Wikipedia:Peer review/The Time of Our Lives (EP)/archive1

The Time of Our Lives (EP)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…

I believe it has the potential to be a GA article, with reliable sources, etc. Please help me review the article in order to achieve a GA status. Thanks, Ipodnano05 (talk) 02:27, 8 September 2009 (UTC)

The article looks pretty good so far. It's very well-referenced, but could use a real thorough copyediting job. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

Lead

• "in conjunction to" --> "in conjunction with"
• "the latter one who produced..." --> "the latter who produced"
• Cyrus's --> Cyrus' (keeps consistent w/other Miley pages)
• "marked 'change' for Cyrus." (How so?)
• "The Time of Our Lives reached the second position..." (I'd merge this sentence with the next paragraph)
• "including her controversial Teen Choice Awards one which sparked controversy due to what appeared to her pole dancing" --> "including one at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards which sparked controversy due to what appeared to critics to be Cyrus pole dancing"

Writing and development

• "After being featured several projects for the Hannah Montana franchise, thus including Hannah Montana: The Movie and Hannah Montana 3," (sounds awkward to me, maybe something like) --> "After recording (five? seven? ten?) albums for the Hannah Montana franchise,"
• "the youngest Jonas stated" (who's that? Nick?)
• "New producers include the men responsible for lead single and title track, Dr. Luke and Claude Kelly" --> "New producers include Dr. Luke and Claude Kelly, who worked with Cyrus on the lead single and title track."
• "meanwhile incorporating past ones" (such as? I'm assuming John Shanks, but I'd suggest) --> "Returning collaborators include Grammy-award winning producer John Shanks, who produced Cyrus' hit single 'The Climb' earlier in 2009.'"

Music structure and lyrics

• "Cyrus has stated in she enjoys songs by Spears in reality." (stated in what?)

Wal-Mart partnership

• "only via American stores from the company and its internet sites." --> "available in stores and at Walmart.com."
• "due to an error." (what was the error?)
• "for her and designer Max Azria's, of apparel house BCBGMAXAZRIAGROUP Inc., Miley Cyrus & Max Azria." (unsure what is trying to be said; also, BCBGMAXAZRIAGROUP Inc. links to disambiguation page)

Critical reception (expansion; any other reviews?)

• "though describing the ballads" --> "though he described the ballads"

Chart performance

• "Issue dated September 12," --> "For the week ending September 12, 2009,"
• "on the on chart selling 62,000 copies in a single week." --> "on the chart, selling 62,000 copies."
• "up 146%" --> "up 146 percent"

Singles

• "it was released early on July 29 for airplay." --> "it was released for airplay on July 29."
• "it also became her fifth U.S. airplay effort" --> "it also became her fifth single to reach the U.S. airplay chart" or --> "it also became her fifth single to reach the U.S. Pop Songs airplay chart"
• "With this position, Cyrus tied for highest debut of 2009." (which position? number two debut on the Hot 100?)

Promotion (appears to have several short (one or two sentence) paragraphs; I'd either combine some of the paragraphs or expand them)

References (Citation 37 goes to a dead link)

Those are some of the issues that caught my attention upon first glance. I hope this helps. Keep up the good work. Gongshow ^⊕ 09:42, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

 Done Thank you for all those extremely helpful comments, did almost all of them. Cyrus' is incorrect, it is not in plural (so those other pages would need to be changed). And the youngest Jonas is refereed to a such after his first name is mentioned. THANK YOU FOR HELPING WITH THE PAGE!!! -- Ipodnano05 (talk) 22:14, 11 September 2009 (UTC)