Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 February 15

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User:Franktheatheist/The Atheist Experience[edit]

Hi, I'm just looking for general comments. Thank you, Frank


Franktheatheist (talk) 03:29, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Some notes on the referencing and sources in your article:
  • Sites like uStream and YouTube cannot be used as references as they are not considered reliable enough. Please remove those references.
  • I also think the article would benefit with the addition of more third-party sources; i.e. websites that are independent of the article's subject. These are considered more suitable for a Wikipedia article.

Best of luck! Chevymontecarlo 17:15, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Mcapl/Moresby_Treaty[edit]

Hi, this is my first Wikipedia article and I would really appreciate some feedback. Thank you!


Mcapl (talk) 04:26, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

I think you should consider adding sections and maybe some web-based references to your article in order to, overall, improve the reliability of your sources. Chevymontecarlo 17:20, 15 February 2011 (UTC)
I liked it. I think your references are good, although of course if you can find web references, it makes it that much more useful in the sense of adding to the web of knowledge. I see what Chevy is getting at with the sections comment. A little bit more breakup in the text would make it more inviting to read. Maybe a subhead for the revision of 1839 would do. Is "resigned" the right way to say this? Or would "re-signed" be better. Just a thought. I may be wrong, but I think the references are supposed to be after the punctuation marks (picky point). Good contribution. Tkotc (talk) 18:20, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Australian_Fossil_and_Mineral_Museum[edit]

Hi, This is my first contribution and i am seeking feedback please Thanks, Jeff

Geez-oz (talk) 05:03, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

I changed some of your references, adding to the citation templates you so helpfully started. I also repositioned the notes to the end of clauses or sentences, outside the punctuation marks, because this is where they conventionally go. Make sure you don't have objections to where they ended up. Change them if you like.
Since you have cited both the museum's web page and the Herald item within your article, you probably shouldn't have those in External links. I took one out, but left another in, to show you how to make such links a little more informative.
You don't have an authority cited for the last paragraph. Can you add a footnote?
The Bones of Contention article was a good authority. Can you find one more non-museum sourced article like that? I wouldn't say it's entirely necessary if you cannot locate one, but two good external articles would be nice to nail down the notability issue (which, though it seems pretty obvious, can never have too much support). Nice article! Tkotc (talk) 00:25, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

Rogelio Mills[edit]

Please review this article on TV personality Roleglio Mills and provide me feedback so that it can get out of "unreviewed status"

Iam7 (talk) 05:25, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Romkeh/WM Hunt[edit]

This is my first page from scratch. Looking for some guidance, perhaps on headers. Does everything look ok?


Romkeh (talk) 06:18, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Avoid using "Notable" in a header; it's not neutral.
There's some unreferenced facts; I'm particularly bothered by info on an "upcoming book" - unless there is some reliable source discussing the book, like a newspaper, then that needs removing.
Other claims needing refs include "served on the Board of Directors of AIPAD" and "past Chairman of Photographers + Friends United Against AIDS" - can you cite somewhere that can be checked?
"debuted and represented artists including" - needs references
"as well as countless others" - remove that; not neutral. WP:PEACOCK
It's pretty good though, mostly. It could be made live.  Chzz  ►  16:21, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Amk791/Alex Merivale Healthcare Solutions[edit]

The article has been written and ready for publishing

Amk791 (talk) 08:59, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Because it has no references to independent, reliable sources, it would probably be speedy-deleted as an 'advert'. Please see WP:VRS, WP:CORP, and the business FAQ.  Chzz  ►  16:24, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Ussa.shini/US Security Associates[edit]

My first article called US Security Associates got deleted. can i know the reason behind that? now i created the article under the user profile? how to move this article to public? At what time i can move my article for public ?

Ussa.shini (talk) 09:20, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

It would need references to "reliable sources", such as newspapers or books. Please see WP:VRS, WP:FIRST, and WP:REFB.  Chzz  ►  16:51, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

[Databazaar Media Ventures][edit]

Raydev (talk) 09:22, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

That article was misplaced, in "Wikipedia talk:Databazaar media Ventures". I have moved it to your own userspace area, where you can work on it: User:Raydev/Databazaar media Ventures.
Articles need references to independent, reliable sources - see WP:VRS and WP:FIRST. Cheers,  Chzz  ►  16:56, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

I will copy this to the user talk, as well.  Chzz  ►  16:56, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarah_Mehta_ka_Ultah_chashma[edit]

No1shah (talk) 09:36, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

The article has been deleted. – Novice7 (talk) 09:59, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

OFIS Architects[edit]

Emd001 (talk) 11:30, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Broadcast Journalism Training Council[edit]

Please review this brief outline of this accrediting body.


Amybinns (talk) 13:23, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

The article needs work, I'll point out some of the things I noticed:
  • The lead needs expansion. See WP:LEAD.
  • It reads like an advert. Change it. See WP:ADVERT.
  • The references should be properly formatted using {{cite web}} or {{cite news}} template.
  • Could you expand the whole article a bit more? Also, provide more references. – Novice7 (talk) 10:03, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

Hi Novice7 I can expand the lead a bit but is there something specific that makes it read like an advert? I'm not connected with this organisation and didn't intend this.

I've now expanded the lead and added date accessed to the {{cite web}} references.

User:FosterSwift/Foster_Swift[edit]

I would like to add pictures, but I can't seem to figure out how.

Would like feedback on my references.

FosterSwift (talk) 15:25, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

This is a flower.
Before worrying about pictures, you'd need to add references to show where the facts could be checked - in independent reliable sources - see WP:VRS. You haven't demonstrated why the company is notable - see also WP:CORP.
If you overcome that, then...adding pictures is very easy; for example [[File:Begonia_×_tuberhybrida_by_David_Besa.jpg|thumb|This is a flower.]] (shown here).
Actually finding pictures that we can use - with valid permission for them - is more tricky. See Wikipedia:Finding images tutorial. We cannot use any copyright-protected images, except in very special cases.
If the article were made live, then it would be possible to add a logo under the terms of "fair use of non-free images" - but, that only applies to live articles.  Chzz  ►  16:29, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Kay Mills, writer[edit]

Would appreciate someone taking a look at this. I incorporated previous feedback in this version; I'd like to get it live.

Tryout22 (talk) 16:01, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

I'm concerned that there are still lots of unreferenced claims - therefore, I can't check facts such as;
  • "received the Christopher Award in 1993"
  • "and the Julia Spruill Book Prize"
  • "born in Washington D.C."
  • "recalled that although she was shy as a child," (and rest of this sentence. Looks like WP:OR?)
  • "graduated from Pennsylvania State"
  • "master's degree in African history from Northwestern"

...and so on.

Also, all direct quotations must have a reference - e.g. Parade magazine called it "a seminal new book on women in journalism." - we need to know which issue, date, author, title, etc. -Same for all quotes, another being Heilbrun said "Reading 'A Place in the News' was like seeing my life as a professional woman pass before my eyes."
Any information lacking a reference may be removed, by any editor (WP:V, a core policy).
If the article goes live, and other editors amend the unreferenced facts, we won't be able to tell which is correct.
I'm particularly concerned about died at age 69 after a sudden heart attack in Santa Monica - a claim like this absolutely must have a reliable source; I'm sure you can appreciate why. Chzz  ►  16:37, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for your feedback, but I believe all those questions are indeed cited in the references -- e.g., the Los Angeles Times obit, the author's own website, etc., all cited at the bottom of the article.

User:Bobble2005/Art Investment Funds[edit]

I Have just started my first article and before getting too far down the road wondered if anyone could take a look at it to confirm if the subject is worthy of inclusion. Am still in the process of writing, referenceing etc.

Thanks Bobble2005 (talk) 16:08, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Currently, no, it doesn't meet the notability requirement - see WP:VRS and WP:CORP.
All facts need references to reliable sources.  Chzz  ►  16:39, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Emilytsp/Vanessa roth[edit]

Hoping to get feedback on how to properly expand this article.

Emilytsp (talk) 17:09, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Captain Canada (comics)[edit]

This is a page about the comic book character Captain Canada. There is no page on Captain Canada or the Atlantis comic book series. There are links to different websites about him and links to the websites of the companies that own him.

Mikeseriously (talk) 18:19, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

user:stuartembury biography of Luigi Lucioni[edit]

Is this article acceptable? If so what do I do next? thanks


Stuartembury (talk) 18:59, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:OlafASU/Enter_your_new_article_name_here[edit]

OlafASU (talk) 19:47, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

Your article is interesting and seems complete enough -- a very good start -- but you will need to add inline references to the source(s) of your information. To get some ideas about how to do this, see Wikipedia:Citing sources and Wikipedia:Citation templates. I dug into the Kantorei web site to find some authority that your subject was the founder and then made a citation to that effect as an example for you. You have attempted to put some references in the article that should be mere Wikilinks, e.g. Christiansen, St Olaf Choir. I fixed some of these to show you how to mark a Wikilink. In general, if the word or phrase has a Wikipedia article dealing with it, don't link to a URL in the body of the article. You could possibly add the URL as an External link if viewing that link would add to a reader's understanding of your subject. His written works should be in a separate subsection titled "Works" in a list. After dealing with these referencing issues, I would suggest you make another Request for feedback so more people can review the draft. Minor issues, but just to tip you off. Always refer to your subject by his surname in the article body. Remove "peacock terms" such as "renowned". I fixed these, but FYI ... Tkotc (talk) 22:32, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

User:FosterSwift/Foster Swift[edit]

How does the article look now? Thanks for the feedback.


FosterSwift (talk) 19:50, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

I've left a note on your talk page. SmartSE (talk) 14:09, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Davidstreever/Matthew_Feiner[edit]

Hello,

I initiated a request for feedback the other day, and was told to add additional sources, which I have done. (I now have 5 sources, including a national distribution magazine and a nationally recognized news source from our area--the Independent).

If anyone would like to let me know if this article is ready for publication, or what other steps I must take, I would really appreciate it. My thanks.

Davidstreever (talk) 20:01, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

TAM Card[edit]

Would appreciate any feedback on this article, specifically with regard to citations. I'm having issues with formatting on citations.


Ericatoms (talk) 20:22, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

I fixed two items for you so you can see how to make it work. Essentially if you leave a space between the URL and some phrase (e.g. [http://some.url.com Here's my description.], the system will display your description. Does this help? Please post this article again when you are done with the referencing (should take you ten mins) and ask for notability etc. opinions. Tkotc (talk) 00:43, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Timothysmardin/ivi, Inc.[edit]

Please review this posting, as this is my first posting, on a company I found quite interesting.

I want to add more to it, like the FCC regulations, the Copyright Law, and how this is turning into quite a heated area for governmental intervention. But I wanted to see if I am on the right track first before volunteering more time.


Timothysmardin (talk) 21:01, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

See note on your talk page. Tkotc (talk) 00:52, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Didski/YachtWorld[edit]

How can I add the resource: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/2782339/Ahoy-me-hearties-Nows-a-good-time-to-push-the-boat-out.html to the Wiki page and should it be used?

The company also has Trademarks, both figurative and word. Is this useful relevant information?

This is my first page, any help is greatly appreciated. Didski (talk) 22:04, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

By all means add it. The article doesn't come right out and say "this is a great place to buy your next yacht", but it seems to have implicitly vouched for it. I reformatted your two references. In the future, refer to Wikipedia:Citing sources and Wikipedia:Citation templates for ideas on how to do this.
The trademark information may have some bearing on the article. Keep it handy.
Your biggest problem is going to be to establish notability. I don't think you have posted enough yet in your article to do this. Look at WP:COMPANY and especially look under the subheading "Primary criteria". That should give you an idea of what you need to look for. Tkotc (talk) 23:43, 15 February 2011 (UTC)