User:Airhogs777/Wikipedia: The Musical
[Song: Welcome to Wikipedia, Whatever] A new user, Susanne Henderson, joins Wikipedia. [Song: I'm Being Evil Today!] Prof. Wheels sends a virus to the Wikipedia servers to shut them down for a few days. His plan is effective but annoys Henderson. She complains to The Foundation to turn it back on, [Song: Wikipedia:SOFIXIT!] and is quickly kidnapped by Wheels.
This scares the Foundation, mainly because they are funded by community donations and might lose support if users know their data is hackable [Song: What to do, what to do‽]. Agent Splarka is sent to free her but fails to even hack the security system, despite years of coding experience. Henderson tells Wheels about Uncyclopedia [Song: Uncyclopedia] and he leaves to enjoy a life there, fixing the servers in the process. [Song: It's all alright]
EXT - WIKIOPOLIS STRIP MALL - DAY
Our main character, Susanne Henderson (a new user and n00b) enters LC and walks down the strip mall, checking her talk page for messages on a cell phone or Bluetooth headset.
|Song: WELCOME TO WIKIPEDIA, WHATEVER|
I jump in!
INT - PROF. WHEELS' LAIR (LOUNGE)
Prof. Wheels sips from a mug of coffee and slumps in his recliner. Through the lounge window, one can see his VandalBots and henchmen, each with his or her IP address on a nametag over a matching polo shirt. Jimbo can bee seen by video feed.
|(CHUCKLES) Oh, Jimbo. Your Hugglers are strong, but I've a trick or two up my sleeve|
|Do your worst, you maniacal fiend! We at the Foundation have sworn to protect our repository for the knowledge of mankind. Your villainous ways cannot taint that.|
Wheels stands up, sets his mug on the side-table and sneers.
|Do you even realize you've fallen into a trap?‽ While you were off-guard, my men were sending your servers a virus to pop the very Linux kernel on which they reside. Our estimates are you'll be down until Tuesday!|
|That would be three days too many.|
Prof. Wheels presses a button on the table.
|Where are your Hugglers now‽(MANIACAL LAUGH)|
SPLIT-STAGE ( L WIKIOPOLIS STRIP MALL, R FOUNDATION HQ) Dennis Tierney at the Foundation HQ picks up the phone.
|Yeah, whatever. Do you have any idea that your site Wikipedia is down?|
|Yes, we're aware of some slight technical difficulties going on right now. We've been told our servers will be up by early next week.|
|Well, I just think that...|
|Song: WIKIPEDIA:SOFIXIT! (no recording available)|
Whadda ya do when things are all sad?
Henderson pants from exertion after such a stressful number.
|And I will complain to the news about this.|
She hangs up and walks into what appears to be a news station, only to find instead Prof. Wheels' lair. She screams and is tackled by a muscly vandal.
Fade to black.
INT - FOUNDATION HQ
Inside the Foundation HQ, Jimbo stares up at a large suspended screen UC, on which Prof. Wheels is shown video-chatting once again, behind him the background described in scene 1.
|What do you want now, Wheels?|
|I just wanted to gloat. You are donation-funded, yes? Well, then, you can't afford much more bad publicity, now can you? IN THAT CASE, WHAT EXCUSE WILL YOU MAKE FOR ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOUR USERS‽|
Prof. Wheels then turns the camera towards Henderson, who is tied up and standing in a kiddie-pool full of water.
Jimbo's right-hand woman, Sue Gardner, runs from LC and immediately sees what's going on.
|William, let's not be unreasonable! She's only a new user, think of the trauma she must be going through!|
|Trauma, indeed! (CHUCKLES)|
GIANT TV SCREEN - INT(?)
The spotlights suddenly flash onto the large screen, this time the rest of the stage darkened. After a short clip of noise, Prof. Wheels again appears.
|Hello English-speaking world. This is Professor Willy Wheels, here to say that Wikipedia is now an un-safe zone. After I infected their servers with a deadly virus, limiting you all to the uninhabitable Wapedia, I managed to capture one of their new users. And here she is:|
The screen changes to reveal Henderson, still constrained.
|Help me, Jimmy! I'm in the new--|
She is tackled by a large bot and the screen returns to a content-looking Wheels.
|You saw it here first, so commence mass hysteria.|
The rest of the stage becomes lit with a fiery mob. Glass breaking and shrill screams can be heard while Wheels ad-libs a few paragraphs of things that just add to the situation. Fade out.
FOUNDATION HQ - INT
Everyone is rushing around, trying to organize the fretting volunteers and admin
|Song: WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO‽ (no recording available)|
|Wikipedia I: The Movie||Wikipedia II: The Users Strike Back||Wikipedia III: Revenge of Jimbo||Wikipedia IV: Attack of the Vandals||Wikipedia V: Brambleberry's Journey||Wikipedia VI: The Last Editor|
|Wikipedia: The Musical|
Movies in bold are completed; movies in italics are still under construction.