Wikipedia:Peer review/Klaas Jan Huntelaar/archive1

Klaas Jan Huntelaar

I've added some detail to his recent seasons with Ajax, but I'd like to get some feedback that would help me to improve the article in general. Thanks in advance for any advice! JACOPLANE • 2007-08-27 18:45

I'm kind of lazy so I will give you some feedback from an automated peer review. Enjoy.

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

• Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.^[?]
• If this article is about a person, please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.^[?]
• As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use ^th; for example, instead of using January 30^th was a great day, use January 30 was a great day.^[?]
• As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2]^[?]
• Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.^[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Hfarmer 01:14, 28 August 2007 (UTC) Hfarmer 01:14, 28 August 2007 (UTC)

Various comments:

• The infobox states that he spent time at De Graafschap as a youth player. Is there any further information on this, or anything else from his early life?
• A dull stylistic one - according to WP:DASH, sports results should use an endash instead of a hyphen (3–0, not 3-0).
• If Huntelaar did not play in any cup competitions, put "only senior appearance" instead of "only Eredivisie appearance". His debut could do with a reference.
• Try to avoid references to summer or winter; seasons vary in different parts of the world.
• Keep sporting or journalistic jargon to a minimum e.g. scoring drought, on target.
• A few phrases have an air of POV and need referencing or removing - no goals against quality opposition, wonderful strike, controversial off-side call .
• Why is "by not selecting Huntelaar" wikilinked?
• earned a transfer to Ajax implies Heerenveen are less worthy than Ajax.
• All transfer fees and scoring records (i.e. top scorer) should be referenced.
• It seems odd to start the international section with "despite". Let the facts speak for themselves: Huntelaar was part of the preliminary Dutch squad prior to the 2006 FIFA World Cup, but was not chosen in the squad for the tournament itself", or something along those lines.
• Was the Ireland match his full international debut?
• No need for 1x or 2x before each award, the listed years show how many times each was won.
• There are a few instances of redundant phrasing e.g. This was however his one and only Eredivisie appearance for the club.
• Since Ajax had finished second in the Dutch league, they would have to play in the European play-offs to secure a place in the third round of the Champions League. "Had" and "would have to" is an indirect way of stating it. Try "As Ajax finished second in the Dutch league, they required play-offs to qualify for the third round of the Champions League."

Hope this helps. Oldelpaso 21:48, 29 August 2007 (UTC)