Wikipedia:Still more Best of BJAODN

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This is a collection of the best jokes and nonsense from Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense. The criterion for a joke getting on this page is simple: at least one Wikipedian actually found it good.

Bot got drunk?[edit]

diff

Hostess Brands[edit]

However, the real reason for the company shut down was later revealed. December 21, 2012. It has been said that the Twinkie could survive a nuclear holocaust. The CEO of Hostess, knowing that the end of the world was nearing, realized that he held the key to his own survival. He then shut down the factory and kept all the Twinkies for himself. After realizing that doomsday will not be coming soon, he opened up the Hostess to make more money to invest in his doomsday bunker. (Citation needed)

Cold War Classic[edit]

The Cold War Classic was a baseball game played in February 1974 between leaders of NATO and leaders of the Soviet Bloc as part of detente. It was held in Zagreb, Yugoslavia.


Background and conditions[edit]

The idea for the Classic was brought up in a private conversation between American Secretary of State Henry Kissinger and Soviet Foreign Minister Andrei Gromyko and then strongly endorsed by their respective bosses: Richard Nixon because he believed that the West would easily win such a game, and Leonid Brezhnev because he was widely believed to be drunk at the time.[1]

The disparity in baseball experience between the West and the East was a potential problem that both sides attempted to correct for. Zagreb was chosen not only because, under the leadership of Josip Broz Tito it was considered neutral territory in the Cold War, but also for its proximity to the Soviet Bloc, minimizing the travel weariness of the Communist team. The Soviet Bloc was also allowed to play as the "home team" (batting in the bottom of the inning). Additionally, Cincinnati Reds second baseman Joe Morgan was allowed to play for East Germany, giving the Soviet Bloc the only professional player in the game.

Participation[edit]

Of the European Communist states other than Yugoslavia, only Romania and Albania declined to participate, due to Nicolae Ceauşescu and Enver Hoxha drifting out of the Soviet Bloc to pursue more nationalistic policies. The People's Republic of China, North Vietnam, and North Korea, not being part of the traditional Soviet Bloc, were not invited, nor did they show any interest in attending. Cuba, however, having a strong baseball tradition, was very eager to participate, especially as Fidel Castro had significant experience playing baseball.

On the NATO side, many NATO nations declined to participate. Canada refused due to personal issues between Richard Nixon and Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. France declined in order to point out that it was not a full NATO member (having withdrawn from the military structure). Italian Prime Minister Mariano Rumor was very eager to participate, but suffered a knee injury shortly before the game, forcing him to be replaced. NATO was left with a rump of American and British cabinet members, as well as a few heads of government from conservative European nations.

Lineups[edit]

Soviet Bloc Lineup [2]

The Soviet Bloc team was managed by Leonid Brezhnev, who did not play.

Position Name Country
SS Edward Gierek Poland
RF János Kádár Hungary
3B Andrei Gromyko USSR
2B Joe Morgan East Germany
1B Erich Honecker East Germany
LF Alexey Kosygin USSR
C Todor Zhivkov Bulgaria
CF Gustáv Husák Czechoslovakia
P Fidel Castro Cuba
NATO Manager Richard Nixon

NATO Lineup[3]

The NATO team was managed by Richard Nixon, who, like his counterpart Brezhnev, did not play.

Position Name Country
RF Poul Hartling Denmark
CF Anthony Barber United Kingdom
SS James Schlesinger USA
1B Gerald Ford USA
C Henry Kissinger USA
2B Willy Brandt West Germany
3B Edward Heath United Kingdom
LF Dimitrios Ioannides Greece
P Alexander Haig USA

Play-by-Play[edit]

US Secretary of Defense James Schlesinger, NATO's shortstop.

First Inning
Top:
P. Hartling grounds out to second
A. Barber grounds out to second
J. Schlesinger doubles to deep left
G. Ford hits home run to deep left, J. Schlesinger scores
H. Kissinger strikes out swinging

Bottom:
E. Gierek safe at first on fielding error by J. Schlesinger
J. Kadar safe at first on fielding error by W. Brandt, E. Gierek to second
A. Gromyko strikes out swinging
J. Morgan hits home run to deep center, E. Gierek and J. Kadar score
E. Honecker pops up to shortstop
A. Kosygin grounds out to shortstop

Score: NATO 2, Soviet Bloc 3

Second Inning
Top:
W. Brandt safe at first on fielding error by E. Gierek
E. Heath lines out to shortstop
D. Ioannides singles to right field. D. Ioannides advances to second and W. Brandt advances to third on fielding error by J. Kadar
A. Haig safe at first on fielding error by E. Gierek, W. Brandt scores, D. Ioannides to third
P. Hartling strikes out swinging

Bottom:
T. Zhivkov pops up to second
G. Husak grounds out to pitcher
F. Castro doubles to deep left
E. Gierek lines out to shortstop

Score: NATO 3, Soviet Bloc 3

Third Inning
Top:
A. Barber singles to center
J. Schlesinger singles to left, A. Barber to second
G. Ford doubles to deep right, J. Schlesinger and A. Barber score
H. Kissinger singles to left, G. Ford scores
W. Brandt strikes out swinging
E. Heath strikes out swinging

Polish dictator Edward Gierek scored the first Soviet Bloc run after reaching base on an error.

With D. Ioannides batting, H. Kissinger picked off at first

Bottom:
J. Kadar grounds out to shortstop
A. Gromyko lines out to third
J. Morgan hits home run to deep center
E. Honecker singles to center. E. Honecker advances to second on fielding error by A. Barber
A. Kosygin walks
T. Zhivkov flies out to center

Score: NATO 6, Soviet Bloc 4

Forth Inning
Top:
D. Ioannides grounds out to second
A. Haig singles to left
P. Hartling grounds into 4-3 double play

Bottom:
G. Husak lines out to first
F. Castro singles to center
E. Gierek strikes out swinging
J. Kadar pops out to pitcher

Score: NATO 6, Soviet Bloc 4

Fifth Inning
Top:
A. Barber grounds out to second
J. Schlesinger singles to center
G. Ford intentionally walked
H. Kissinger safe at first on fielding error by E. Gierek
W. Brant flies out to left, J. Schlesinger scores
E. Heath grounds out to pitcher
Bottom:
A. Gromyko lines out to shortstop
J. Morgan intentionally walked
With E. Honecker batting, J. Morgan steals second
With E. Honecker batting, J. Morgan steals third. J. Morgan scores on fielding error by E. Heath
E. Honecker strikes out swinging
A. Kosygin grounds out to pitcher

Score: NATO 7, Soviet Bloc 5

Sixth Inning
Top:
D. Ioannides grounds out to first
A. Haig pops up to second
P. Hartling grounds out to pitcher

Bottom:
T. Zhivkov hits infield single to third
G. Husak grounds out to pitcher, T. Zhivkov to second
F. Castro doubles to left, T. Zhivkov scores
E. Gierek safe at first on fielding error by E. Heath
J. Kadar walks, F. Castro to third, E. Gierek to second
A. Gromyko strikes out swinging

Score: NATO 7, Soviet Bloc 6

Seventh Inning
Top:
A. Barber singles to left
J. Schlesinger singles to center, A. Barber to second
G. Ford doubles to deep left, A. Barber scores, J. Schlesinger to third
H. Kissinger singles to left, J. Schlesinger and G. Ford score
W. Brant grounds into 4-3 double play
E. Heath grounds out to pitcher

Bottom:
J. Morgan hits home run to deep left
E. Honecker grounds out to shortstop
A. Kosygin pops up to third
T. Zhivkov flies out to center

Score: NATO 10, Soviet Bloc 7

Eight Inning
Top:
D. Ioannides grounds out to shortstop
A. Haig grounds out to first
P. Hartling grounds out to second

Soviet Premier Alexey Kosygin scored the tying run in the bottom of the 9th.

Bottom:
G. Husak hits infield single to pitcher
F. Castro singles to center, G. Husak to second
E. Gierek grounds into 6-4-3 double play, G. Husak to third
J. Kadar strikes out swinging

Score: NATO 10, Soviet Bloc 7

Ninth Inning
Top:
A. Barber singles to left
J. Schlesinger grounds into 4-3 double play
G. Ford doubles to deep center
H. Kissinger lines out to second

Bottom:
A. Gromyko strikes out swinging
J. Morgan intentionally walked
E. Honecker singles to left, J. Morgan to third
A. Kosygin safe at first on fielding error by A. Haig, E. Honecker to second
T. Zhivkov pops up to shortstop
G. Husak hits inside-the-park grand slam to right, J. Morgan, E. Honecker, and A. Kosygin score

Final Score: NATO 10, Soviet Bloc 11

Box Score[edit]

Team 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 H R E
NATO 2 1 3 0 1 0 3 0 0 15 10 5
Bloc 3 0 1 0 1 1 1 0 4 10 11 4

WP: F. Castro
LP: A. Haig
HR: J. Morgan (3), G. Ford (1), G. Husak (1)
SB: J. Morgan (2)

Consequences[edit]

Czechoslovakian dictator Gustáv Husák, the game M.V.P.

NATO's 9th inning meltdown caused a stir on both sides of the Iron Curtain. In the West, many were outraged by Gustáv Husák's hard slide into home plate, which dislodged the ball from Henry Kissinger's glove and allowed the winning run to score. American commentators said that such play was unacceptable in an exhibition game.[4] In the East, Husak was seen as a hero, and his inside-the-park grand slam was hailed as the "Most Clutch Moment in Czeckoslovakian History".[5] As for the hard slide, Husak stated that "My father instructed me to always play in the correct fashion, and not in any other."[6]

A notable number of NATO participants in the game lost power later in 1974, including Hartling, Heath (and therefore also Chancellor of the Exchequer Barber), and Brandt in elections, Ioannides in a coup, and Richard Nixon due to resignation over the Watergate Scandal. This has led some to speculate that there exists a "Cold War Classic Curse" on the losers;[7] adherents of this theory also point to the subsequent unsuccessful Presidency of NATO first baseman Gerald Ford.[8] On the other hand, most of the Soviet Bloc participants stayed in power for at least another decade (Fidel Castro remains in power as of 2007), and Joe Morgan continued to be a popular and successful player in the major leagues and later a broadcaster and announcer for ESPN. Others claim that the eventual triumph of capitalism over communism is inconsistent with a curse.[9]

In the East, the victory was generally viewed as proof of the superiority of the socialist system to the capitalist one. Leonid Brezhnev awarded copious amounts of medals to all participants, even those who had not particularly distinguished themselves (such as Andrei Gromyko). In the West, the loss was generally viewed as a failure on the part of individual western leaders, rather than on the part of the free-enterprize system. Some, citing the significant defensive and offensive contributions to the Soviet side by their second baseman, actually viewed the outcome as a victory for the West, since the Soviet Union showed that it was extremely dependent on Western imports (in this case, Joe Morgan).

References[edit]

  1. ^ Gaddis, John Lewis. We Now Know: Rethinking Cold War History. Oxford University Press, 1997. ISBN 0-19-878070-2. Pg 229.
  2. ^ Gaddis, John Lewis. Private correspondence with the author.
  3. ^ Gaddis, John Lewis. Private correspondence with the author.
  4. ^ Major Problems in American Sport History. ed. Steven A. Riess. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company. 1997. ISBN 0-669-35380-9. Pg 385
  5. ^ Gaddis, John Lewis. We Now Know. Pg 234
  6. ^ Ibid.
  7. ^ Gorn, Elliot J. and Warren Goldstein. A Brief History of American Sports. University of Illinois Press, 1993. ISBN 978-0-252-07184-3. Pg 249
  8. ^ Elliot, Brief History, Pg 250.
  9. ^ ibid.

Measurement of Caniality[edit]

According to contemporary scientific theory regarding comparative velocity measurement, all moving objects can be classified into two distinct categories vis-a-vis their velocity potential relative to that of a dog '(Canis lupus familiaris)'. The categories comprise overcaniality (potential for velocities above the maximum possible velocity of a dog) and undercaniality (lacking of the potential for velocities above the maximum possible velocity of a dog).

Studies published in peer-reviewed journals have so far identified the following list of objects that can incontrovertibly be described to achieve overcaniality:

  • Cars
  • Dogs riding in cars
  • Race cars
  • Nuclear Missile
  • Dog on a Nuclear Missile
  • Usaine Bolt

Controversy[edit]

One common argument against the current scientific consensus on overcaniality opines that there are numerous objects (i.e. airplanes, satellites, Oort cloud objects) that travel at or above the maximum possible velocity of a dog. However, this argument has been largely refuted in that velocity measurements of such objects did not take into account contributing factors such as orbital parallax or string theory. The short-lived Internet meme surrounding the catchphrase Nothing Is Faster Than A Dog contrabulated this scientific principle, and spawned a number of counter-arguments that questioned the very nature of overcaniality and undercaniality in the context of general relativity.

Flammable monkeys[edit]

Monkeys can be flammable.

Introduction

This article uses very simple words so even the less intelligent people will understand that monkeys are flammable.

What are Flammable Monkeys

Monkeys are very flammable. Monkeys can be even more flammable when they are doused in gasoline. In order to light a monkey on fire, all you require is some sort of lighting mechanism such as a lighter, a match, a flamethrower, or a nuclear missile. A nuclear missile might perhaps be a considered a little overboard, but more than two Scientists agree it would classify as the monkeys being lit on fire until they no longer exist.

The flammability of Monkeys is something science is starting to touch upon. This is a field eager young scientists should get into, because it is going to become the greatest thing since Cooked Bread.

A Very Funny Quote

"Monkeys in my Pants: Like the Internet, but flammable".

FAQ

Q: What do flammable monkeys taste like?
A: Chicken
Q: Why are monkeys flammable?
A: They are organic.
Q: What is the purpose of flammable monkeys?
A: They are the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Non-Flammable Monkeys

There are no non-flammable monkeys. All monkeys are flammable in some way shape or form. If you cannot get a monkey on fire, you are not trying hard enough.

Disclaimer

You should never light a monkey on fire. You may be jailed. It is illegal. Do not do it. Ever.

McGriddle Consumption[edit]

I reverted this wonderful little joke at Granville Township, Mifflin County, Pennsylvania. This is especially funny to me since my best friend is from the area and when these breakfast treats first came out his Dad couldn't stop talking about how good they are.

In the township the population was spread out with 22.4% under the age of 18, 6.2% from 18 to 24, 27.9% from 25 to 44, 27.8% from 45 to 64, and 15.6% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 41 years. For every 100 females there were 99.2 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 97.9 males. Median McGriddle consumption per family was an average of 48.2 a year. Dincher 15:59, 26 May 2007 (UTC)

The ultimate test edit[edit]

See here

From sudo[edit]

Microsoft Corporation has filed for a patent concerning sudo.[5] Microsoft can politely get lost.

From Armageddon[edit]

It was last week. You missed it.

From Mr. Bean[edit]

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFfffffffffffffffff

From Marine Corps Martial Arts Program[edit]

Black Belt 2nd Degree[edit]

  • rifle vs. rifle
  • short weapon vs. rifle
  • unarmed vs. rifle
  • unarmed vs. low orbit ion cannon

WLAN Cable[edit]

A WLAN cable consists of 78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 0.93% argon, 0.038% carbon dioxide, and small amounts of other gases.

Creative, aren't they?[edit]

[1]

From Intolerable Acts[edit]

"The war had plunged the British government deep into debt, and so the British Parliament enacted a series of measures to increase tax revenue from the colonies and used the money to buy a Mr. Potato Head for all of the ranking officers."

(View diff)

Homeopathy – selling “dehydrated water”[edit]

From the homeopathy article lede paragraph -

Homeopathy (also spelled homoeopathy[1] or homœopathy) is a form of alternative medicine in which practitioners treat patients using highly diluted[2][3] preparations that are believed to cause healthy people to exhibit symptoms that are similar to those exhibited by the patient. The collective weight of scientific evidence has found homeopathy to be no more effective than placebo.[2][3][4][5][6] The basic principle known as the law of similars is "let like be cured by like". It was first stated by German physician Samuel Hahnemann in 1796. Principles of homeopathy are taken on his word and are not based on the scientific method. Homeopathic “remedies” are prepared by serial dilution with shaking by forceful striking on an elastic body, which homeopaths term succussion. Each dilution followed by succussion is assumed to this increases the effectiveness. Homeopaths call this process potentization. Dilution often continues until none of the original substance remains.[7] Apart from the symptoms, homeopaths examine aspects of the patient's physical and psychological state[8], then homeopathic reference books known as repertories are consulted, and a “remedy” is selected based on the totality of symptoms.

This was voted to be deleted out of the article lede (although everyone agreed it was true) -

Hahnneman recommended dilution to 1 part in 1060 (1 part in a trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion), so no molecule of the original substance would remain, but Hahnemann made his proposal before it was proved in chemistry that molecules exist.

There are only about 1052 atoms in entire galaxy! And it takes more than one atom to make a complex molecule like homeopaths use, as "remedies” are made from organic "natural" substances. And the Plank length (about 10-20 of the diameter of a proton) is “only” 10−35 meters.

So homeopathic pills are made from "remedies" that are so dilute that the molecules diluted out and only pure water remains, which is then dropped on sugar pills, which are then dried out, and sold.

Dehydrated Water” was deleted from the article body.


Comments gleaned from talk page discussion of homeopathy[edit]

Hahnemann was CORRECT about dilution of similars (as long as there are still enough pharmacologically active molecules) in that “the more a remedy is diluted, the more positive will be the effect of the remedy”. Here is a proof.

  • (1) A similar produces similar effects to an illness, so is harmful.
  • (2) Harmful means it has a negative effect.
  • (3) Diluting it once into a remedy it makes it less harmful, i.e., less negative effect.
  • (4) Diluting this remedy once again makes it even less harmful.
  • (5) Each dilution of a remedy makes it less harmful, i.e., less negative, until there are no longer any harmful pharmacologically active molecules, whence it stops becoming less negative.
  • (6) Less negative means more positive.
  • (7) Therefore, as long as there are enough pharmacologically active molecules, each dilution makes the effect of the remedy more positive than before. So potentization of similars has a grain of truth. Surprise! QED. HkFnsNGA (talk) 00:33, 26 January 2011 (UTC)
Actually - paraphrasing - even if the above qualifies as original research - there might be a scientific basis or it might be just speculations. Were you thinking of this maybe?--George1918 (talk) 02:40, 26 January 2011 (UTC)
I think it was just a light-hearted joke. --Cyclopiatalk 09:56, 26 January 2011 (UTC)


Newton or Leibnitz would have recognized the error, it's basic calculus

Limn->inf (-(1/x)n) = 0 for x>1[citation needed] LeadSongDog come howl! 16:47, 26 January 2011 (UTC)

Most concise defintition of homeopathy that is logically possible -

LOL. LeadSongDog, your formula could serve as the most concise defintition of homeopathy that is logically possible! HkFnsNGA (talk) 21:36, 26 January 2011 (UTC)


Is the logic somewhat similar (or inverted?) to the fact that winning the lottery is nearly impossible, with the percentage chance of winning nearly the same as the percentage chance if one doesn't buy the Lottery ticket in the first place, but the chance of winning really IS zero if one doesn't buy that ticket? Face-wink.svg -- Brangifer (talk) 20:47, 26 January 2011 (UTC)

Repertory addition -

Brangifer, please define "inverted logic". I will gladly take your definition and add it to my "repertory" of argumentation style.
Yes, Brangifer, it is similar. The chance of NOT losing is zero if you don't play, and approaches zero with each additional lottery player if you play. This is getting confusing. HkFnsNGA (talk) 21:51, 26 January 2011 (UTC)


Dehydrated water

This seems like the best section to put a drop of "dehydrated water" from homeopathic pills section.


('One verbose scumbag editor, who can clearly be assumed not to be editing in good faith, left the following rambling mass on the homeopathy talk page) -

“* I came to this article because my photographer friend bought some homeopathic pills, and they were not in the article as remedies, so I put the pills in the remedies section. I also put a source that the pills started off as lactose, which was not in the article, but someone deleted my "dehydrated water".

  • I forgot to add water to the homeopathic placebo WP:Use plain English definition, as can be seen here[2].
  • I added dehydrated water to the homeopathic pill section here[], but without RS. I hope the "dehydrated water" does not have a measurable negative effect on any editors, and get deleted again. After all, there is no rule that there cannot be a molecule of INFORMATIVE humor. Even the Christian Bible has humor in it, according to a pastor of a giant Korean church in LA, or at least he told me there was when I asked. I asked him to find it and I would be back the next Sunday, but he could not, and asked me to come back, three times, but he still couldn't find the humor in his Bible. (The third Sunday was Christmas, and they had me be their Santa Claus because I am “white”. I am actually part Native American, and other of my ancestors are from North East Africa, but when I told them this after the Christmas festivities, I explained that Santa was Native American, too, since the north polar cap is "in" North America? Homeopathic pills, which have the active ingredient of water with the water removed, is much like a polar cap with the ice removed. When the ice melts from nonexistent global warming, where will Santa live, on a homeopathic pill with memory?) If dehydrated water is removed from this article, which will make a positive LESS than nothing, that will be consistent with the “less positive” results shown in systematic reviews, referred to in the lead, but not yet changed to intelligability. The current lead says that it is nonnegative "less positive" than zero effect. If this “nothing” (dehydrated water) is “removed”, there will be as much Humor in the homeopathy article as in the Christian Bible, or as much as in a human body being treated with western medicine in the time of Hahnemann. Another editor deleted the dehydrated water I put in the homeopathic pill section. I don’t know how to search old versions of articles. Can anyone help me with how to do a search of all old article versions so I can find my deleted dehydrated water source? Seriously. – Huck Finn’s Nigger, aka HkFnsNGA (If deleting my dehydrated water was not bad enough, now they are trying to delete me! here[3]) HkFnsNGA (talk) 06:36, 21 January 2011 (UTC)
Summarizing the above, I have shown that –
  • I put the sugar pills in homeopathy remedies.
  • I put the sugar in homeopathy pills.
  • In the Lead, I put the water back in the homeopathic placebo, so it works.
  • In the Lead, “higher quality trials tend to report results that are less positive”, “Homeopathic ‘remedies’ are safe at high dilutions recommended by Hahnemann” so they are non-negative, there are zero molecules, therefore, we have less positive than zero non-negative.
  • Similarly, if deleting my "dehydrated water" was not intentended to be negative, deleting “dehydrated water” leaves less than zero that is non-negative.
  • Deleting “dehydrated water” leaves as much Humor in the article, as in a bled out body after 1796 traditional western medicine, which is less effective than Hahneman’s hygienic hospitals.
  • If global warming causes the north polar ice cap to melt, then Santa’s home will be nothing more than “a memory in the water”, proving there CAN be a “memory” in the water, unless you don’t believe in global warming.
  • Due to the deletion by another editor, I no longer have a dehydrated water source, unless someone here helps me find it.
  • Someone is now trying to delete me here[4] (I wonder why?). HkFnsNGA (talk) 08:48, 21 January 2011 (UTC)”

WP:Revert, Elegance and diareha[edit]

(From a discussion regarding a revert) -

Your tendency to be insightful but wordy is likely going to be a problem around here…. Ocaasi (talk) 20:59, 25 January 2011 (UTC)

As to being "wordy", I am a mathematician who used to worship at the Temple of Elegance, but that goddess rejected me, so now I drink from these mugs here[5]. HkFnsNGA (talk) 21:15, 25 January 2011 (UTC)”

Natiopolian[edit]

(From a hoax article)

The Natiopolian are an ancient group of native Americans that live on the U.S. coast between Florida and North Carolina (556 B.C.-present). Their numbers were once up to 10,000 but with modernization in recent decades, the numbers have dwindled to about a little over 100 (those who still chose to live in the old ways instead of within the walls of civilization). They had major advancements in stone technology and developed great relationships with the surrounding tribes including the English settlers, although they tended to keep a distance from them.

Anus language[edit]

There is actually an Austronesian dialect known as Anus Language, and the funny thing, it should not be confused with Anal language. Eduemoni↑talk↓ 03:06, 26 March 2011 (UTC)

Action Ambulance[edit]

Action Ambulance Service, Inc.
Private
Industry Ambulance service
Founded Melrose, Massachusetts, 1977
Headquarters Wilmington, Massachusetts, U.S.
Area served
Greater Boston, Massachusetts
Key people
David Portman (President)
Michael Woronka (CEO)
Website http://www.actionambulance.com

Action Ambulance Service, Inc., based in Wilmington, Massachusetts, and provides ambulance services for emergencies and patient transfers. They provide emergency and non-emergency pre-hospital medical care and transportation to ill or injured individuals. Action is currently contracted to serve as the emergency medical services provider for various communities north of Boston through 2008.[1] Action was recently awarded the silver award from Mass Excellence with little fanfare and is now 1 of only 2 ambulance companies in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to be CAAS accredited. In the spring of 2010, Action Ambulance was awarded its second silver award from Mass Excellence.[who?]

Action Ambulance equips their ambulances with GPS technology to locate the closest, most appropriate ambulance to respond to an emergency. No other ambulance company in the state of Massachusetts uses GPS technology as of 1998. The GPS is also used to assist Action's collaborations with Boston MedFlight.[2]

Emergency coverage[edit]

Action Ambulance is available to over a million residents of Boston’s north suburbs, covering 112 square miles (290 km2) and respond to over 35,000 calls a year. Action Ambulance provides emergency and non-emergency coverage for the communities of Ipswich, Beverly, Peabody, Swampscott, Lynn, Salem, Nahant, Lynnfield, Wakefield, Melrose, Stoneham, Winchester, Woburn, Lexington, Wilmington, Reading and North Reading. Action Ambulance has fourteen state-of-the-art base locations, with its headquarters being based in Wilmington. All Actions bases have two armed guards with backgrounds in special forces and can withstand numerous close range air-to-surface missile strikes.

Advanced Life Support Ambulance Transportation[edit]

Ambulances are often staffed with Massachusetts Certified Paramedics. Paramedics are the highest trained pre-hospital care providers. All of Actions EMT-Ps undergo a rigerous three-month training period that is modeled after the Navy Seal training program. Paramedics are trained in advanced airway management, IV therapy, free-solo mountain climbing, EKG and 12 lead monitoring, Advanced Cardiac Life Support (ACLS), slam-dunk competitions, Pediatric Advanced Life Support (PALS), cardiac defibrillation and pacing, medication administration and monitoring, etc. Paramedics provide emergency coverage to communities, international terrorism, inter-facility transfers, international terrorism, and nursing home emergencies.

Basic Life Support Ambulance Transportation[edit]

Ambulances are staffed with two Massachusetts certified Emergency Medical Technicians (EMTs). BLS units provide emergency response with paramedic back up and intercept, non-invasive inter-facility transports. BLS personal are trained in basic airway management, bleeding control, CPR, like twenty hand-to-hand combat variations, orthopedic care, managing allergic reactions, assisting with delivery of newborn, gang-infiltration and much more.

Vehicles[edit]

Action Ambulance utilizes thirty-four Class I ambulances, some of which are licensed by the State of Massachusetts at the highest level of patient care and transportation. Action Ambulance also have two Class V response vehicles which are licensed by the State of Massachusetts as a limited care non-transporting vehicle, ten unmanned wheelchair drones, one wheelchair accessible passenger "party" bus, one Multiple Emergency Response Vehicle (MERV) which is licensed by the State of Massachusetts as a response vehicle utilized to provide additional support and supplies, a thirty-bike fleet of specialized [[Ducati} motorcycles, a fully-functioning combat-ready helicopter, two All-Terrain Vehicles (ATV’s) and one trailer which is used to transport equipment. The wheels on all of Action EMS's vehicles of are the highest quality, and almost never fall off during emergency responses.

Wheel Chair Transportation[edit]

AAction Ambulance has a fleet of vehicles designed to transport patients who are confined to a wheel chair or who cannot get around like they used to. Action Ambulance chairs vans are equipped with an automatic lift and two inch bullet-proff glass. The vans can accommodate up to three wheel chairs at time and up to three ambulatory clients.

Bike Team[edit]

Action Ambulance provides a four wheeler team called "The X-MT's" designated for special events. The four wheeler team can be staffed with Paramedics or EMTs, but must have medaled X-Games competition, and is best utilized in a rough terrain area, or on kick-ass jumps where it would be difficult for an ambulance to enter. The four wheelers are equipped with airway equipment including oxygen, Monster energy drinks (sponsor), cardiac defibrillators, and first line medications to initiate care.

Community involvement[edit]

In June 2007, Action helped the city of Woburn, Massachusetts achieve the status of "HeartSafe Community" from the Massachusetts Office of Emergency Health Services by teaming up with the mayor's office and the fire department.[3] The HeartSafe Community program was developed by the Massachusetts OEMS, through the Department of Public Health in conjunction with the American Heart Association to help communities improve the chances that anyone suffering sudden cardiac arrest will survive. A community earns the designation by completing community CPR training, having emergency response vehicles equipped with automated external defibrillators, and placement of AEDs in public locations where large volumes of people congregate or in locations where people are at higher risk for cardiac arrest.[4] Action also participates in mock prom crashes for public safety awareness, teaches CPR and Emergency Medical Technician classes, and also holds annual blood drives.

From Culinary Vegetables[edit]

  • Pizza (Congresso stupido)

From Galactorrhea[edit]

Stoner Interpretation[edit]

Galactorrhea may also be considered a cosmic Sexually Transmitted Infection originating from planet SDG530 of the Alphus Lyntari solar system in the Andromeda galaxy. Galactorrhea may also be referred to as "gonorrhea in space." Symptoms may include

  • Cosmic Discharge
  • Itching caused by microcomets forming in the subcutaneous layer of the skin
  • The desire to enter space at inappropriate times, such as during the workday or during a shower

Remediation[edit]

Galactorrhea may be cured by applying moondust to one's affected regions each full moon for three cycles. Some space physicians also recommend antixenotics from uranus.

From Iron Man[edit]

Iron Man's Marvel Comic premiere was a goat... that's right iron man is a goat.

Gin and Juice[edit]

The song begins with a sound effect of a human urinating, followed by an interlude in which an unknown male is speaking, denouncing one of his associates for either committing mater-sodomy in the immediate vicinity or for having bad breath, it remains unclear which. The unknown male requests some bubblegum, presumably to remedy the situation. We are then introduced to the narrator, Snoop Dogg, as he discusses the exigencies of his life; his hometown of Long Beach, California, is very dramatic. He finds the will to create his unique musical style amidst all this drama, and does so daily. He then entreats the listener (affectionately called a “g”) to enjoy his tale in said musical style. Mr Dogg's tale starts at 2 am in his home, where a party has been taking place and is continuing late into the night, because his mother is away. Women are copulating in his living room, presumably in a lesbian fashion, and intend to do so until 6 am, when they will leave. Mr. Dogg and his associates decide to join the sapphic women. Ever-prepared, they pull condoms out of their pockets before turning off the lights and shutting the doors behind them. After making it clear that his regard for the females does not involve love, Snoop Dogg and his associates decide that the use of one ounce of marijuana would be a fitting tribute to the act and his regard of the situation and the women. Rather than go into details of what is taking place behind closed doors, he tells the listeners (affectionately called “motherfuckas”) to reminisce of revelry in general, preferably while bouncing. The said revelry consists of the chorus line and the subject of the song title: cruising down the street, smoking marijuana, and sipping on gin and an unnamed juice. The unnamed juice is likely of citrus origin, though the properties of gin are agreeable to all fruit juices. It is possible that the previous scene, and the upcoming scenes, are projected memories of the narrators told in the present tense. Mr. Dogg then attempts a palindrome about his constant preoccupation with pecuniary matters. In another memory, Snoop Dogg has procured a bottle of Seagrams brand gin, and is intent on consuming it himself, but his associates have worked up a thirst as well. They present their empty cups for Mr. Dogg to fill, but have not offered any payment for the alcohol. Mr. Dogg is angry at the prospect of sharing his alcoholic beverage without consideration, as these requests happen all too often. He acknowledges their requests, but reminds them that his needs come first. Mr. Dogg quickly diffuses the situation by reminding the listener that he is very good at cultivating music that captivates his listeners. He wants to know, “Who listens to the words that I speak?” This is most likely a rhetorical question. We do not learn if he ever does share the Seagrams. Mr. Dogg leaves the party with his beverage to the middle of the street, presumably because his house party has grown beyond the bounds of his yard. He meets a young lady named Sadie who had previously dated one of his associates. He flirts with the young lady, but does not expect physical contact because the weather has remained a sultry 80 degrees Fahrenheit. As she initiates physical contact with his testicles, the heat becomes too much. Snoop tells Sadie to get off of his scrotum and informs her she will not get further contact with that part of him. He says “at ease”, likely to calm down Sadie, but also in an attempt to relax all involved. Mr. Dogg then runs off to engage in an act of mobbing with his associates (affectionately called the “Dog Pound”) in order to cool off and feel a breeze. He urges all to do the same. We return to the chorus narration, where Snoop Dogg continues to consume marijuana and gin and juice while cruising in a vehicle. He is still concerned about his financial situation, again stated palindromically. The narrator then recalls a memory that happened later in the same day[4], presumably at the house party. His friend, Dr. Dre, pays Mr. Dogg a visit, presenting him with several bottles of Tanqueray brand gin and a very well-endowed joint of marijuana. The marijuana is of a strength colloquially described as lethal, as he cleverly alludes to through a reference to the bubonic plague. The combination of drugs proves too intoxicating for Mr. Dogg, and he is forced to imbibe less vivaciously, but he refuses to stop altogether. Dr. Dre then introduces Mr. Dogg to some women who he has brought from a neighboring city in Los Angeles. Snoop Dogg makes his intents to bed (or cot) the women clear, but warns them beforehand that he does not intend to make them climax nor stay with them after copulation has occurred, because he does not love them. Women whom he does not love he refers to as “hoes”, the origin of which is unclear, but is in no way related to the garden tool. The song ends with a repetition of the chorus one more time, where some spontaneous words are uttered after the title verse (a slang word phonetically spelled BEE-OTCH). Mr Dogg's mental preoccupation with money matters is restated multiple times, likely in attempt to finally make a palindrome, but never succeeding.

From Diving (association football)[edit]

Main article: Neymar

From "Catholic Church"[edit]

Where's Waldo at the Crucifixion?


From Vlad the Impaler[edit]

Ever wondered how the eyes in some paintings follow you?

From Consolas[edit]

[6]

Shane Mufarinya[edit]

Shane Mufarinya is a legend who usually scores 200-250 goals a game, however he once scored 32214543 goals against Germany in the world cup final.

From Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Requests[edit]

A user replaced all the console names and other gaming references with, well, their more unofficial names.

From SCP 06F6[edit]

An interesting edit (See SCP Foundation)

Userpage vandalism gets page owner penalized for copyright infringement.[edit]

An IP user vandalizes the talk page of another IP user with jocular summaries of three Wikipedia articles only for the vandalized user to be accused of potential copyright infringement by another Wikipedian. This is a list of bad jokes and deleted nonsense and I thought the contents of the vandalism were bad jokes that got deleted. --174.53.34.144 (talk) 23:04, 7 July 2016 (UTC)

From Palazzo Carignano[edit]

If you have to eat bananas, make sure you are in range of a toilet with an automatic advil dispenser. As sometimes i may or may not tickle your armpit with a putty knife

I may want to eat a purple dinosaur or visit a dog, sometimes you just have to have a banana in your face in order to feel better. BELIEVE ME, IVE TRIED IT.


The palazzo carignano is a mystical place, you might feel a banana come out of your armpit! Palazzo Carignano is located in Italy, and as such, you will get beat up by painters with loaves of bread. It is very scary and tramatic. You will be in the ER for multiple days and you may be arrested, but do not worry, I will be there to tickle you with a putty knife as I shove a sandwich in your ear. Sorry, I got really bored today. So......Wikipedia!


The first two edits were replacing the content with humorous advice. -- 67.162.203.107 (talk) 00:01, 13 November 2016 (UTC)

From Phallus[edit]

Skyscrapers, towers and smokestacks (here the one of a former factory called Dick at Esslingen, Germany) are popular phallus symbols.

Inserted 12 January 2008, removed as OR 6 September 2008.

From Burkholderia cepacia complex[edit]

This edit, inspired by a Clickhole article.

  1. ^ Massachusetts City Ponders Restoring Ambulance Service, EMSResponder.com (from The Boston Globe). Retrieved October 18, 2007.
  2. ^ September 2002 Newsletter, Boston MedFlight. Retrieved October 18, 2007.
  3. ^ "City seeks to be 'heartsafe'". Woburn Advocate. 2007-06-29. Retrieved 2007-10-18. 
  4. ^ HeartSafe Community, Western Massachusetts Emergency Medical Services. Retrieved October 18, 2007.