"racing the 100 m and 200 m freestyle and the corresponding relays, having completed his transition to sprinting" - .... those are swimming races, yet you say he was sprinting (previous sentence too), or am I just confused?
Of course... I can't believe I didn't pick up on that. I'd suggest you make it a bit clearly that you mean short distance swimming the first time you use the word (maybe "from distance swimming to sprinting" --> "from long to short distance "sprinting"") as I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought of running first. Well, I hope I'm not. Giggy (talk) 07:23, 16 October 2008 (UTC)
Support with all concerns addressed. Giggy (talk) 07:27, 16 October 2008 (UTC)
Comments - sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:37, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
Comments — A good article for the most part. It needs a thorough copyedit, however. Some examples from the lead and the "Early years" section:
First sentence seems a tad long and hard to read.
He won his first national title in 1961 with victory in the 1650 yd freestyle, and won the 220–440–1650 yd treble in 1962. - Does it need "with victory"?
Could you write a tad about his early/personal life in the lead?
The infobox says he was born on 7 November 1944, but the article mentions nothing of this.
In the first paragraph of the "Early years" section, some of your numbers above 10 are spelled out, while others aren't.
A turning point for Windle was the 1960 Australian Championships; he came second in the 1650 yd freestyle behind John Konrads and was selected for the 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome. - "Came in" → "placed".
He then dropped out of high school to attend a three-month training camp in Queensland with the Olympic swimming team. - "Then" is redundant.
Windle did not swim in Rome, with team officials merely wanting him to learn from the routine and atmosphere of Olympic swimming. - This would read more clearly as: "Windle did not swim in Rome; team officials merely wanted him to learn from the routine and atmosphere of Olympic swimming.
On his return to Australia, he switched to the tutelage of Don Talbot, who also coached Konrads. - "On" → "Upon".
He was known to do twice as much pre-season training as the other swimmers in Talbot's squad. "Known to do" isn't encyclopedic language. Maybe "Known to complete"?
When I find time, I'll review some more of the article later, though I have one quick question at the moment. Is "However, his victory was overshadowed by a suit malfunction that caused his bathers to partly fall off while he was racing" notable enough to warrant inclusion? –JuliancoltonTropicalCyclone 02:18, 17 October 2008 (UTC)
Oppose - Aside from needing a copyedit, for me the article is not resourceful enough, It uses few sources, although has enough citations which suggests to me the subject has not been researched as thoroughly as one would expect for our best work on wikipedia. There must surely be articles on him in the newspaper archives in Melbourne and Sydney Blofeld of SPECTRE (talk) 18:03, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
Well, I've scraped out everything in the resources attached, and I've managed to scrap out three more sources and whatever info is in them. I don't know what you think is missing. I have included the results of every Olympic, Commonwealth and Aus Championship race that he competed in. Unfortunately the electronic archives (subscribers only) only goes back 20 years, so the Sydney Morning Herald can't be used yet. YellowMonkey (click here to chose Australia's next top model!) 07:20, 16 October 2008 (UTC)
Comment - Bert Trautmann, a recently promoted FA, uses photos of important locations in his life to make up for the fact that it has no photos of him. Are there any appropriate photos of important locations involving Windle, like one of Toyko, for example? The picture situation is always difficult for people from this era. I'm skipping my usual prose review for now because this has enough commentary already. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:55, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
Comments - First, nice job on the images, though the one Flickr photo needs a license adjustment, as Mr. Fuchs said. Now for the article itself...
"During his career, Windle set six world records, won six Commonwealth Games gold medals and 19 Australian Championships in all distances from 200 yd up to 1650 yd." Sentence looks off to me, perhaps because and doesn't come before won. Also, is up needed, seeing as a similar statement earlier doesn't use it?
This one caused some confusion, and I apologize for not making my beef clearer. To understand why I don't like this, it's necessary to read the whole sentence out loud. If you do that, you may find that the transition after the comma is what I see wrong. What I want is to see a connecting word (and) added after "set six world records,".Giants2008 (17-14) 23:12, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
Maiden national title and international medals: "His quest to sweep all of the freestyle events failed when David Dickson defeated him in a touch finish in the 110 yd race." I'd like to see "touch finish" defined for those who may not understand its definition.
Olympic gold: Delink United States here.
"This meant that the Australians were the second fastest qualifier for the finals." Hyphen for second fastest? If so, check for other similar uses.
If Tony told you that, I'm fine with it. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:55, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
"Although made up 1.8 s on the Japanese anchor swimmer..." "He" did? :-) Maybe insert after first word.
US college career: "After the Olympics, Windle enrolled at Indiana University-coached by Doc Counsilman-on a swimming scholarship." Sounds like he coached the whole university. Perhaps move something around to fix this.
Support - I've neer gotten to see your articles at FAC YM, but this one's great. —Ceranthor(Sing) 20:03, 17 October 2008 (UTC)
About to give it a quick run-through, but everything seems to be in order. Support, any edits I will make will be superficial. Daniel (talk) 03:16, 21 October 2008 (UTC)
My comments are all struck, and I do believe it meets the comprehensiveness criterion, if only just. Therefore, I support. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:55, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
CommentI'm currently copyediting the article a bit, but I got stuck at this sentence, which I'm having trouble understanding: The quartet won their heat and qualified fastest, with the Americans second with their second-choice team. Is it possible to reword that? –JuliancoltonTropicalCyclone 01:53, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
Support, with my concerns addressed, and some copyediting. It might help to get someone new to the article to run through it with a fine-toothed comb, but it looks good for the most part. –JuliancoltonTropicalCyclone 12:54, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
Support. I enjoyed reading this article. I have made a few edits to fix a few problems with the prose, but on the whole this is a beautifully written piece. I know next to nothing about the subject, (well more than I did this morning), but it seems comprehensive. Well done. Graham ColmTalk 20:01, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.