Wikipedia:Peer review/Rihanna videography/archive1

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Rihanna videography[edit]

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… when I removed the direct from Rihanna discography I worked hard on it. By hard I mean, I wrote the tables and the lead and properly sourced them. Now I am listing it for peer review, because in near future I want to nominate it for FLC. As a result of that I want to hear some comments that can help to improve it.

Thanks, — Tomica (talk) 17:14, 31 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from What a pro.
  • was disco and dance inspired[2] as its lyrical theme Uh, what?
  • I don't understand your point here. What I wanted to say is the themes of both the song and the video are dance and disco themed. — Tomica (talk) 16:50, 2 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, then change "as" to "like". Alternatively, put "as" after "was".
 DoneTomica (talk) 08:44, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • in a dangerous love triangle struggled between her lover and husband. Remove "struggled", and replace "between" with "with".
  • In 2006, Rihanna also starred No need for the "also".
  • For the new album, Rihanna presented completely new image and style.[8] Perhaps "For the album, Rihanna completely changed her image and style."
  • scenes of Rihanna naked; only covered in silver paint.' I don't think a semicolon is correct here.
  • Seven more singles were released from the album The Good Girl Gone Bad article says there are only seven singles, so remove the "more".
  • ; all directed by Mandler. --> "; all of them were directed by Mandler."
  • Rihanna flew to Europe, to shot --> "to shoot"
  • ideo for "Run This Town"— a collaboration Remove the space after the em-dash.
Yeah.
  • Jesse Williams made cameo appearance --> "made a cameo"
  • In all of them are featured various dance sequences.[32] ––> "All of them feature various dance sequences."
  • shows Rihanna naked - only covered in silver paint. Replace the hyphen with an em-dash.
Yup.
  • photography-based, late-1970s/ early-1980s situation.––> "late-1970s or early-1980s situation."
  • Is there really nothing on the "Live Your Life" video?
  • post-apocalyptic inspired video, shot in No need for the comma.
  • makes cameo appearance. ––> "makes a cameo appearance."
  • while wearing a stylized military costumes. ––> "while wearing stylized military costumes."
  • makes references to some artist ––> "to some artists"
  • Laetitia Casta makes cameo appearance ––> "makes a cameo appearance"
  • Other notable scene' ––> "Other notable scenes"
  • David Guetta makes cameo appearance. ––> "David Guetta makes a cameo appearance."
  • designed 18 feet long bed ––> "designed an 18 foot long bed" Also, consider putting a metric unit for that.
  • Could you help me with the metric unit. — Tomica (talk) 16:50, 2 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Put this: {{convert|18|ft|m}}.
 DoneTomica (talk) 08:44, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The video is footage of Rihanna's lifetime that she had during her 2011 Loud Tour. Remove "'s lifetime that she had".
  • I don't understand what should I do :S — Tomica (talk) 16:50, 2 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Just make it "The video is footage of Rihanna during her 2011 Loud Tour.
Re-worded. — Tomica (talk) 08:44, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • It contains reference to the 1971 film A Clockwork Orange.[82] ––> "It contains a references to the 1971 film A Clockwork Orange."
  • Merge the two cells that say "Akiva Schaffer".
Also merge the two cells that say "The Lonely Island" in the same table.
 DoneTomica (talk) 08:44, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Add a note in the "Commercials" table saying what "—" stands for.
  • I think this is better. What do you think?— Tomica (talk) 16:50, 2 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

What a pro (talk, contribs) is on fire. 15:27, 2 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Sure.
  • Rihanna's track, "Skin" Dablink!
Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate this help. — Tomica (talk) 17:34, 2 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
You're welcome! Oh, and I changed your {{done}} templates to {{done-t}} templates because uh, that's what it says in the "How to respond to a request" section above. What a pro (talk, contribs) is on fire. 02:14, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]