Wikipedia:Peer review/Sunderland A.F.C. seasons/archive1

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Sunderland A.F.C. seasons[edit]

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to receive a broad perspective on how it can be improved. Thanks. Sunderland06 (talk) 22:21, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments from ChrisTheDude (talk · contribs)[edit]

Quite a lot of spelling/grammar issues jump out upon first reading e.g.

  • no need for comma after 1879 in first sentence Done - removed.
  • "Sunderland won their first football league championship" - Football League should have capitals Done - Capitalised.
  • "seperated by a runners up spot" - "separated" is spelt wrong Done - Corrected.
  • "They came close to completing the "league and cup double" in 1912–13 season" - should be "in the 1912....." Done - Corrected
  • "but finished runners-up to Aston Villa since they were beaten 1–0 in the 1913 FA Cup Final." - reads very poorly, might be better to try simply "but were defeated by Aston Villa in the 1913 FA Cup final" Done - Changed.
  • "Since Sunderland entered The Football League in 1890, they were not relagated until the 1957–58 season;" - reads poorly and "relegated" is spelt wrong, maybe just try "Sunderland entered The Football League in 1890 and were not relegated from the top division until the 1957–58 season" Done - Changed.
  • "Their next trophy, came" - why is that comma there? Done - Changed typo.
  • "strong Leeds United team" - "strong" is POV Done - Removed POV.
  • "Their first appearance in the Premier League came in the 1999–2000 season after being promoted as champions from Division One, in that season, gaining 105 points, a record at the time." - horribly tangled sentence, should be split in two after "Division One". Try "Their first appearance in the Premier League came in the 1999–2000 season after being promoted as champions from Division One. In winning promotion the club gained 105 points, a record at the time." Done - Changed.
  • "(including the Sheriff of London Charity Shield." - bracket isn't closed Done - Closed bracket.
  • In the footnotes "paid", "relegated", "relegation", "relegated" (again) and "illegal" are all spelt wrong. Done - Corrected, eek, I gotta concentrate more on my spelling. ;)

Hope this helps! -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 09:14, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments from NapHit (talk · contribs)[edit]

  • Surely there is a picture you can use in the introduction? Done - Added Image:Stokoe statue.jpg.
  • "Sunderland Association Football Club was founded in 1879[1]" the ref needs a comma before it, as refs are only to be placed after punctuation Comment - I will move the ref to after the comma on "Sunderland & District Teachers Association Football Club by James Allan," because ChrisTheDude's comments said to remove the comma.
  • "because they won the league, but were defeated by Aston Villa in the 1913 FA Cup Final" re word this to "winning the league, but losing to Aston Villa in the 1913 FA Cup Final". Done
  • "Since Sunderland entered The Football League in 1890 and were not relegated from the top division until the 1957–58 season" remove since from the start of this sentence" Done
  • The G footnote when clicked on goes to the H footnote Done - Fixed
  • I think some of the notes are wrong as some when clcked don't go down to the correct note Done - Fixed

That's about it NapHit (talk) 13:45, 16 August 2008 (UTC)