User:Short shifts

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Short Shifts[edit]

Short Shifts is a term oft used in hockey to describe the ideal time a player is out on the ice. Players are regularly instructed to skate hard and to keep the shifts short. Thus "Short Shifts".

Short Shifts is also a notable information gathering and information giving network of gentlemen that "report" on the Milwaukee Admirals. Short Shifts is your guide to Milwaukee Admirals news and information, of course the terms news and information is very loosely used. This "Organization" is not bound by the team, league, or grammar rules. Because they are not paid by any affiliate, Short Shifts has no reason to lie to you. In fact they love you. They also love Twitter.Short_Shifts Twitter

Big Scoops[edit]

  • Ben Eaves retirement
  • Numerous player movements
  • Called Obama's win before CNN
  • Billy Mays' death
  • Ryan Miller game hosting

Short Shifts[edit]

A band of misfits with scattered backgrounds got together under the treaty of hockey. They decided that their two cents was worth more than the average joe's. They started a blog about the Milwaukee Admirals and just asked people to read, and read they did. The site is the most viewed website in the world, breaking the previous record holder of some adult website. The gross income for the site is ranked 3rd in the world with an average daily income of 3.4 million dollars. The crew attends all Admiral games at the Bradley Center and some road games that are close. They pride themselves on witty responses and breaking news. The analysis of the group has been compared to the genius of Bob Dylan but more influential.

The team has a distinct following with loyal fans. When Short Shifts had a gathering to thank the fans the CIA was called in just in case they were going to start a movement. They are that huge.


Eric Kent[edit]

His story began in 1953 after Eric Kent arrived on the shores of an American naval base returning from his 6th tour of WW2. As he waited for his mom to pick him up with her minivan he decided that he would watch a peewee hockey game. Mesmerized by the fundamentals of the five year old players he decided from that point on he would become the best hockey player the world has ever seen.

The next year Kent did just that. At the age of 23 he was drafted by the "Harry's Hardware Herrings". There was much protest to his eligibility because he was 18 years over the age limit. However after months of bogging down the court system with this class action law suit he successfully used the Chewbacca defense and was granted 3 years of eligibility. He went to work immediately by setting several league records including all time scoring champion. He won the award in his rookie year scoring an amazing 146 goals. The previous record of 3 was held by Billy Tuggwall a 5 year old Toronto native.

After going league to league leaving impressive records in his wake, he sustained a career ending injury when Kent, a grizzled vet at the age of 43 separated his right shoulder breaking the jaw of 6 year old Jeff Etzell which was Eric's 8th fight in the same game. He won all the fights and also holds the record for most players sent to pediatrics in a single game

Kent then took the next several years attempting to find another job. After being "asked" to leave Kansas, Idaho, and Nebraska he finally caught on as a prison guard at a minimum security correction facility in Milwaukee,WI.

Kent then fell off the grid for many years refusing to even mention hockey. It wasn't until a chance encounter with Kent's favorite radio DJ Ryan Miller that the opportunity came up to "report" on the local minor league team of the Milwaukee Admirals.

Ryan Miller[edit]

Ryan Miller was just a young lad when he was asked to become a man. After being "forgotten" in a phone booth while his family visited the Berlin Wall a litter of Snow Leopards took him in as there own. Learning to speak fluent Leopardneese he began his journey to unite all Leopards. After years of territory wars and treaties broken Ryan Miller had enough. He became the peace advocate for all leopards. In 1986 a rival leopard pack put an attempted "hit" on Ryan, after that he decided to take his fight to the human population, it would be safer that way.

Ryan came to America on a Ford pick-up that was converted into a boat. After 2 years adrift in the ocean he finally found the shores of San Diego. Ryan called California home for several years. He made his living traveling into Mexico for no rules cage fighting in Tijuana where he became the champion in two weight classes. During his down time he found him self tuning into hockey a lot, he found the ice refreshing and reminded him of his former life. Being the reigning champion in the Tijuana Fighting League or TFL, opportunities seemed to seek him out. In October of 1992 Ryan found a new profession as a fighting instructor with the San Diego Demon of the MSPHL (Maximum Security Prison Hockey League). The league was short lived as they set it up in the same manor as the Running Man movie. With expanding civil rights the league had to fold due to a ruling that states "all people (including inmates) have rights. This rulling still haunts Ryan to this day.

During his career in the MSPHL Ryan met many people, including a free thinking business man that had as many disorders as he did companies. One of the many companies was a local radio station out of Macon,GA. Bruce Magneesh the business man, had a fear that animals are going to take over the world. The doctors thought it had to do with many of his disorders, regardless, he wanted to make sure he had someone that could talk to the animals and reason with them if they were to ever take power. Lucky and conveniently for both parties Ryan spoke fluent Leopardneese.

Several years as Macon's number one trans-species speaking DJ Ryan received bad news. The radio station and its employees were being shut down. As it turns out, Bruce was using the station as a cover to smuggle prescription drugs over state lines. His main supplier was a mob boss out of Milwaukee, Wi. So as per his sentence he was to spend no less than 50 years behind bars. Ryan, thankful for his break would often go and visit Bruce there. With his frequent visits the guards started to recognize him, including one of his biggest fans, Eric Kent. Soon Ryan would travel to Milwaukee, but not to see Bruce, it was to hang out with Eric. As there friend ship grew as did there love for hockey.

Ryan still seeks Leopard Unity...

Andrew 'Sutty' Sutliff[edit]

Born in 1843 Sutty is currently the oldest member in the Short Shifts group, however he is the newest member. during the first half of his life he was a bounty hunter in the mostly undeveloped west. He was feared amongst the locals and known by those abroad. He became known when he alone captured 15 armed bank robbers using his soothing voice and a vicious roundhouse kick. He was bared from bounty hunting after a horrible incident when a roundhouse kick went astray and caught a little girl in the jaw and severed her head right off. Due to his previous vocation he was given a reduced sentence of 90 days, but only served 7 due to good behavior.

Sutty has the dubious distinction to be the only living person to have served in all but one American war. During the Civil War he was a Private serving with the North. Due to his past experience with warfare he was promoted to a Corporal in WW1 with the Army branch. He was awarded several medals including best foxhole in the company and the purple heart when he was stabbed in a bar by a french maid for "rude" comments. The Army was so happy to have him back to fight the German war machine that they promoted him to a Captain.He quickly found him self being promoted to a General however was court-martialto a Private when he was heavily intoxicated, stole a Sherman tank and demolished a whole city block on a dare.

it wasn't until Al Gore invented the internet that Sutty found his real calling. He Could commit crimes without leaving the confines of his own home. So he was hacking into banks and businesses and transferring money out into an offshore account. He never quite got the concept as several times he accidentally emptied his account into the banks. After several hours of the judge laughing him out of a court room they sentenced him to serve 9 months in a Detroit prison. After his term was over he sailed the beautiful Lake Michigan where he landed at Bradford Beach. He then moved inland where his parole stated that he had to get a job using the internet as punishment for "being so dumb about the internet" as the judge put it. To "show" them he found a free gig where all he does is comment on a social networking site called Twitter for some little blog.