Wikipedia:Even more Best of BJAODN

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This is a collection of the best jokes and nonsense from Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense. The criterion for a joke getting on this page is simple: at least one Wikipedian or even non-user actually found it good.

Pope Powers[edit]

This was added by an anon at the end of Pope#Election.

There is also a way that any individual, who is male, above the age of fourteen,a petifile, and catholic, can become Pope. You must kill the Pope and steal his ring an place it upon your own finger. This grants you the legendary "Pope Powers." There are three ways to kill the Pope: 1) Formally challenge the Pope to a duel(You must be well trained to battle the "Pope Powers") 2) Battle up the ranks of the papacy until you reach your final goal of the Pope(Note: It is much easier to formally challenge the Pope, but you can gain papacy powers by defeating those in lower ranks). 3) Assainiate the Pope. It is recommended that you kill the Pope otherwise he may retain his power and come after you. He can only be formally challenged or killed outside the Vatican, or he is otherwise immortal.

Mark Ogilvie[edit]

Mark Ogilvie is widely reknowned for being the greatest human being ever conceived. This would be true, if it were not for the fact that Mark Ogilvie is not technically human, but an android constructed from experimental alien alloys. Mark Ogilvie, human or not, is indeed the most perfect creation on the planet Earth, nay, the Milky Way galaxy.

Mark's Construction[edit]

Mark Ogilvie was built on the twenty ninth day of the sixth month of the year one thousand nine hundred and eighty eight. This was a glorious day indeed, and shall forever be known as Blue Tuesday.

This was not a glorious day had by all, however. Corrupt-O-Tron, the demon robot, was determined to put a stop to all this nonsense, and killed off the nation of Chad, which he had then ruled. Mark Ogilvie, being the benevolent soul that he is, was deeply pained by the loss of Chad, but due to his complete lack of involvement with the country, the sadness passed in rapid fashion.

Mark Today[edit]

Today, Mark Ogilvie is ruler of all mankind, through the secret Brotherhood of Nod, and a generous benefactor to all of planet Earth's governments. His holiness may be contacted at: personal information removed mark loves eating markdonalds in brasil

The Bandersatch Revolution[edit]

Unknown to Mark, an insurrection dawned. A new enemy, Bandersatch the Bold (a dreaded Squidlich) was to lead this awful revolution. Through new breakthroughs in the field of science, such as nanotechnology and cybernetic skin grafts, Mark the Benevolent grafted upon his right arm a mighty Yamato Cannon. With this new additional appendage, he blasted Bandersatch into near oblivion and smote the remains upon the highest peak of Mt. Everest, thus thwarting all possible vile acts from the sinister fiend in the future. Mark Ogilvie had saved Earth once again.

Time Commander[edit]

Mark Ogilvie can often be found discussing the merits of a being by the name of Time Commander. Little is known about this enigmatic person, only that he seems to be some sort of interdimensional being that uses his powers over time to combat the wrongdoings of the creature Corrupt-O-Tron, the demon robot. As such it has been recently hypothesized by a number of people in the scientific community that Mark Ogilvie is, in fact, Time Commander himself. Mark Ogilvie tends to quell such rumors, insisting that Time Commander is a greater person than even himself. This statement is widely disputed.

From Template:AOL[edit]

I'm a proteolytic enzyme:

Attention:

This polypeptide, ({{PAGENAME}}), is a proteolytic enzyme and is shared by multiple users. Comments left on this enzyme may be received by other polypetides using this IP and appear to be irrelevant. Caution should be used when blocking this enzyme or reverting its hydrolysis products without checking.

Please note: proteolytic enzymes often change catalytic activity with each page they load.
Subsrates or inhibitors bound to this page will not likely be received by the intended allosteric site.

From Mental Retardation[edit]

Mental retardation (also called mental handicap and the UK Mental Health Act (1983) defines mental impairment and severe mental impairment) is a term for a pattern of persistently slow learning of basic motor and language skills ("milestones") during childhood, and a significantly below-normal intellectual capacity as an adult.

During childhood, the term developmental delay is synonymous but currently preferred in many contexts because of the pejorative connotations acquired by the term "mental retardation". Developmental disability is also preferred by some, but can refer to other disabilities as well. The American Association on Mental Retardation continues to use the term mental retardation [1].

Although it can be defined objectively, mental retardation does not represent a single condition. Some of the difficulties of characterizing mental retardation more precisely are illustrated by comparing mental retardation to the condition of short stature, with which it shares all of the following characteristics:

  • Diagnostic criteria are defined statistically and arbitrarily.
  • There are many subgroups with distinguishable developmental patterns.
  • It is not a single, homogeneous disease; there are many known causes, both inherent and environmental, and congenital and acquired.
  • Different diagnostic criteria are used for different purposes.
  • More than one factor may contribute to retardation for any one person.
  • New conditions and causes are discovered or better understood each year.
  • Treatments can be very effective, marginally beneficial, or ineffective, varying by cause and age of intervention.
  • For a significant proportion of affected people, a cause cannot be determined.

From Slow[edit]

the speed at which Wikipedia operates

From Hot Sex[edit]

hot sex is a fun habbit

From Socrates[edit]

Rock Star Career

After philosophizing for a while, Socrates decided that he was tired of constantly asking questions in response to other questions. Consequently, he decided to form his own rock group, the Socratic Four, which consisted of Aristotle on the drums, Plato on bass, Euclid on lead guitar, and Socrates himself on vocals. The group actually became very successful, touring Greece for about 2 years, and earning god-like status in Athens. At one point, there were plans for a huge mega-concert on Mount Olympus to celebrate the band. However, these plans were cut short when Plato abruptly left the band, citing philosophical differences with Socrates as the major reason for breakup. After the demise of the Socratic Four, Socrates continued to tour with a backup band, performing vocals for the Four's greatest hits.

--FOo 01:52, 18 Feb 2005 (UTC)


Wikipedians will do anything[edit]

From the reference desk...

can you balance a egg on your foot?? Maoririder 20:54, 6 December 2005 (UTC) not a trick question.

I just tried it and I could do it easily. —Keenan Pepper 21:55, 6 December 2005 (UTC)
While it's very easy the balance the egg on its side, it is more difficult (ie still possible, but it fell off my foot and cracked) to balance it on its end. --Commander Keane 22:04, 6 December 2005 (UTC)

Hacker standard time[edit]

Hacker standard time (HST) is a relative time zone occurring no less than three hours behind where the hacker actually lives. This means, should a hacker be awake at 3am according to local time, it is only midnight in his time zone. It is important to note that hacker standard time is adjustable according to occupation and time of year. Should the hacker still be in school, the three hour rule generally applies. However, during his summer vacation, the rule is traditionally scalable to at least an 8 hour difference. This enables hackers to miss daylight entirely, keeping to their necessary vampiristic existence.

If the hacker is out of school and in the working world, hacker standard time may be adjusted such that the hacker adjustment takes place only at night. This means should the hacker be awake at 2:59 am local time, it is but 11:59pm his time. However, when he wakes up at 7am for work, it is 7 am in both HST and local time, meaning the hacker simply scales back the amount of sleep he gets, existing on the half hacker standard time regimen.

So, when you see a hacker early in the morning (1pm or earlier in local time), please avoid loud noises. Allow them to adjust to their surroundings for at least an hour before any valuable information exchanges are conducted.

User:Carnildo/MyBJAODN[edit]

Mercilessly copied here for posterity and cuz more people will see it.

Binary pulsar, originally posted by 69.196.170.44[edit]

Binary pulsars are the process by which dual linear profusions are emitted in synchronized sequence amounting in pulses that result in tubular forces. These pulsars are binary by nature due to their divisive magnitude, which is caused by the energy forcefield creating the pulses. These are typically occur in astrophysical calculations that are terminated by misused energy commonly associated with galactic norms. These norms are subject to vigorous anomalies of natural standards of random and chaotic bursts of matter.

From Orca, originally posted by 81.129.189.19[edit]

The orca, commonly known as the minute ant is the smallest known living creature. Not visible to the naked eye, the orca needs one of the most 5tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttggtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttpowerful microscopes in the world to even be seen. Living on a diet of lion and occasionally bald eagle, it spends its days much like a sloth. It lives in only the deepest parts of the river Thames it is entirely self reliant and takes no money from its parents. Nor can it be approved for a student loan.

Squirrel melts, originally posted by 132.162.244.141[edit]

A common alternative to tuna or patty melts. Simply substitute tuna/meat for boiled squirrel meat. Skin the deceased squirrel and put his bare carcass in a pot of boiling water until thoroughly cooked. The carcass is kind of cute, actually. Once cooked, pick the meat off the bones and shred any large pieces. Mix in mayonaise, grated cheese, celery bits, and your choice of nuts. You know how squirrels like nuts. Put mixture on an english muffin and cover with a slice of cheese. Heat the melts until your desired temperature. Great for weekend snacks at a football game or tailgate party. Squirrel melts- you must try them.

1,2-Dimethyl-chickenwire, originally posted by Cacycle[edit]

For the full article, see User:Carnildo/1,2-Dimethyl-chickenwire

1,2-Dimethyl-chickenwire, is an odorless, colorless, crystalline organic compound. 1,2-dimethyl-chickenwire is a polycyclic non-aromatic saturated hydrocarbon or alkane. It was developed by the chemistry professor Nick D. Kim at the University of Waikato in New Zealand and was first described together with several of its analogs.

From General Relativity, originally posted by 69.238.217.46[edit]

General relativity (GR) or general relativity theory (GRT) General Relativity was the commanding officer of the 1st Light Cavalry troops from the state of Illinois during the American Civil War, hence the well-known relationship between "Light" and "Relativity."

From Longest word in English, originally posted by 213.239.235.202[edit]

The word pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, also spelled pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis, is defined as "a lung disease caused by the inhalation of very fine silica or quartz dust." At 45 letters, it is certainly the longest word ever to appear in a non-technical dictionary of English (Source: OED). However there are strong indications that the word was coined by puzzler Everett Smith in 1935 as a hypothetical long word that could result from the protraction of medical terms. The actual name of the disease is pneumoconiosis, which is 14 letters long. As a result, opposition has risen to the claim that pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is the longest word in the English language. Opponents of the claim are known as dispneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosisists while supporters of the claim are popularly known as antidispneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosisists. Some supporters showing ambivalence are scornfully referred to by linguistic extremists of the latter school of thought as pseudoantidispneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosisists. But the ambivalent school, speaking pseudoantidispneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosisistically, faces something of a logical conundrum.

From Sonic screwdriver (a Doctor Who device), originally posted by 67.185.129.168[edit]

Manufacture[edit]

To make a sonic screwdriver, mix 2 oz. vodka with 8 oz. orange juice. Add one small blue hedgehog. Serve over ice.

From Caps lock[edit]

THE CAPS LOCK KEY ON AN APPLE WIRELESS KEYBOARD. NOTE THE GREEN LED, SHOWING THAT CAPS LOCK IS ACTIVE.

THE loo UTILITY OF THE KEY ALLOWED THE TYPING OF ALL CAPS WHERE APPROPRIATE, SUCH AS TITLES AT THE TOP OF A PAGE, WITHOUT REQUIRING THE TYPIST TO MANUALLY KEEP THE SHIFT KEY DEPRESSED AS LONG AS NEEDED. HOWEVER, WITH THE ADVENT OF MODERN STYLING SUCH AS SMALL CAPS AND SECTION HEADERS ENTERED ONLY ONCE, THIS FUNCTION HAS DEPRECIATED IN USEFULNESS. ON INTERNET CHAT SYSTEMS AND USENET, TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS IS CONSIDERED RUDE, THE LARGE LETTERS AKIN TO SHOUTING OR YELLING WITHIN THE SOCIAL CONTEXT. ON A MORE PRACTICAL LEVEL, CAPS LOCK MAY BE DIFFICULT TO READ. A USER WHO EXCESSIVELY USES CAPITAL LETTERS MAY BE ADVISED TO "LAY OFF THE CAPS LOCK."

USE OF THE CAPS LOCK IS ALSO ASSOCIATED WITH NEWBIES WHO DO NOT CONSIDER THE APPEARANCE OF THEIR WRITING. ON THE PC KEYBOARD USED WITH MOST OPERATING SYSTEMS (MAC OS X EXCLUDED), HOLDING THE SHIFT KEY WITH CAPS LOCK ON WILL PRODUCE A LOWERCASE LETTER, YIELDING A TEXT STYLE CONSIDERED TYPICAL:

        THIS USER LOVES HER/HIS CAPS LOCK KEY.

CASE SENSITIVITY, A COMMON SECURITY FEATURE, CAN ALSO CONFLICT WITH CAPS LOCK. MANY SERVICES AND PAGES THAT UTILIZE THIS FEATURE WARN THE USER UP FRONT TO CHECK THE STATUS OF THE CAPS LOCK FUNCTION BEFORE ENTERING A USERNAME AND/OR PASSWORD. FAQ PAGES AND OTHER HELP GUIDES ALSO INCLUDE THIS ADVICE TO REDUCE THE INCIDENCE OF COMPLAINTS TO SUPPORT TECHNICIANS FOR SUCH A MINOR AND EASILY-PREVENTED ISSUE. IN MAC OS X, WHEN CAPS LOCK IS ENGAGED AT A LOGIN OR AUTHENTICATION PANEL, A SYMBOL FOR CAPS LOCK (⇪) WARNS OF THE STATE FROM WITHIN THE PASSWORD FIELD.

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