User:Airhogs777/Wikipedia: The Musical

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This following page contains material which is kept because it is considered humorous. It is not intended, nor should it be used, for any remotely serious purpose.

Plot synopsis[edit]

Act I[edit]

[Song: Welcome to Wikipedia, Whatever] A new user, Susanne Henderson, joins Wikipedia. [Song: I'm Being Evil Today!] Prof. Wheels sends a virus to the Wikipedia servers to shut them down for a few days. His plan is effective but annoys Henderson. She complains to The Foundation to turn it back on, [Song: Wikipedia:SOFIXIT!] and is quickly kidnapped by Wheels.

Act II[edit]

This scares the Foundation, mainly because they are funded by community donations and might lose support if users know their data is hackable [Song: What to do, what to do‽]. Agent Splarka is sent to free her but fails to even hack the security system, despite years of coding experience. Henderson tells Wheels about Uncyclopedia [Song: Uncyclopedia] and he leaves to enjoy a life there, fixing the servers in the process. [Song: It's all alright]

Script[edit]

ACT I[edit]

Scene 0[edit]

EXT - WIKIOPOLIS STRIP MALL - DAY

Our main character, Susanne Henderson (a new user and n00b) enters LC and walks down the strip mall, checking her talk page for messages on a cell phone or Bluetooth headset.

Song: WELCOME TO WIKIPEDIA, WHATEVER

I jump in!
Sign up for a site I've never tried out before.
My head spins
it unscrews and rolls across the floor!
Edit!
What the heck is WikiCode—I wanna learn more!

They say it will get easier as I go
Good luck, have fun, how can I? There's nothing I know!
As I move along, I know it will get better!
You leave me this message:
Welcome to Wikipedia, whatever!

Templates!
What does that mean? How does it go? How am I doing?
The pipe is...
Dividing the name and variables I'm using?
Edit!
Computer talk... it's so confusing!

They say it will get easier as I go
Good luck, have fun, how can I? There's nothing I know!
As I move along, I know it will get better!
You leave me this message:
Welcome to Wikipedia, whatever!

Brackets!
Hundreds of them... Thousands of them!
They clutter the page.
Unfit—
to be learning this malarkey,
I'm not some sage!
Edit!
I will learn that "WikiCode" - I'll light up the stage!

They say it will get easier as I go
Good luck, have fun, how can I? There's nothing I know!
As I move along, I know it will get better!
You leave me this message:
Welcome to Wikipedia, whatever!
Welcome to Wikipedia, whatever!

Fade out.

Scene 1[edit]

INT - PROF. WHEELS' LAIR (LOUNGE)

Prof. Wheels sips from a mug of coffee and slumps in his recliner. Through the lounge window, one can see his VandalBots and henchmen, each with his or her IP address on a nametag over a matching polo shirt. Jimbo can bee seen by video feed.

PROF. WHEELS
(CHUCKLES) Oh, Jimbo. Your Hugglers are strong, but I've a trick or two up my sleeve
JIMBO
Do your worst, you maniacal fiend! We at the Foundation have sworn to protect our repository for the knowledge of mankind. Your villainous ways cannot taint that.

Wheels stands up, sets his mug on the side-table and sneers.

PROF. WHEELS
Do you even realize you've fallen into a trap?‽ While you were off-guard, my men were sending your servers a virus to pop the very Linux kernel on which they reside. Our estimates are you'll be down until Tuesday!
JIMBO
That would be three days too many.

Prof. Wheels presses a button on the table.

PROF. WHEELS
Where are your Hugglers now‽(MANIACAL LAUGH)

Scene 2[edit]

SPLIT-STAGE ( L WIKIOPOLIS STRIP MALL, R FOUNDATION HQ) Dennis Tierney at the Foundation HQ picks up the phone.

DENNIS TIERNEY
Wikimedia Foundation.
HENDERSON
Yeah, whatever. Do you have any idea that your site Wikipedia is down?
TIERNEY
Yes, we're aware of some slight technical difficulties going on right now. We've been told our servers will be up by early next week.
HENDERSON
Well, I just think that...
Song: WIKIPEDIA:SOFIXIT! (no recording available)

Whadda ya do when things are all sad?
Technical problems just ain't that bad
I'm a beginner, this makes me mad
Wikipedi- Wikipedia: SOFIX—
Whadda ya do when things don't go right?
Nonchelauntly ignore me all night?
Foundation, you're looking for a fight
Wikipedi- Wikipedia: SOFIXIT!
Na na, na na na!
Whadda ya care about 'user base?'
Don't you care you'll get bit in the face?
Internet life is a great big race
Wikipedi- Wikipedia: SOFIX—
Hear it from me, and a million more
You're getting yourself into a war
I want to se what so many adore...
Wikipedi- Wikipedia: SOFIXIT!
SOFIXIT!
Na na, na na na!
(more to be written later)

Henderson pants from exertion after such a stressful number.

HENDERSON
And I will complain to the news about this.

She hangs up and walks into what appears to be a news station, only to find instead Prof. Wheels' lair. She screams and is tackled by a muscly vandal.

Fade to black.

ACT II[edit]

Scene 3[edit]

Fade in.

INT - FOUNDATION HQ

Inside the Foundation HQ, Jimbo stares up at a large suspended screen UC, on which Prof. Wheels is shown video-chatting once again, behind him the background described in scene 1.

JIMBO
What do you want now, Wheels?
PROF. WHEELS
I just wanted to gloat. You are donation-funded, yes? Well, then, you can't afford much more bad publicity, now can you? IN THAT CASE, WHAT EXCUSE WILL YOU MAKE FOR ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOUR USERS‽

Prof. Wheels then turns the camera towards Henderson, who is tied up and standing in a kiddie-pool full of water.

JIMBO
SUE!

Jimbo's right-hand woman, Sue Gardner, runs from LC and immediately sees what's going on.

GARDNER
William, let's not be unreasonable! She's only a new user, think of the trauma she must be going through!
WHEELS
Trauma, indeed! (CHUCKLES)

Scene 4[edit]

GIANT TV SCREEN - INT(?)

The spotlights suddenly flash onto the large screen, this time the rest of the stage darkened. After a short clip of noise, Prof. Wheels again appears.

WHEELS
Hello English-speaking world. This is Professor Willy Wheels, here to say that Wikipedia is now an un-safe zone. After I infected their servers with a deadly virus, limiting you all to the uninhabitable Wapedia, I managed to capture one of their new users. And here she is:

The screen changes to reveal Henderson, still constrained.

HENDERSON
Help me, Jimmy! I'm in the new--

She is tackled by a large bot and the screen returns to a content-looking Wheels.

WHEELS
You saw it here first, so commence mass hysteria.

The rest of the stage becomes lit with a fiery mob. Glass breaking and shrill screams can be heard while Wheels ad-libs a few paragraphs of things that just add to the situation. Fade out.

Scene 5[edit]

FOUNDATION HQ - INT

Everyone is rushing around, trying to organize the fretting volunteers and admin

Song: WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO‽ (no recording available)

Footer[edit]

Wikipedia I: The Movie Wikipedia II: The Users Strike Back Wikipedia III: Revenge of Jimbo Wikipedia IV: Attack of the Vandals Wikipedia V: Brambleberry's Journey Wikipedia VI: The Last Editor
Wikipedia: The Musical

Movies in bold are completed; movies in italics are still under construction.