Talk:Dress You Up/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk) 10:06, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): (citations to reliable sources): (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Article is pretty decent on the whole but I have quite a few concerns, mostly regarding prose, which I've detailed below. There's a lot to get through but I'm going to put this article on hold rather than failing it straight off as I know that the nominator, Legolas, is a committed Wikipedian and is more than capable of turning the article around. Cavie78 (talk) 12:43, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • General
  1. There's a template for citing album and sleeve notes that should be used instead of the current cite for the picture disc -

{{cite album-notes|title=|bandname=|year=|page=|format=|publisher=|publisherid=|location=}}

    1. Added. --Legolas (talk2me) 16:34, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Infobox
  1. The maximum size allowed for an album/single cover is 300 x 300 pixels, the image needs reducing in size slightly.
  • Lead
  1. "The song was the last added track on the album, since it was submitted late by songwriters Andrea LaRusso and Peggy Stanziale. Madonna wanted to have it on the album, after hearing the lyrics." I think these two sentences could be worded better. Suggest "The song was the last track to be added to the album as it was submitted late by songwriters Andrea LaRusso and Peggy Stanziale" and something along the lines of "Madonna pushed for the song's inclusion on Like a Virgin as she particularly liked its lyrics" or similar.
    1. Corrected.
  2. "A live performance from Madonna's first tour was used as the music video." I think this sentence would sit better at the end of the first paragraph.
  3. "The lyrics are an extended metaphor between fashion and sex" this doesn't really make sense (the word "between" is the problem)
  4. "Contemporary and old critics complimented the dance-pop nature of the song" I think you are confusing the word "contemporary" with "modern" - contemporary means "Belonging to the same time, age, or period; living, existing, or occurring together in time" so contemporary reviews of "Dress You Up" would be reviews written at the time of its release. Also "complimented the dance-pop nature of the song" doesn't sound right, I'd suggest changing to something along the lines of "reacted positively to the dance-pop nature of the track" although I'm not sure if this is true given the body.
  5. "where it was certified on the 2009 leg of the Sticky & Sweet Tour" certified as what?
  6. ""Dress You Up" was added to the "Filthy Fifteen" list of the Parents Music Resource Center, as they believed it to promote unabashed sexual imagery." Again I'd suggest changing this sentence to something like ""Dress You Up" was added to the Parents Music Resource Center's "Filthy Fifteen" list due to the perceived sexual nature of its lyrics."
    1. Corrected all. --Legolas (talk2me) 16:34, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Background
  1. The section is called 'Background' but also seems to include information about the song's release - at the very least the section header needs changing to 'Background and release' although some of the release info seems like it might sit better in a renamed 'Release and chart performance' section.
  2. "Nile Rodgers had initially asked..." Rewrite as "Producer Nile Rodgers had initially asked..." linking producer to Record producer
  3. "as there was no time to compose a melody" This seems a bit odd, how was the song submitted without a melody?
    1. Clarified, only the lyrics were submitted, hence there was no time to compos a melody.
  4. There doesn't appear to be a reference to back up the fact that the single was one of several to be released as a limited-edition shaped picture disc.
    1. Removed unreferenced.
  5. "Although no music video was made for the song, a live performance of "Dress You Up" from The Virgin Tour, filmed at Detroit was used as the video" I guess the live performance was used as the music video? In which case the start of the sentence doesn't make sense.
    1. Clarified. --Legolas (talk2me) 16:34, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Composition
  1. The link Classical guitar strings for "single guitar note" seems unnecessary.
  2. "The bridge consists of a rock guitar solo being played and towards the end of the song, the sound of the drums are lessened, while the treble is increased." This sentence needs completely rewriting. Firstly I'd suggest something along the lines of "A rock guitar solo plays during the bridge". The last part of the sentence feels tagged on and I'm not sure what you're trying to say. How are the sound of the drums "lessened" - are they made quieter? Also how is the treble increased? On the whole track? A Treble booster is a guitar effects pedal so is it just the guitar?
  3. "time signature of common time" common time is another way of saying 4/4 which I think would be more appropriate here.
  4. "The song makes use of an extended metaphor between fashion and sex." Same as the lead, not sure what you're trying to say here.
  5. "for the pleasure of having her hands all over his body." This could be worded better
  6. "According to Rikky Rooksby, author of Madonna: the complete guide to her music, the line where she sings that she will create a "look" for her lover, referred to a concept that would become unique to Madonna's own fame" Again this needs to be worded better I'm afraid.
  • Chart performance
  1. ""Dress You Up" debuted at thirty-six on the Billboard Hot 100, for the issue dated August 17, 1985" and "In Canada, the song debuted at ninety on the RPM singles chart for the issue dated August 24, 1985." Although the charts appear in magazines it's common practice to just reference the date so "...on the Billboard Hot 100 on August 17, 1985" etc.
  2. "The song was placed at position hundred on the Year-end chart for 1985" what year end chart? In America?
  • Live performances
  1. "In The Virgin Tour, "Dress You Up" was the opening song of the setlist." should be "On the Virgin Tour, "Dress You Up" was the opening song of the set."
  2. "As the beat of the song started, Madonna entered the stage, by posing on the stairs and ultimately reaching the microphone and singing the song" should really be "As the beat of the song started, Madonna entered the stage and posed on the stairs before reaching the microphone to sing the track"
  3. "The performance was included in the VHS release Live – The Virgin Tour." should be "A performance of the song from the Virgin Tour was included on the VHS release..." alos VHS should be linked.
  4. "In the Who's That Girl World Tour of 1987, Madonna performed it as a medley with "Material Girl" and "Like a Virgin"." Should be "During the Who's That Girl World Tour of 1987, Madonna performed "Dress You Up" as part of a medley with "Material Girl" and "Like a Virgin".
  5. "A backing track was created for performance on her 2004 Re-Invention World Tour" This sentence needs rewriting - at present it sounds like the backing track was going to be 'performed' whereas presumably it would have been played in the background while Madonna sand and played guitar over the top?
  • Cover versions
  1. Were the Darren Hayes and Kelly Llorenna released as singles? Do they appear on albums?
Never. --Legolas (talk2me) 04:00, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Legacy
  1. When was the song added to the "Filthy Fifteen" list?
  2. "considered its lyric ("Gonna dress you up in my love")" Either change to considered its lyrics and drop the quote or state that the line quoted was a particular problem.
  3. ""Dress You Up" received a rating 'S'" Did the PRMC give the record this rating? Was it ever used or just suggested?
  4. "However, Madonna fans retorted" I'm not sure one sentence can be attributed to all Madonna's fans
  5. "The list was presented to a Senate committee in a campaign to censor such songs. Other songs included then-recent hits by Cyndi Lauper, Prince, Sheena Easton, the Mary Jane Girls, and Twisted Sister. This led to the creation of the Parental Advisory sticker." Did the PRMC really want to censor songs? Earlier in the paragraph you suggest that they merely wanted to give them ratings? Do we need to know about other artists on the list? Consider changing the last sentence to "The campaign was ultimately successful and led to the creation of the Parental Advisory sticker."
  • Credits and personnel
  1. "Rob Sabino – assorted and bass synthesizer" Assorted?!!
  • Im sorry that this took time as Im currently hospitalised and recovering, hence not being able to log in. Please bare with me. --Legolas (talk2me) 16:34, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
No problem, take yor time. Cavie78 (talk) 17:15, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I have addressed all your concerns for the article. Please take a look. --Legolas (talk2me) 08:07, 21 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Several of my concerns seem not to have been dealt with - could you have another look? Cavie78 (talk) 14:57, 21 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Im sorry I may be missing things but which one are you referring to? --Legolas (talk2me) 04:00, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Hi Legolas, the following points have still to be dealt with Cavie78 (talk) 15:50, 23 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Points 3 and 5 from 'Composition'
  • My issue with the Darren Hayes and Kelly Llorenna cover versions. You say Hayes recorded the track but that it didn't appear on an album or single? If it wasn't released at all I'm not sure it should be mentioned. Also the source you're using doesn't seem to back up the fact that he recorded the track as far as I can tell, it merely states that it's Haye's favourite song from the 80's. Kelly Llorenna's Wiki page states that her cover of "Dress You Up" was a single and I doubt she'd have recorded a video for it otherwise.
  • Point 4 from the legacy section - this quote obviously comes from someone in particular, you can't say "The majority of fans retorted..." If it's Forbes and Mahan who made the statement then it needs to be attributed to them. I'd suggest something like "According to Bruce David Forbes and H. Mahan in their book Religion and Popular Culture in America, Madonna's fans took the attitude "If you don't like it, don't listen to it." and were angered that the "cultural conservatives" of the PRMC were trying to "police morality".
    • I corrected concern 1 and 3. For concern 2, I checked the reference and found that it indeed did not say that Hayes recorded it. Hence removed. Llorenna released it as a single as per her album liner notes. Concern 3, I kept the original quote from the book. --Legolas (talk2me) 03:46, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • Good work, have now promoted to GA. Cavie78 (talk) 09:39, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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