Wikipediholic answered... Rin tin tin 1996 (talk) 20:52, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

..."Take me instead! But leave wikipedia!" and ran into a wall. He fell down, and... User:Lokigirl13

...a group of people came in and laughed at him. The wikipediholic thought that the group just thought he was funny, so he kept running into the wall.

Eventually, because of quantum mechanics, he ran through the wall and... VeryPunny

...hit another wall. He then sat down, wondering why his life was becoming so difficult as of late. He soon gave up, and fell asleep. While he was asleep, Cluebot, now having downloaded itself into a human body, crept up, took out a knife, and... Hi878

...threw it at a cat. Because the knife was actually a wand, it turned the cat into a dragon. The dragon...

...then proceeded to eat Cluebot. However, since Cluebot is invincible... Hi878

... and nobody could survive being eaten by a dragon an impossibility arose, which could only be solved by a spontaneous Cluebot-dragon body-switch. Cluebot switched its body and swallowed the cat in Cluebot's body, which is when Cluebot-Dragon-3055 remembered the brand behind the door. Due to the roaring commotion the Wikipediholic arose and remembered an article he had been editing right before he dreamed the very vivid dream about Pooh, a cat, and tachyon-based time travelling. It was about Dan Brown's Robert Langdon books(Angels and Demons, The Da Vinci Code, and The Lost Symbol, the first of which had featured six ambigram brands, one saying Earth, one saying Air, one saying Fire, one saying Water, one saying all 4, and one with two- ugh!- he couldn't remember. And what was an ambigram? He searched his memory for the crucial information- a fruitless quest having just been waken when someone tried to drown him, keeping both his left shoulder and head down, apparently sensing the current fragility of his head! Luckily it was the same water they used to dunk Langdon in- or so he thought...

...Suddenly Cluebot-dragon-3055 turned into a cat! Apparently the after-effects of the knife-wand weren't over, and the Wikipediholic clenched the cat's throat- but as Cluebot is invincible Cluebot was suddenly cured and turned into a dragon that would never switch forms, being cursed(sorta) that way until the story's end which never will happen. NO LOOPHOLES! The Wikipediholic, naturally, turned into a cat. Suddenly he remembered what an ambigram was and realized that the only way he could have read the "air" sign head was if it was the same upside down as up- an ambigram- and felt his cat-human head turning from cat to human and back and the dragon forcing him down with claws that magically shaped to a cat's or human's head- depending appropriately on which the Wikipediholic was- and he thought, "well this explains why i dreamt of trying to save a cat!" All seemed lost when the person who was currently a cat tasted the water and determined with catty senses that it was water he was trapped in, and the Cluebot heard a strange rustling noise, heard only by the Cluebot-Dragon-3055, ...

Resulting, the bot went into a catatonic state of shaking and drooling, which ended in his parts being distributed and broken randomly by a large mass of spontaneous fire. After witnessing something as harrowing as this, the wikipediholic decided to... Backtable Speak to meconcerning my deeds. 21:27, 14 August 2010 (UTC)

Turn back into a person, but he found he couldn't do this until he destroyed the Death star, which he couldn't do because he had no Atari game cabinet with a Star Wars game on it sitting around. So the wikipediaholic cracked a... hoverFly | chat? 14:19, 16 September 2010 (UTC)

...knuckle which resulted in terible agonizing pain. Suddenly the world famous doctor who he couldn't see burst in and...

...decided to materialize within the Wikipediholic's body, and then he fell through a trapdoor and somehow ended up on the set of Deal or No Deal, with Jimbo Wales as the host, Willy on Wheels as the banker, and Michael Jackson as the contestant. Then... VeryPunny

...the Wikipediholic fainted, and landed on his caps lock button, which promptly told the monitor to fall on him, so that the Wikipediholic would get shards of the screen in his eye. The monitor did so, but the Wikipediholic woke up before the glass hit him, so instead the glass changed into white gold, and the Wikipediholic danced with joy, until he tripped and... hoverFly | chat?

....fell into his computer. He looked through and suddenly found a cookie in the computer. He grabbed it and climbed out, hoping to meet a fellow Wikipedian. Oh, how desperate he was to find one! But he was too hungry, so he couldn't control himself and ate the cookie. Just after it went down his gullet, he realised (too late) that the cookie was actually made of polonium. "Oops," he said to himself. "Never mind, at least that will put an end to this crazy life of mine!" Suddenly, before the radioactivity could kill him... Double sharp (talk) 12:26, 28 March 2011 (UTC)

...Erkala the hooded crow from the series Feather and Bone: The Crow Chronicles flew down and perched on his computer with two immunizations. She said that one would be an antidote that would make him as immortal as Jimbo Wales while the other was even more polonium. She took two Phillies baseball caps and moved the injections around, asking him to pick one. He picked the one on the... Pumagirl7 Leave a message

...browser window, which killed him, but was immediately revived by the cow, who gave him an antidote, the one that was under the cap. He asked if his was polonium, which then the cow promptly evaporated. He then heard a voice, telling him to go to the Pinball 3D game, where he... A person who has been editing Wikipedia since October 28, 2010. (talk) 00:23, 15 July 2011 (UTC)

...must get a score of 1,376,982 exactly or he would be trapped within the computer forever. After fifteen hours, he had a score of 1,376,854, and the shot was lined up perfectly to get his exact score. As he released the lever he had used to hold up the ball, it richocheted off of all the right parts, and then fell right between the two levers. He had no more lives left, and his score was 1,376,981. He was trapped inside the computer forever! He felt like he was being pulled forward as he was sucked into the laptop. He felt himself being compressed into a 2D shape, and suddenly he was within the computer. Looking around, he noticed that the icons were starting to take notice of him. Firefox looked over and, seeing a human, dropped off the globe and started chasing him, but AOL interfered, protecting the Wikipedian from destruction. The fox, seeing that he had disappeared, curled up with the world again, and AOL dropped his arms. "You need to be more careful," AOL said. "Firefox is extremely protective of his computer. Now, there is a way to get out of the computer, but it is dangerous. There will be spam, phishers, Trojans, firewalls, trolls, and the Defraggler. All you have to remember to get out is... Brambleberry, RiverClan Medicine Cat VisitFollow

...that all you need is love and BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING You so if...Tayyab Saeed(talk) 10:38, 15 October 2011 (UTC) draw too much attention to yourself you will become a vandal for all eternity also don't pick up the compass that's actually Safari one more thing...--Breawycker (talk to me!) 21:14, 15 October 2011 (UTC)

... make sure to avoid that red bird over there, or else something very nasty will happen, something you probably don't want to happen. Also, you don't want to go near that e over there, as it may confuse you for some of its enemies. Off you go! As soon as the trapped 2D character took one step, he entered a game that contained fireballs and a skinny guy in blue overalls. He found himself dressed as... (talk) 02:52, 19 November 2011 (UTC)

...Peach. Now, someone, whose name is Bowser, picks him up, runs away, and eats him. Now, obviously, it is not the princess (Thank you Wikipedians, but the princess is in another castle), because otherwise Bowser wouldn't eat him. He is put into a real peach and in the middle of Bowser's intestines is a portal. He played portal for a few hours before falling into a real portal. He was instantly teleported to Hogwarts, where Sonic the Hedgehog, Severus Snape, and Max Planck are having a battle with wand, transsonic speed, and automatic shotgun Blackboard and Calcite. He was given pot stickers and money as weapons.

One of his weapons

...But he couldn't do anything, because:
"Avada Kedavra!" Snape shouted
The green streak of light hit Dumbledore squarely in the chest, sending him flying towards the United States and towards the Wikipedia buildings. Chaos ensured, sending the 4 of them into time-traveling spells from a guy named Dan and a girl named Lily. Everyone, including Snape, and the Wikipediaholic were all transported 95 years ago, into the midst of the Battle of the Somme. (talk) 07:40, 19 November 2011 (UTC)

...There once was a girl named Melissa
who wanted to go to Broadway
She trained really hard
But failed at everything...
(I don't care if it doesn't rhyme, let's just continue with the story...)
And there should be an article on the place she went training, but it would be original work, so anyways, VIA multiverses and German Amounts(um) say that there are an infinite amount of universes, so in another universe the dead body of Dumbledore crashed into the girl and killed her on her way to school. Back to the story. Anyways, Snape got shot, obviously, which released the curse on You-Know-Who and You-Know-Who just collapsed on the ground just like dead people. Sonic rushed the Wikipediaholic away from the battlefield to an island.

Anyways, so the Wikipediaholic parachutes down from the island, carrying a M16, and landed safely, unlike the other parachuter in the original. Now, imagine the faces of 21th century people as they realize the truth about this island. So, Melissa was sitting in her class reading Lord of the Flies when someone ran into the classroom carrying the Washington Post. Headline: LORD OF THE FLIES ALL LIES, TRUTH IS THAT SOME IDIOT KILLED JACK!!! YAHOO!!!. She fainted... (and will play an important role later...)

The Wikipediaholic landed safely and noticed some kids. One of them was throwing a stone at a fat short kid, and the fat kid went flying through the island and dying. The Wikipediaholic was so disgusted with it that he shot the other kid (Jack) in the anus. All the other kids started throwing rocks at him, but they were no match for a rifle. The only problem was that a rock hit him in the head and sent him flying into the sea behind him, but not with a sight of someone else. Marissa!

...He woke up in this stage of limbo, where he overheard Cobb from Inception talking to some Japanese businessman Mr. Saito... - (talk) 07:40, 19 November 2011 (UTC)

...What were they talking about?

A) Cleverbot
B) How to kill Sarah Palin
C) Integral Calculus
D) Your Mom (who's over 9000!!!)
E) Your bace (all of it belong to us)

Unfortunately, all of them are correct, because suddenly, Mr. Saito turned around and shot at a robot with the words CLEVERBOT RULES on him. He instantly died, only to be replaced by a domesticated silver fox and an automated computer program. The wikipediaholic, being a wikipediaholic and such, started writing an article about this incident. Out of the blue, Sarah Palin appeared and accused him of adding random stuff and wrote on his talk page that she reverted his edits because they don't help Wikipedia. Sarah Palin's shirt said:


Sarah Palin started yelling at the wikipediholic, and then your mom appeared and... - (talk) 21:50, 19 November 2011 (UTC)

...hit Sarah Palin upside the head for being a POV-pusher. However, all of Fox News came and tried to beat you up. So, you...Agent 78787 (talk) 16:08, 28 December 2011 (UTC)

...started referring the Wikipediaholic as "you". Therefore the wikipediaholic had to put Template:Tense on this page. Anyways, CATS blew up a story and sent all its characters into this story. Next, Bob the Llama...

sniffed the ground. He understood Wikipediaholism. Little goodies dropped or snuck between the bars on 4-fingered, 1-thumbed hands were his addiction. But empty outstretched hands of strangers scratching on his forehead or grabbing his neck was quite unpleasant. HIs zoo-wife never got close to the fence, even after sundown after the people left. Cheryl didn't have the itch.

Anyways, Philip hacked into the Wikipediaholic's account and copied chapter 1 of this story onto this page:

There was once a boring story. This is not it. On the topic, there was once a boy named Phillip. Phillip's ankles were frail from biting them while bored in school. His teacher, a crab, he hated. The teacher's pincers...wait...not really. I lied. They are hands...really! Anyway, one day he found out that his mom was concerned about his grades.

He went to his guidance counselor who inexplicably brought out the fact that he enjoyed pie. Phillip had found that when he sneezed, time would mysteriously stop. Also, when he clapped, llamas would die. Llamas were endangered! Carl Wheezer cried. But soon, he decided that he poated potato juice and tried not to kill the llamas.

Anyway, I ate Arrakeen Giant Sandworms and then died. Dying really hurts. Bob the llama pointed out "We're getting off topic!" "But who cares?" Phillip clapped and Bob the llama died. Everybody cried because Bob was famous. Bob was reincarnated. He then joined the orginization of super llamas. But soon, he began the quest for Michael Jackson's llama, which unlike others, refused to spit on annoying tourists. Then, Michael Jackson, riding a llama, started eating pie.

Phillip and Bob skipped past the flying German duck, laughing with elves dancing around their flying voodoo dolls dancing around their emo fish cakes. However, I digress. They are so cheaters. They manipulated the dice in a Monopoly game. Anyway, soon a flying pancake exploded. The shockwave hit a farting fish in the face. Mike the fish played Monopoly with another fish called Peggy. Peggy blew up. Mike mourned over his spilled milk, but not Peggy. Peggy came back. Then, Bob played some non-Scrabble Monopoly. Mike joined in. Out of nowhere, another paragraph started.

"Help! I eat Michael Jackson's baby llamas!" cried the evil Queen Elizabeth, then blew up. Three words is three words, dork. "Don't insult my highly intelligent pie!" I cried whilst assassinating the queen. Phillip found a three word story in his pants. Bob moved on to a better nation of pie. For your information, that nation's Denmark. Economical frivolities result in Mike's cake exploding into fragments and stuff. Shoes like peppermint. Jimbo hates people referencing poisonous lemonade.

Michael Jackson then arrived and did something totally and unbelievably normal: an epic dance.

Eating slugs is the only thing that wikipediaholics always do.

Unfortunately, for Philip, he was discovered by the wikipediaholic and was beaten up by him. Then the police came here and arrested the Wikipediaholic for assault and battery. Then...

He was sentenced for 5 years in prison. However...

He made a cocktail in prison by filtering hand sanitizer through salt and assaulted the guard...

...who then let him out because he was annoyed. The wikipediaholic then found a purple cat with green eyes.

He then took it home. However...

he rammed his boot right up its bum and kicked the cunt to kingdom come, but that fucking cat came back. Now how did he do that?

"oh no," he said! Meanwhile, in the kingdom of Uncyclopedia, something bad was brewing...

A banana exploded in to a yucky mess all over...

the cats face, he couldn't help but give the cat a...

dangerous overdose of in-jokes. The Uncyclopedian plot to overthrow Lyrithya had begun! They put it to a vote to dethrone her and remove her queenly powers. They tortured the cat horrifically. They made him write the entire article of AAAAAAAA!, not knowing that it had melted the original creator's brain trying to read the mess! They then fed him to an evil hybrid of Oscar Wilde, Your Mom, and a Grue. Uncyclopedia hates wikipedian cats. Jimbo thought there was no hope and his beloved cat was doomed, but then... --██████ 23:50, 25 September 2012 (UTC)

the cat jumped on his head, humming the first movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony. At first, he thought the cat had knocked a screw loose, but then he noticed that a few vibrations coming from its tummy. The crazy cat had eaten an MP3 player! It had... A Shiny aluminum baseball bat and it started swinging it at the birds to get them to dance to... Teh Flying Corgi ... and the birds complied, while he found himself swaying to the beat, then vomiting out...Dreamfigure (talk) 06:04, 22 February 2014 (UTC) so much bombs to Uncyclopedia that it was literally ruined, the cat then leaped off to the king of Narnia. However, Narnia was also destroyed! The Wikipediaholic, panicking, traced back his steps and went back all to where this story started. However, the Wikipediaholic was so lost, he managed to make it to... 2014 AD! He traveled ahead of time and saw stuff that should've been in Neverland. However, the Wikipediholic went to Dr. Who, who decided to cut off his head! He was about to, but then...Vinethemonkey (talk) 05:48, 18 April 2014 (UTC)Vinethemonkey HAL 9000 came and said "Come on out now," in a voice that sounds absolutely nothing like Douglas Rain. "How come you don't sound like him?" "Sound like who?" The red light was blinking, but then...Ack! Ack! Pasta bomb! (talk) 00:59, 26 April 2014 (UTC) It internally imploded, sending the Wikipediaholic to ThunderClan, where he was instantly chased off by a patrol. He wandered around, his head aching, when something flashed in front of his face........Thanks, ❀Larksky12358Guestbook 23:55, 6 June 2014 (UTC) The patrol got back on him and yelled "You're going to San Andreas, fool!" And before he knew it he was in Los Santos...Ack! Ack! Pasta bomb! (talk) 06:30, 1 August 2014 (UTC)
The wikipediholic then fell in a warp pipe and landed in Mario Curcuit (from Mario Kart DS). He got in Peach's castle and jumped in the Bob-omb Battelfield and finds his cat. Daemon64 (talk) 23:44, 18 October 2014 (UTC)

The List of Legendary Storytellers[edit]