Wikipedia:Peer review/Sweet Dreams (Beyoncé Knowles song)/archive1

Sweet Dreams (Beyoncé Knowles song)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am helping another article improving it. In general, this is a good article and it looks like a upcoming GA, so I need some ideas of what can be what can be removed or added, if it has typos and that kind of things. Thanks, Tbhotch^{Talk C.} 05:35, 11 July 2010 (UTC)

Review by Esprit15d

The article is extremely thorough and well-referenced. Kudos for that!

Lead

• Professionally, Beyoncé goes by Beyoncé, so I think we should refer to her as such in this article (instead of Knowles). It would be like referring to Usher as Raymond.
• "Lyrically, the song describe a relationship" -- should be "describes"
• ""Sweet Dreams" gained popularity for its electro-pop sound, which is in contrast to her earlier R&B, urban, and funk-tinged releases." -- this sentence makes it sound like it had more success than her earlier stuff, which is not true. Also, its worded poorly grammatically.
• "The single topped the chart of New Zealand." -- which chart?
• " in Australia, Czech Republic" -- " in Australia, the Czech Republic"

Background

• "The song was one of the first composed for I Am… Sasha Fierce,[2] and leaked in March 2008, many months before the release of the album, under the title "Beautiful Nightmare".[3] It is the first song Knowles has ever had that leaked before its official release on the album. It appeared on the internet the day after the song was recorded.[4]" -- very wordily written. Better: "Sweet Dreams" (one of the first songs composed for I Am...Sasha Fierce) was leaked in March 2008--the day after it was recorded and eight months prior to the album's release. It was the first time a Beyoncé single had been leaked.
• "Knowles took to her official website to comment: "Yesterday, 'Beautiful Nightmare' a demo I’ve been working on for possible inclusion on my next album, leaked on some websites. I want to thank all my fans for the positive response to the song, but I want to tell you that this is just a work in progress".[3]" too much information. Simply say: Beyoncé responded to the leak on her official website, saying, "I want to thank all my fans for the positive response to the song, but I want to tell you that this is just a work in progress."
• "Rico Love said to MTV News" -- clarify (in parenthesis) who Rico Love is.
• Love'a quote is entirely too long. It borders on copyright violation, and much of it is not relevant to the article. I would only include "I was more concerned that she would feel that we did it. A lot of times producers or songwriters leak records because they feel if you put the song out there it would go."
• "With the release of the album, the song's structure was altered, with the phrase "turn the lights on" repeated throughout the chorus, and a third refrain added after the climax, and the name was changed to its current title "Sweet Dreams".[2]" -- should be moved to the composition section. Also, it should read, "By the album's release, the song's structure had been altered: the phrase "turn the lights on" had been repeated throughout the chorus, a third refrain had been added after the climax, and the name had been changed to its current title, "Sweet Dreams".[2]"
• "This is the third such-titled song to reach the Top 10 of the Hot 100, following hits by Air Supply in 1982 and Eurythmics in 1983.[7] An unofficial remix featuring Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj leaked on some websites on March 9, 2010, and was included on Wayne's mixtape No Ceilings.[8][9]"-- should be moved to the end of the chart performance section
• Start a new paragraph at ""Broken-Hearted Girl" was initially earmarked..."

Critical reception

• The critical reception section does not read well, which is not surprising, since paragraphs with a lot of quotes are very difficult to make fluid. However here are some general suggestions to make it better: (1) someone should read it out loud and then modify any odd phrasing, redundant phrases or anything that doesn't sound fluid or grammatically sound; (2) shorten the reviews to only the most pertinent phrases that really sum up how the reviewer felt; sometimes only four or five (or less) from a quote is sufficient; (3) read the Critical reception section the Gwen Stefani song "Rich Girl". It is excellent and will give you an idea on how one should read.

Best wishes!--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 14:32, 16 July 2010 (UTC)

All done. Thsnk you for review it. Tbhotch^{Talk C.} 06:53, 17 July 2010 (UTC)