Wikipedia:No climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man
|This page is an official lunacy on the English Wikipedia. It has wide acceptance among editors and is considered a standard that all users should follow. When editing this page, please ensure that your revision reflects consensus. When in doubt, discuss first on the talk page.|
|This is a decree by the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW). It expresses opinions and ideas that are absolutely and irrefutably true whether you like them or not. Changes to it must reflect the wishes of the Supreme Cabal. When in doubt, please ignore the talk page and just keep reverting.|
|This page in a nutshell: No Wikipedia editor may climb the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man or anyone else to gain advantage in a content dispute or otherwise.|
Sometimes even the coolest of editors become involved in content disputes. These may become heated, or degenerate into incivility and revert wars, and typically result in protection on the Wrong Version by a passing administrator. Where the issues are of paramount importance, editors may be tempted to climb the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man to promote their cause. This is not only strongly discouraged but a blockable offense, and climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man will result in a complete and utter block from editing Wikipedia.[nb 2]
This is intended to stop content disputes from escalating to the extent of scaling public buildings dressed as popular comic book characters. Note that climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man is an absolute limit — not an entitlement! Users scaling any public building dressed as any popular comic book character may be blocked for disrupting Wikipedia to make a really stupid point. Even threatening to do so is generally viewed as unacceptable. Wikilawyering about how high up the Reichstag you climbed (or about what qualifies as a "popular" comic book character) is right out.
Editors who believe that another user is on the verge of climbing the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man may place a request at the Administrators' Drama Board (Reichstag Climbing). Many administrators from the Rouge Admin Group will honour requests if asked, and will enforce blocks if warranted. Or unwarranted, we don't care too much actually. Maybe we'll just block people at random, dunno.
It all boils down to this
Look, if you have been linked here from a talk page or a Wikipedia debate such as articles for deletion, it's probably an indication that someone thinks you are taking things a bit too seriously. Perhaps you should have a nice cup of tea and a sit down. It is pretty certain that all conflicts can be amicably resolved before the publication deadline. And if they can't be resolved before the deadline, adopt the philosophy of the late Douglas Adams.
Security advice and historical background
Look, the Reichstag already has been wrapped, scaled, and set alight (such attempts have led to lost heads). So if you still intend to climb the Reichstag again and again, dressed in a fancy uniform, and to have your photo taken up there, be careful to have the right support and adequate gear with you. And make sure that your audience understands the difference between a watch and a wrist compass.
No jumping off the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man
It's not a good idea to believe anyone who tells you that because you're dressed as Spider-Man, your superpowers will protect you from injury when you jump off the top of the Reichstag. Similarly, it's never a good idea for anyone to delete the main page simply because they believe a new software feature now prevents them from doing it. If you survive the fall, you will only end up in the village stocks. This is unfortunate, as the tomatoes thrown at you are very, very stinky.
This applies even if you are the genuine Spider-Man
As Wikipedia has no policy for verifying your credentials, we cannot make exceptions to this policy even if you are the genuine Spider-Man or are genuinely named Spider-Man.
Other applicable superheroes and buildings
This shall also apply to climbing an M25 gantry dressed as Batman. Army crawling along the A1 dressed in the outfit of The Stig is equally unacceptable, no matter the time of day, nor the place of entry nor exit.
As seen in elsewhere, you are not allowed to climb the Washington Monument, not even if you are the real Spider-Man. And don't even think about doing the Salesforce Tower.
No jumping off the highest point of the Temple in Jerusalem dressed as Jesus, even if you are Jesus (Matthew 4:5–7).
- The Supreme Cabal hereby orders the reader to ignore the fact that the audio file to the right of this command is over 10 years out-of-date, and may well thus say the exact opposite to the rest of this article, as Wikipedia can never hope to succeed as a great new religion unless it has enough self-contradictions in its sacred scriptures to guarantee that it has texts to satisfy every taste. Fnord.
- Alain Robert
- Publicity stunt
- Spider-Man (nickname) — more people nicknamed "Spider-Man"
- Wikipedia:Advice for hotheads
- Wikipedia:Assume bad faith
- Wikipedia:Don't be a fanatic
- Wikipedia:Don't be a jerk
- Wikipedia:Don't edit war over the colour of templates
- Wikipedia:Lamest edit wars
- Wikipedia:No angry mastodons
- Wikipedia:Please be a giant dick, so we can ban you
- Wikipedia:Staying cool when the editing gets hot
- ^ The above caption has been ruled by the Supreme Cabal to be both NPOV and in the best possible taste, as per the First Commandment – Thou shalt always be absurdly sycophantic towards Jimbo, and thou shalt pretend to be happy about it.
- ^ It should be noted that, somewhat contrary to the inaccurate claim sometimes found near the top of this page, this page used to contain material that was kept because it was considered humorous . But the Supreme Cabal eventually  deemed it necessary to censor much of the (allegedly) humorous content on grounds that it might distract readers from the serious purpose of the page. The Supreme Cabal was of course right (as it always and infallibly is right by definition, especially when the foolish and wicked believe it to be wrong), as clearly proved by the shameful ignorance of many editors who had (and mostly still have) no idea that the page has any serious purpose, on the basis that foolishly or wickedly trying to make readers laugh cannot possibly be construed as a serious purpose.
- ^ (for instance in this version)
- ^ in 2019