Talk:Augustus FitzGeorge/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 16:35, 1 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:35, 1 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sturmvogel 66, thank you so much for taking the time to review this article for GA. I look forward to working with you throughout this process! Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns in the meantime! -- West Virginian (talk) 00:47, 2 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

There's a bit too much detail in the lede. I think that who he was ADC for isn't important enough for the lede and is better left to the main body. Don't feel any pressure to bulk up the lede; if it weren't for the accident of his birth, I'm not at all sure that he'd be notable on his own.
Move the stuff about his father's marriage and the consequences to right after the first sentence where you brought it up. But be sure to summarize it.
Delete the stuff about his brothers, the KCVO, and last surviving child, as it's redundant to the main body.
Exact units he was assigned to could also profitably replaced with something like he served as an officer in the British Army...
As a confirmed bachelor, has there been any informed speculation about his love life?
That'll do for a starter.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 19:28, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sturmvogel 66, thank you so much for your initial guidance and suggestions. I’ve slimmed down the lede per your comments and suggestions. Please let me know if there are any outstanding issues with the lede, and I’ll address them ASAP. Thanks again, V/r -- West Virginian (talk) 22:51, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sturmvogel 66, in answer to your last question, I was unable to find any information about his love life--speculation or otherwise. -- West Virginian (talk) 22:54, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Re the lede, I see that you left his family history in the second para, do you feel that it fits better there than immediately following the first sentence? And be sure not to refer to his father by his full title more than once. This is a real issue later in the article.

Moving on... I rather approve of his father's actions regarding his promotions; it's a nice contrast to royals who are colonels by 35 or even earlier.
Coombe estate of the Duke of Cambridge in Kingston Hill.[35] The estate had been granted to the Duke of Cumberland by The Crown This confuses me as it seems there's a missing bit of information here. What's the connection between Cambridge and Cumberland?
Not sure the list of people in the second para of the death section is really notable.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:26, 11 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sturmvogel 66, thank you so much for your continued review and feedback! I’ve reordered the lede accordingly, so that it starts with his family connections and ends with his military and later careers. I also went through the article and culled references to his father as the Duke of Cambridge, and just referred to him as his father or their father when the sentence includes his brother, Adolphus. The mention of the Duke of Cumberland was a typo, and should have been the Duke of Cambridge, but I removed the title altogether during my culling. The list of the people in the second paragraph of the Death section is meant to demonstrate how even though Augustus was not a recognized member of the British royal family, senior members of the royal family sent representation to his funeral on their behalf, which demonstrates acknowledgement. Let me know if there is a preferable way to convey this in this section. Thanks again! — West Virginian (talk) 16:21, 12 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sturmvogel 66, thank you again! It has been an honor and privilege to work with you throughout this review process, and I look forward to working with you again in the future! -- West Virginian (talk) 17:07, 12 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]