Talk:Sixto Escobar/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Review by Truco (talk · contribs)

Lead
  • The intro is lacking, the first sentence goes straight into what he was most notable for. Why not state it like "Sixto Escobar was a Puerto Rican professional boxer. He was the country's first world champion."
    • I expanded these two sentences, how does it look? - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • After gathering a record of 21-1-1 as an amateur, Escobar debuted as a professional in 1931 defeating Luis "Kid Dominican" Pérez by knockout. - link to knockout?
  • After some fights, he moved to Venezuela due to lack of opponents in his division. - 1)"some fights" is WP:WEASEL 2)add the word 'the' before "lack of opponents"
  • There he received an opportunity for the Venezuelan Bantamweight championship, but lost by points. - "by points"? How many and link to what this process means?
  • Some time later he moved to New York and began boxing in other states, eventually capturing the Montreal Athletic Commission World Bantamweight Title. - "some time later" is WP:WEASEL
Early life
  • Early in his life he moved to Tras Talleres in Santurce, a subsection of San Juan, Puerto Rico. - comma after "life"
  • In Tras Talleres he began developing an interest in boxing and received instruction in said discipline. - comma after "Talleres"
  • Although at this time boxing was illegal in Puerto Rico, remote places such as a house’s backyard or rooftops were used to organize clandestine fights without attracting attention from the local police. - comma after "time", change the comma after "Puerto Rico" to a semi colon
    • Corrected, you certainly have a keen eyes for puntiation errors. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • After several months of instruction, Soto prepared a boxing card with included three-round fights, with each round lasting two minutes. - "with" should be 'which'
  • After this Escobar continued fighting in clandestine gyms. - add "match" before this and add a comma after this
    • Reworded, added combat after "match" (i.e. "After this match, ...") ;-) - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Escobar received his boxing license trough Peñagaricano. - typo on the word through
  • Professionals would fight Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays which were considered the best days of the week, while amateurs could compete the remaining days of the week without limitations. - comma before which
  • As an amateur he fought in 23 combats, gathering a record of 21 wins, one loss and a draw. - comma after amateur
Professional
  • Escobar turned professional on September 1, 1930, in a fight card organized at the Victory Garden gym in San Juan. - how did he turn professional just by one white? what classified him as a professional?
    • The rules changed slightly, but the only real difference back then was that pros fought for money. How should we state that? - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • On November 11, 1931, Escobar competed against Enrique Chaffardet for the Venezuelan Bantamweight title, but lost by decision. - 1)title should be capitalize 2)by "decision" makes no sense, how can he win/lose "by decision"?
  • After 17 fights he returned to Puerto Rico and competed in five cards. - comma after fights
  • General comment: Some of the boxing terms needs to be linked, like card (sports).
  • In the meanwhile, Tony Rojas, a friend of his managers Gustavo Jiménez and Arturo Gigante convinced them to release Escobar of the contract which binded them. - comma after "Gigante"
  • Since Escobar turned professional while he was still legally minor, his father had has to sign the unbinding agreement. - 1)add "a" before legally 2)remove has (not grammatically correct)
  • This was an eliminatory card organized by the Montreal Athletic Commission, which was to determine a contender for their vacant Bantamweight world championship, against first contender Baby Casanova who attended the card. - capitalize world championship and add a comma before who
  • This marked Leitham's last fight. Folloing this result, the NBA immediately called for a fight between Escobar and Casanova - since the acronym is in use here, you need to elaborate the acronym earlier like "National Boxing Association (NBA)"
  • The fight took place on June 26, 1934, and it was organized in Montreal, Canada. Escobar scored a knckdown in the third round, the fight concluded in the ninth round when Casanova lost by knockout. - typo on knockdown and replace the comma before the fight concluded with a semi colon
  • On August 8, 1934, he defeated Eugene Hart by points in a non-title match organized in Canada. - this needs to be elaborated as to what points mean in the term of boxing or at least linked somewhere
  • He spent a month in inactivity while recovering and in the winter he returned to Puerto Rico. - comma before and
  • The current governor ordered to have all government buildings closed so that public employees could attend a welcoming ceremony. - this should be "the governor" because he probably isn't the governor anymore, in addition what was his name?
  • On August 7, 1935, Escobar defeated Peter Santol, who was considered Canada's best bantaweight and held the Canadian Boxing Federation & Montreal Athletic Commission world titles, by unanimous decision in 12 rounds. - instead of repeating the names of the companies over and over use the acronym, but elaborate the acronym earlier in the article
  • However, Escobar wasn't still considered the division's undisputed champion because Baltazar Sangchili had defeated Panama Al Brown and was recognized by the International Boxing Union. - the still should be before wasn't, remember my note about the acronyms
  • Wanting to be recognized as such, Escobar pursued an title unification fight against Tony Marino, who had defeated Sangchili by knockout in his previous fight. - "a" not an
  • Shortly after, he recovered from this loss, he returned to the gym and defeated Johnny Defoe in a preparaty contest. - remove the comma before loss and add "and" before he. Replace the and with a semicolon and add "he" before defeated
  • After this fight, he received The Ring's bantamweight championship, which was presented by the magazine's editor, Nat Fleischer. - is The Ring Bantamweight Championship the official name, if so, it needs to be capitalized properly
    • Um, its not really a world championship. But it is a championship of sorts, there is a physical belt that recognizes the holder as the "real" champion. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Death
  • During this date an activity was presented by Puerto Rico's House of Boxing in the library of the Pabellón de la Fama del Deporte Puertorriqueño. - comma after date

Overall review[edit]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:
    Per comments above.
    B. MoS compliance:
    Per comments above.
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources:
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
    C. No original research:
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:
    B. Focused:
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
    The image in the inofbox is going to need an updated rationale. Also ask the uploader of the statue image to give a rationale for his image.
    • The statue's image was taken by Tony himself, he e-mailed me a unmodified (without the yellow-ish tint) copy before uploading it here. Thus, the license should be {{PD-self}} or {{self2}} (which is the current one). - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:18, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  1. B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
  2. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:
    Potential GA, but prose problems. Once they are resolved, I can pass.TRUCO 01:37, 20 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry for the delay, for some reason all of the nominations are being attended during this week. I will work with it calmy tommorow. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:00, 28 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
That's fine. :)--TRUCO 19:01, 30 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Passing nomination, however, I would still like to see a general copyedit be done. Best, --TRUCO 22:41, 7 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks man, sorry for the delayed response. - Caribbean~H.Q. 22:45, 16 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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