Wikipedia:Peer review/Curtis Woodhouse/archive1

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Curtis Woodhouse[edit]

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I think the article can potentially reach GA status.

Cheers, --Jimbo[online] 23:45, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Mattythewhite (talk · contribs)[edit]

First of all, good work so far, the article looks completely different.

  • Personal preference, but the date of birth "April 17, 1980" could be displayed in the British format "17 April, 1980".
    • Done - missed that!
  • There is some information in the lead that doesn't appear in the main article, e.g. his playing for England under-21s, being born in Driffield or falling out of love with football. The lead should only be a summary of the main article and so shouldn't contain any new details, per WP:LEAD.
    • Added details to England U21 caps.
    • Added "fallen out of love" with football comment to para about early boxing career.
      • Done
  • "Blades" - jargon.
    • Done - changed to Sheffield United
  • This sentence needs a reference.
    • Done
  • "He made 17 appearances for Birmingham..." - reference needed.
    • Done - soccerbase ref added
  • "students" - could this be expanded? Is it referring to school students, university student etc?
    • Done
  • "...he made 28 appearances in the Championship" - it was the First Division then.
    • Done
  • "...for the fouth consecutive time"... - "time" doesn't really fit in... I'd just say season.
    • Done - typo on fourth fixed as well
  • "...on 14 October 2003,[19] that same day..." - needs rewording.
  • "Division Two" - inconsistent with the earlier "First Division" - should stay the same with how you present the division names.
    • Done - changed to Division Two
  • "In 2003–04, he made 27 appearances in..." - reference needed.
    • Done - sb ref added again
  • "Peterborough finished 18th in the Second Division, two points from relegation. Woodhouse was named as Peterborough's player of the season." - I'd personally try and merge these sentences.
    • Done - "Peterborough finished 18th in the Second Division, two points from relegation, with Woodhouse being named as Peterborough's player of the season."
  • "He made 18 appearances without scoring, in the Championship..." - don't think the comma is needed.
    • Done
  • "Tigers" - jargon.
    • Done - changed to Hull
  • "In the January 2006 transfer window he joined Grimsby Town on a two year deal..." - seems strange to mention the same transfer twice.
    • Done - only mentioned under "Grimsby Town" heading
  • "former club, Peterborough United in..." - should remove the comma.
    • Done
  • "...2006 in the 2–1 home defeat..." - I'd probably put "a 2–1 home defeat".
    • Done - Changed.
      • Question - Does this need to be changed for all occurances of "in the X–Y victory/defeat"
  • "...he planned to quit football..." - is there a better word than "quit"? Just feels a bit out of place.
    • Done - changed to "retire from"
  • " the end of the season..." - which season?
    • Done - 2005–06
  • " the final by Cheltenham Town, 1–0..." - needs rewording.
    • Done - reworded to "Grimsby were defeated 1–0 in the final by Cheltenham Town."
  • "[41][40]" - References should be ordered numerically.
    • Done
  • References [42] - no publisher details.
    • Done - misspelled publisher in the template
  • It should also be placed at the end of the sentence.
    • Done
  • "[43][37]" - numberical order.
    • Done
  • "BBBofC" doesn't need to be wikilinked.
    • Done
  • "...made 5 appearances..." - 5 should be represented as five, which applies to all numbers under 10.
  • ""Diamonds"" - jargon.
    • Done - Changed to Rushden
  • " Rushden & Diamonds on..." - I'd just shorten it down to just "Rushden" after it being used multiple times.
    • Done
  • "...on 23 April 2007," - full stop needed, not comma.
    • Done
  • " 29 Conference National matches..." - "Conference National" doesn't need to be wikilinked again.
    • Done
  • "...sixth straight victory maintaining..." - comma needed after "victory".
    • Done
  • "...2008–09..." - doesn't need wikilinking again.
    • Done
  • Are there any personal details that could be added to the article? I think this could be important to it passing a GA nomination.
    • What sort of personal details do you mean? I've had a look at a couple of other GA's (Adam Miller (footballer) and Simon Wormull) and there isn't anything on them.
      • Added in a new "Personal" section at the top. Added details of birth / where he grew up and about supporting Hull City.
        • Added more details about family and childhood.

Cheers, Mattythewhite (talk) 07:20, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Jameboy (talk · contribs)[edit]

  • "career...spanned over nine seasons" - does this mean across/during nine seasons or more than nine seasons?
    • Done - changes to "...spanned across nine seasons..."
  • Last sentence of second paragraph in lead has "before" twice. The phrasing could be improved slightly, maybe by splitting the sentence.
    • Done - split and reworded to "In May 2005, he joined Hull City for £25,000, before joining Grimsby Town just eight months later in January 2006. He retired at the end of the 2006–07 season."
  • wikilink "cup-tied"
    • Done
  • "Birmingham also finished 5th" - should it be "Birmingham finished fifth in the First Divison? You'd then need to unlink "First Division" in the last sentence of the same paragraph.
    • Done
  • You could link "penalty shoot-out"
    • Done
  • "This time, Woodhouse did not play in any of the matches" - maybe "any of the play-off matches" or "any of the three matches" (may just make it a bit clearer)
    • Done
  • "that same day that made his debut against Torquay United" the meaning is obvious but the grammar seems wrong. "the same day that he made his debut..." perhaps?
    • Done
  • I'm 50-50 on the Captain Marvel link. It is useful to see the origin of the phrase, but in this context the comics character isn't all that relevant. What do others think?
  • "he made 27 appearances in Second Division" -> in the Second Division
    • Done
  • "without scoring in the Championship for Hull over five months" - again, I would clarify beyond doubt what the meaning of over is - spanning five months or more than five months.
    • Done - changed to "...for Hull spanning across five months"
  • "without his manager knowledge" -> without his manager's knowledge
    • Done
  • "signing for Rushden & Diamonds who played in the highest-tier of non-league football in the Conference National" -> "signing for Rushden & Diamonds, who were playing in the the Conference National, the highest-tier of non-league football"
    • Done
  • "After five months out" -> "After five months away from boxing" (?)
    • Done - agreed, reads better!

Cheers. --Jameboy (talk) 12:24, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Daemonic Kangaroo (talk · contribs)[edit]

  • The section headed "Return to football and ban from boxing" is very confusing to read and switches between the two sports rather rapidly. Can it be re-written to make it easier to read?
    • Done - changed to "Return to football part-time" - that's the best I can come up with so far - anyone have any better ideas?
  • Also the dates in this section are too repetitive. Is every reference to 2007 or 2008 needed in quick succession?
    • Done

Good luck. Daemonic Kangaroo (talk) 15:58, 17 September 2008 (UTC)