"Just because you are a character doesn't mean you don't have character".
Winston Wolfe is a pseudonym who contributes to h2g2, Wikipedia and the local print media, (where he is able to retain more editorial control, and take a more relaxed approach to reality).
Winston's aware "Wolfe" is mis-spelt, and knows this introduction begins with a misquote.
Some other misquotes Winston appreciates are;
"You can stop wondering whether I'm making this all up. Of course I am". Clive James.
"I wanted to set the record straight, or at least definitively crooked". Douglas Adams.
"I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes." Walt Whitman.
"Unless I'm very much mistaken" Murray Walker
"I have squandered my resistance for a pocket full of mumbles" Simon and Garfunkel
"The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls" Ditto
"Oo, yeah, you know you could't cause me any harm. Although, at times, I may get startled, I'm not alarmed. I can see your eyes, I know when they're telling me untruths. I can feel the heart, especially when it's on the roof of my mouth. There's no right or wrong, this isn't a test and I won't lose my experience; I won't try to put it aside, but it's alright, you know that it's alright, 's alright, it's gonna be alright, 's gonna be alright. And if I told you Would you never know to guess? Sure, what's the point, when little often means so much less. I can see for miles, know when you're telling me untruths. I can feel my heart, esepcially now. It's on the roof, of my mouth. There's no right or wrong. This isn't a gesture, I don't use my experience. I don't try to let it go by, but it's alright, you know that it's alright, it's alright, it's gonna be alright" Beth Orton.
Dobedobedo Frank Sinatra
"Alone among the animals, [man] is dowered with the capacity to invent imaginary worlds, and he is always making himself unhappy by trying to move into them. Thus he underrates the world in which he actually lives, and so misses most of the fun that is in it. That world, I am convinced, could be materially improved, but even as it stands it is good enough to keep any reasonable man entertained for a lifetime. As for me, I roll out of my couch every morning with the most agreeable expectations. In the morning paper there is always massive and exhilarating evidence that the human race, despite its ages-long effort to imitate the seraphim, is still doomed to be irrevocably human, and in my morning mail I always get soothing proof that there are men left who are even worse asses than I am." H. L. Mencken
"...the lunatics are in the hall. The paper holds their folded faces to the floor..." Pink Floyd
"We'll back you right up till the point you need us" Joseph Heller
"Bad Cop, no doughnut" Homer Simpson
"down the drain like molten toothpaste" Split Enz
"F--K that, who's coming with me" Jack Hinton
The Declaration of Independence in American
WHEN things get so balled up that the people of a country got to cut loose from some other country, and go it on their own hook, without asking no permission from nobody, excepting maybe God Almighty, then they ought to let everybody know why they done it, so that everybody can see they are not trying to put nothing over on nobody.
All we got to say on this proposition is this: first, me and you is as good as anybody else, and maybe a damn sight better; second, nobody ain't got no right to take away none of our rights; third, every man has got a right to live, to come and go as he pleases, and to have a good time whichever way he likes, so long as he don't interfere with nobody else. That any government that don't give a man them rights ain't worth a damn; also, people ought to choose the kind of government they want themselves, and nobody else ought to have no say in the matter. That whenever any government don't do this, then the people have got a right to give it the bum's rush and put in one that will take care of their interests. Of course, that don't mean having a revolution every day like them South American yellowbellies, or every time some jobholder goes to work and does something he ain't got no business to do. It is better to stand a little graft, etc., than to have revolutions all the time, like them coons, and any man that wasn't a anarchist or one of them I.W.W.'s would say the same. But when things get so bad that a man ain't hardly got no rights at all no more, but you might almost call him a slave, then everybody ought to get together and throw the grafters out, and put in new ones who won't carry on so high and steal so much, and then watch them. This is the proposition the people of these Colonies is up against, and they have got tired of it, and won't stand it no more. The administration of the present King, George III, has been rotten from the start, and when anybody kicked about it he always tried to get away with it by strong-arm work. Here is some of the rough stuff he has pulled:
He vetoed bills in the Legislature that everybody was in favor of, and hardly nobody was against.
He wouldn't allow no law to be passed without it was first put up to him, and then he stuck it in his pocket and let on he forgot about it, and didn't pay no attention to no kicks.
When people went to work and gone to him and asked him to put through a law about this or that, he give them their choice: either they had to shut down the Legislature and let him pass it all by himself, or they couldn't have it at all.
He made the Legislature meet at one-horse tank-towns, so that hardly nobody could get there and most of the leaders would stay home and let him go to work and do things like he wanted.
He give the Legislature the air, and sent the members home every time they stood up to him and give him a call-down or bawled him out.
When a Legislature was busted up he wouldn't allow no new one to be elected, so that there wasn't nobody left to run things, but anybody could walk in and do whatever they pleased.
He tried to scare people outen moving into these States, and made it so hard for a wop or one of these here kikes to get his papers that he would rather stay home and not try it, and then, when he come in, he wouldn't let him have no land, and so he either went home again or never come.
He monkeyed with the courts, and didn't hire enough judges to do the work, and so a person had to wait so long for his case to come up that he got sick of waiting, and went home, and so never got what was coming to him.
He got the judges under his thumb by turning them out when they done anything he didn't like, or by holding up their salaries, so that they had to knuckle down or not get no money.
He made a lot of new jobs, and give them to loafers that nobody knowed nothing about, and the poor people had to pay the bill, whether they could or not.
Without no war going on, he kept an army loafing around the country, no matter how much people kicked about it.
He let the army run things to suit theirself and never paid no attention whatsoever to nobody which didn't wear no uniform.
He let grafters run loose, from God knows where, and give them the say in everything, and let them put over such things as the following:
Making poor people board and lodge a lot of soldiers they ain't got no use for, and don't want to see loafing around.
When the soldiers kill a man, framing it up so that they would get off.
Interfering with business. Making us pay taxes without asking us whether we thought the things we had to pay taxes for was something that was worth paying taxes for or not.
When a man was arrested and asked for a jury trial, not letting him have no jury trial.
Chasing men out of the country, without being guilty of nothing, and trying them somewheres else for what they done here.
In countries that border on us, he put in bum governments? and then tried to spread them out, so that by and by they would take in this country too, or make our own government as bum as they was.
He never paid no attention whatever to the Constitution, but he went to work and repealed laws that everybody was satisfied with and hardly nobody was against, and tried to fix the government so that he could do whatever he pleased.
He busted up the Legislatures and let on he could do all the work better by himself.
Now he washes his hands of us and even goes to work and declares war on us, so we don't owe him nothing, and whatever authority he ever bad he ain't got no more.
He has burned down towns, shot down people like dogs, and raised hell against us out on the ocean.
He hired whole regiments of Dutch, etc., to fight us, and told them they could have anything they wanted if they could take it away from us, and sicked these Dutch, etc., on us.
He grabbed our own people when he found them in ships on the ocean, and shoved guns into their hands, and made them fight against us, no matter how much they didn't want to.
He stirred up the Indians, and give them arms and ammunition, and told them to go to it, and they have killed men, women and chdren, and don't care which.
Every time he has went to work and pulled any of these things, we have went to work and put in a kick, but every time we have went to work and put in a kick he has went to work and did it again. When a man keeps on handing out such rough stuff all the time, all you can say is that he ain't got no class and ain't fitten to have no authority over people who have got any rights, and he ought to be kicked out.
When we complained to the English we didn't get no more satisfaction. Almost every day we give them plenty of warning that the politicians over there was doing things to us that they didn't have no right to do. We kept on reminding them who we was, and what we was doing here, and how we come to come here. We asked them to get us a square deal, and told them that if this thing kept on we'd have to do something about it and maybe they wouldn't like it. But the more we talked, the more they didn't pay no attention to us. Therefore, if they ain't for us they must be agin us, and we are ready to give them the fight of their lives, or to shake hands when it is over.
Therefore be it resolved, That we, the representatives of the people of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, hereby declare as follows: That the United States, which was the United Colonies in former times, is now a free country, and ought to be; that we have throwed out the English King and don't want to have nothing to do with him no more, and are not taking no more English orders no more; and that, being as we are now a free country, we can do anything that free countries can do, especially declare war, make peace, sign treaties, go into business, etc. And we swear on the Bible on this proposition, one and all, and agree to stick to it no matter what ha pens, whether we win or we lose, and whether we get away with it or get the worst of it, no matter whether we lose all our property by it or even get hung for it.
From THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE, THIRD EDITION, 1923, pp. 398-402. First printed as "Essay in American" in the Baltimore Evening Sun, Nov. 7, 1921. (Now out of copyright).
On reviewing this page and a few recent posts the I note I have made a few jokes about Americans. My apologies to Americans at large, I really do like almost all of you and your country. Just not the handful of you who write "citation required" for statements that are footnoted a few paragraphs away, delete material about New Zealand posted from New Zealand which has not been proved to comply with American law in 7 days, and those amongst your farmers who lobby for autarky and environmental devestation. The rest of you great job, really.
|The Photographer's Barnstar|
|For providing a very fine and 'arty' B+W image of One Tree Hill before the logging. And to force you to remove one of your infoboxes ;-) MadMaxDog 05:02, 30 June 2007 (UTC)|
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