Wikipedia:Peer review/Cretan War/archive1

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Cretan War[edit]

I want to see what can be improved in this article and what needs to be improved for it to make FA standards. Kyriakos 07:08, 2 October 2006 (UTC)

I find the article very good, but it could be improved in terms of language both in usage and in clarity.
e.g. "The war started with Philip of Macedon having Spartan and Aetolian pirates raid Rhodian ships". Was this the cause for the war or was it the first stage of the war, which was caused by something else? Either way, the wording could be changed to reflect more clearly the intended meaning.
--Atavi 17:45, 2 October 2006 (UTC)
Can you suggest any other improvements? Kyriakos 22:10, 2 October 2006 (UTC)
In time, I will proof read the article to find other points, and either will correct them myself when I can, or write about them here, so you can attend to it.--Atavi 08:47, 3 October 2006 (UTC)
I have made some changes, of which I hope you will approve.
Regarding
"The Athenians were so pleased by the rescue that replaced the recently abolished pro-Macedonian tribes, the Demetrias and Antigonis tribes with the Attalid tribe in honour of Attalus."
myself being unfamiliar with the subject matter, I don't quite understand the background of the tribes, how they were abolioshed, how they were pro-Macedonian etc. Maybe you could expand a little, or write a separate article and link to it.
Thanks for the cody-edit the article needed it and thank you for all the other work you've done for the article. Do you think it could make it to A class or FA? Kyriakos 09:39, 3 October 2006 (UTC)
You're quite welcome.
Again based on my comprehension of the text, perhaps this paragraph could be rewritten so that they are more clear:

In response to these complaints the Romans sent three ambassadors, Marcus Aemilius Lepidus, Gaius Claudius Nero and Publius Sempronius Tuditanus to Egypt with the orders to go to Rhodes after speaking with Ptolemy

Was it the ambassadors who spoke to Ptolemy and then went to Rhode, or was it Rome that spoke with Ptolemy and then sent the ambassadors to Rhode?
Regarding, A class and FA, I must say that I'm not really qualified to speculate on the judgement. The article is very informative and exemplary sourced, but this is as much as I can say with certainty. You'd be better off asking someone else.
My opinion is that you did great work on the article.
Regards, Atavi 10:16, 3 October 2006 (UTC)
Once again thank you for your support and work. :) Kyriakos 10:43, 3 October 2006 (UTC)

I would check each redlink (the concern is that there are quite a few) to see if either a)at least a stub or longer article can be written for it, or b) if there is little chance an article of any length will ever be written for it, black it. -Fsotrain09 22:54, 2 October 2006 (UTC)

Are there any other suggestions? Kyriakos 08:25, 3 October 2006 (UTC)