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Things (film)

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Things
Directed byAndrew Jordan
Screenplay by
  • Andrew Jordan
  • Barry J. Gillis
Produced by
  • Andrew Jordan
  • Barry J. Gillis
  • Lorinda Collins
Starring
  • Barry J. Gillis
  • Amber Lynn
  • Bruce Roach
  • Doug Bunston
  • Jan W. Pachul
  • Patricia Sadler
CinematographyDan Riggs
Edited by
  • Andrew Jordan
  • Barry J. Gillis
Music byJack Procher
Production
company
Left Field Productions
Distributed byExosphere Motion Pictures
Release date
September 1989
Running time
83 minutes
CountryCanada
LanguageEnglish

Things is a 1989 Canadian independent direct-to-video horror film, directed by Andrew Jordan and written by Jordan and Barry J. Gillis.[1] The film is considered one of the worst films of all time.

Plot

Don and Fred decide to visit the house of Doug, Don's brother. They're unaware that Doug and his wife Susan have been participating in wild experiments in order to have a child. While they're looking for some beer the two men discover a book written by Aleister Crowley and a tape recorder, which plays strange sounds. Hearing the tape, Doug storms in and scolds them before joining them in their drinking. Meanwhile Susan gives birth to bizarre creatures before dying. These creatures then infest the house and attack the men. Fred disappears, leaving Don and Doug to fight the creatures. Don accidentally kills Doug while trying to hit a creature on his back; he is later shown revived, baffling Don before disappearing. Doug briefly re-appears with a chainsaw before also disappearing. Don runs into the doctor who was conducting the experiments on Susan, who accuses him of murdering everyone. Don seemingly manages to escape the house. The film ends with the note "You have just experienced Things".

Production

Things is reportedly the "first Canadian shot-on-Super 8 gore shocker commercially released on VHS."[2] Shot in the Toronto suburb of Scarborough, Ontario, the cast consisted of co-writer Barry J. Gillis and pornographic film star Amber Lynn.[3] The plot follows two friends in a remote cabin who "discover a womb of monstrous horror that demands graphic dismemberment".[4]

Release

In 1989, Things was released direct-to-video.[5] It was released on DVD in 2008,[6] and was re-released on home media in 2011.[7] It has also been featured at film festivals.[8]

Reception and legacy

Since its release, Things has gained a reputation as being one of the worst films ever made. Critics from The Beachwood Reporter, Dread Central and Cinema Sewer each described it as being the worst film ever made.[9][6][3] Adam Symchuk of Screen Rant writes: "While films like The Room and Birdemic seem to be constant contenders for the best 'so bad it's good' movie, [Things] is the true unheralded champion among many cinephiles."[10] Likewise, a review from DVD Verdict wrote that the film was "a treasure for those who like to revel in the worst of the worst."[11] Meanwhile, J Hurtado of Screen Anarchy described it as "critically unassailable" and Will Pfeifer opined that "It's so terrible I can’t think of another movie that even comes close."[4][12]

Caelum Vatnsdal, author of They Came From Within: A History of Canadian Horror Cinema, wrote that Things is "the worst Canadian horror film ever made".[13] In his book Spinegrinder: The Movies Most Critics Won't Write About, Clive Davies stated that, while Things was a strong contender for the title of "best worst movie", it is not well known outside of its cult following.[14] Things was also reviewed by RedLetterMedia on an episode of Half in the Bag in 2013,[15] and RiffTrax spoofed it on March 4, 2022, with the latter concluding that "It’s definitive, universal… the worst movie we’ve ever done".[16][17]

References

  1. ^ Lentz, Harris M. Science Fiction, Horror & Fantasy Film and Television, McFarland, 2nd edition, 1598 pages, (2000), ISBN 0-7864-0950-9 (for Volume 1); 0-7864-0951-7 (for Volume 2); ISBN 0-7864-0952-5 (for Volume 3)
  2. ^ Turek, Ryan (June 23, 2011). "DVD: "Canuxploitation" Flick Things on the Way". Comingsoon.net. Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  3. ^ a b Kirschner, Jeff (December 10, 2015). "Things: The Worst Movie Ever Made". Dread Central. Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  4. ^ a b J Hurtado (August 3, 2011). "Things DVD Review". Screen Anarchy. Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  5. ^ J Hurtado (June 23, 2011). "Intervision Picture Corp Warns Of Things & The Secret Life: Jeffrey Dahmer July 12th". Screen Anarchy. Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  6. ^ a b "Things on DVD". Cinema Sewer. September 12, 2008. Archived from the original on March 9, 2016. Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  7. ^ Miska, Brad (June 23, 2011). "1989 Cult 'Things' Gets Rerelease". Bloody Disgusting. Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  8. ^ "Die Kultmoviegang zeigt "Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare" und "Things" in Bern". Nau.ch (in German). Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  9. ^ "Things: Perhaps The Worst Movie Ever Made". The Beachwood Reporter. Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  10. ^ Symchuk, Adam (September 30, 2020). "It Came From The North: 10 Great Monster Movies From Canada". Screen Rant. Retrieved September 2, 2021.
  11. ^ Loomis, Daryl (July 22, 2011). "DVD Verdict Review - Things". DVD Verdict. Archived from the original on April 1, 2016. Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  12. ^ Pfeifer, Will (October 17, 2008). "Will Pfeifer: Monsters, mullets meet for snoozefest". Jackson Newspapers. Archived from the original on September 2, 2021. Retrieved September 2, 2021.
  13. ^ Vatnsdal, Caelum (2004). They Came From Within: A History of Canadian Horror Cinema. Arbeiter Ring Publishing. ISBN 978-1-894037-21-1.
  14. ^ Davies, Clive (2015). Spinegrinder: The Movies Most Critics Won't Write About. Headpress. ISBN 978-1909394278.
  15. ^ "Half in the Bag: Summer Movie Catch Up and Things". Red Letter Media. October 12, 2013. Retrieved October 11, 2020.
  16. ^ Nelson, Mike J.; Murphy, Kevin; Corbett, Bill (March 4, 2022). "Things". Rifftrax. Archived from the original on March 5, 2022. Retrieved June 17, 2022.
  17. ^ RiffTrax: THINGS (HD Trailer) - RiffTrax on YouTube
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