Wikipedia:Peer review/Metallica/archive1

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Article was rewritten a month ago with fixes and corrections made the last few weeks. Plan to take it to FAC soon so would appreciate comments :)


M3tal H3ad (talk) 05:45, 2 January 2008 (UTC)

J Milburn[edit]

Not sure if there will be much to say this time around, but I'll see what I can do...

  • Would it be worth getting the current Metallica 'logo' to go at the top of the infobox, as is currently done in (for example) Slayer?
Some people bring up fair use logos in infoboxes up at FAC as they aren't critically addressed, which is why i removed it in the first place. There's a picture of the logo in early days M3tal H3ad (talk) 04:22, 3 January 2008 (UTC)
Makes sense. I'll get out of the habit of adding it. J Milburn (talk) 13:50, 3 January 2008 (UTC)
  • Not something I personally would like (I hate citations in lead sections) but people could potentially get ratty about unreferenced quotes in the lead. Our guidelines are a little vague about it.
  • "Angered by the error, the song managed" The song was angered?
  • "the nightclub, The Stone, in March 1983," Misuse of parethesis. You should be able to remove whatever is in parenthesis and the sentence should still make sense- "the nightclub in March 1983" doesn't. Possibly change to "a nightclub, The Stone, in..." or something else.
  • "the nightclub, The Showplace, in" Again, misuse of parenthesis. Perhaps just remove the first comma, along with "the". That would leave "...Hammett was on April 16, 1983, at nightclub The Showplace, in Dover, New Jersey."
  • Sorry, I'm not a musician so maybe I have missed something- "Hetfield traveled through Europe to find a comparable amp." Why did he travel through Europe? He was in Boston at the time...
Removed it, pointless trivia, not notable enough M3tal H3ad (talk) 04:22, 3 January 2008 (UTC)
  • "that the group's British label" That threw me- when you said 'group', I thought you were referring to the record label. I don't think using 'band' would be that bad.
  • "import in the U.S. Two of" The country is "the U.S.", so you are missing a full stop.
  • "and his musical ideas were ignored out of disrespect." Do you mean that they were ignored because the band was disrespecting Newsted, or because not doing so would be disrespectful towards Burton?
They were disrespecting Newsted, should this be reworded? M3tal H3ad (talk) 06:54, 3 January 2008 (UTC)
Well, that is what it says at the moment, but I was thrown due to the fact I was expecting it to talk about repect for Burton. I guess it is pretty obvious that ignoring musical ideas is disrespectful- how about simply saying "and his musical ideas were ignored by the band."? J Milburn (talk) 13:56, 3 January 2008 (UTC)
  • ""going alternative", and "selling out"." Specific references at the end of that sentence for the quotes would be good.
  • "commented, "The guitars..." As you have also used a comma after the quote, perhaps change this to "commented that "the guitars..."
  • "song for WWE's SummerSlam 2003." Link to World Wrestling Entertainment?
  • "mid-90's." No need for the apostrophe there. Perhaps change to "mid-'90s" or "mid-1990s".
  • "is credited as one of the "big four" of thrash metal, with Slayer, Anthrax, and Megadeth." Reference?
  • "Ulrich, a fan himself, asked Metallica" A fan of Beatallica or The Beatles? It isn't clear whose 'side' Metallica's lawyer is on.
  • Perhaps a picture of Mustaine in the fued section? There are a few here.
  • "given up hope of ever recording or becoming friends" - "recording with", surely?
  • External links- "Official Website" No need for the capital W.
  • Categories- I think we could also add categories for the 1990s and the 2000s- they have been active and successful in those decades too.

I'd say this is the best article I've peer reviewed, and certainly a topic worthy of being a featured article. Good luck! J Milburn (talk) 15:15, 2 January 2008 (UTC)

So much for not much this time around ;p. Thanks again! FA in due time. M3tal H3ad (talk) 06:54, 3 January 2008 (UTC)
  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 01:28, 5 January 2008 (UTC)