User talk:Hmorris3

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Hi Morris

please correct the outline of your article. It does not follow wikipedia format. Details are posted in the slides on web ct. You dont need to create a contents section.. If you follow the steps.. it will be created automatically.. If you face any issues, Please see me.. We can try sort this. thanks Diksha41 (talk) 23:43, 16 April 2012 (UTC)

Review of your article[edit]

Maternal Health in Uganda- -”Sen, a feminist economist, “ It seems more proper to call him by his full name, Amartya Sen.

-“adds to that as he said that” this is awkward sounding. Could you just say ‘has said that “....”’?

-“ The argument has also been made the other way” This also could be better rephrased, maybe by just saying that life expectancy and wealth are correlated, and feed into each other.

-It also seems like

-” you’re relying very heavily on Sen, and might benefit from diversifying a bit.

-”Yearly, 8 million babies die before or during delivery or in the first week of life.” This is unsourced, so I’m unsure as to whether it includes the scope of pregnancy-related issues (or even abortion) or if it is only concerned with the loss of life due to a mother’s poor health condition.

-”Further, many children are tragically left motherless each year” While true, this sounds like editorializing.

-” It has also been found that the health of the mother vastly effects the health of all of her children. The health of our mothers vastly impacts the health and success of our future generations.” This is repetitive, only the first sentence is needed. Also, it should be ‘affects’, not ‘effects’.

-” Uganda’s maternal mortality ratio, the annual number of deaths of women from pregnancy-related causes per 100,000 live births [6], stands at 435 [7] after allowing for adjustments.” This doesn’t mean much to most readers unless they have a normal rate to compare it to.

-”Uganda is slow in its progress in the fifth goal of improving maternal health in its Millennium Development Goals.” Hrm.. They aren’t Uganda’s MDGs, I would trade ‘its’ for ‘the’.

-” only 42% [10] of births are attended by skilled health personnel” This reads awkwardly, I think you can move the citation to the end of the sentence to improve it.

-” the share of births attended by skill health personnel” I think you mean ‘skilled’?

-” The study found that few of these units had running water; electricity or a functional operating theater” The semicolon should be replaced with a comma.

-” As high as 80% of childbirths used herbs.” I understand what you mean, but I think this could be phrased better, and it should have a source.

-” While only 68% of women in the study had attended at least four antenatal care visits during their last pregnancy. Only 19% of women in the study could indicate at least three danger signs.” These should probably be merged into one sentence, as the first sentence isn’t complete without the second.

-”However, the TBAs’ lack of knowledge and training and the use of traditional practices” This sounds like it discounts knowledge gained through experience, you might want to say “lack of formal knowledge and training” to differentiate without discounting this experience.

-”In 2006 it was found that some rural areas of Uganda up to 90% of the population” Should say “it was found that IN some rural areas..”

-” Maternal death is considered a natural phenomenon and encourages the use of herbs, “ Does maternal death really encourage the use of herbs? If not, consider rephrasing.

-” There tends to be a patriarchal order of communities. Therefore, women have a very limited control of resources and in most cases have poorer health. The study found that dosing and toxicity levels need to be monitored in the use of medicinal herbs during labor. “ The order of your sentences here is convoluted. Consider finishing talking about herb use before or after you talk about women’s relatively poor health compared to men’s. The rest of this paragraph should be rearranged.

-” A study in Mukono, Uganda, determined that the most effective delivery system of intermittent preventive treatment (IPTp) for pregnant women was that education was a factor in health seeking behaviors. “ This sentence should be reworded, it doesn’t make sense as is.

-”most of them adhered to the two doses of SP.” You should explain what SP is.

Overall, pretty comprehensive, good job!

Corinthiandiosa (talk) 02:27, 25 April 2012 (UTC)Corinthiandiosa

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