Wikipedia:Peer review/Maya (M.I.A. album)/archive1

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Maya (M.I.A. album)[edit]

(more info)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it needs to be PR'ed by mid-August to preserve an existing FT. All comments welcome :-)

Thanks, ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:22, 6 July 2010 (UTC)

Hey! I would change the track listing to one like this: Template:Track listing and add writers & producers. The samples could be added underneath the track listing. ;-) MariAna_MiMi (Talk) 16:35, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
It was changed to that but then someone changed it back. I'm not fuseed either way...... -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 07:56, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

Esprit15d review[edit]

Composition and recording

  • "M.I.A. (Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam)" -- why spell out her full name?
    • This is something that, for some reason, people felt quite strongly about at the FAC for one of her two previous albums, I just kept it in for this one. I don't think it hurts to give the artist's real name...... -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 09:12, 15 July 2010 (UTC)
  • "had released her" -- take out "had"
  • "British-Sri Lankan musician M.I.A. (Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam) had released her second album Kala in 2007, which achieved widespread critical acclaim and was certified Gold in the United States and Silver in the United Kingdom.[1][2] She toured in support of the album under the People Vs. Money Tour banner,[3] during which she composed and recorded some music with her Korg Kaossilator atop the pyramids of Mexico.[4]" -- can really be consolidated in to one sentence since it has little to nothing to do with the topic of the article. For all I can see, it's just a leaping off point to say that she began working on her third album while touring in support of her second album, which is what you should say.
  • "Tourmate Egyptian Lover stated he was ready to collaborate on her third album.[5] " -- Again, unrelated to the article
  • Really, that whole first paragraph can be ditched since it has nothing to do with the article topic.
  • "She collaborated with writer/producer Blaqstarr because "he simply makes good music"." -- according to whom?
  • "from thirty-hour jam sessions" -- this wording currently suggests that she had more than one jam session that last 30 hours each. Do you mean "30 hour-long jam sessions"? or "30 hours worth of jam sessions"?
  • "best artist he'd ever" -- do not use contractions and, in this case, it should read "best artist he has ever"
  • "stating "She's been" -- there should be a comma after stating

Music and lyrics

  • "She summed up the album's main theme as being information politics." -- remove "being"
  • "she spoke of the effects the merger of news corporations and the power of the internet search engine Google have on news and data content and collection" -- poorly worded, and Google really doesn't require explanation for your typical wikipedia reader (just link it, in case) "she spoke of the combined effects that news coorporations and Google have on news and data collection"
  • "she felt her son's generation would need in ascertaining the truth" -- better worded "that she felt her son's generation would need in order to ascertain truth."
  • quotes with in quotes should use single quotes (')
  • " sing, as opposed to rap on" -- comma after rap
  • "M.I.A. opted to sing, as opposed to rap on several tracks on the album, telling Rolling Stone in early 2010 that she departed from "more emphasis on production, making beats and singing less" on her previous album." -- this almost doesn't make any sense, and, particularly the last half, requires a re-write
  • "Samples used on the album range from the electronic duo Suicide to gospel choir the Alabama Sacred Harp Singers" -- better worded "Samples on the album were taken from artists as diverse as electronic duo Suicied to gospel choir Alabama Sacred Harp Singers.

Don't have time to do more for now, but I will try to come back later.--Esprit15d • talkcontribs 20:17, 14 July 2010 (UTC)

Many thanks for your comments, all addressed I think........ -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:04, 15 July 2010 (UTC)