User:CalHopkins

My name is Cal Hopkins. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Cal Hopkins boldly putting his chin on his fist

Biography

Cal Hopkins was born on March 30, 1993 somewhere around San Fransisco. He Moved to Lake Oswego, Oregon at the age of four, where all of his teachers player hated on him.

Player Hating

• 2001: Cal asks a few fellow daycare students to throw him against a wall in the gym. Cal breaks his collar bone, and has some crazy contraption on his shoulder for months. The assailants were forced to write apology notes.
• September 2005: Cal quits the football team and is labeled "football quitter" for life.
• February 2007: Cash, Chuckles, and Eurofag (a.k.a. Cal, Greg, and Charlie) were existing at night (a.k.a. being out past curfew) when out of nowhere a policeman struck down with great vengeance and furious anger. They informed the policeman that they were going to be just like three little Fonzies, but they were still patted down and driven home.
• March 2007: Cal works on his Social Studies homework during Shakespeare in Language Arts, then it is stolen by the teacher, Mrs. Mackin. Cal Takes the power back. Bitch couldn't step, and gets owned by the fourth amendment. Cal gets suspended.
• April 2007: Cal is elected to be the Secretary and Treasurer of Lakeridge, but gets fired.
• May 2007: Mr. von Rohr gives cal 39 out of a possible 50 points on his speech. Asshole.
• May 2007: Cal and his droogies were minding their own business on the roof of his elementary school, River Grove Elementary, when seen by a security guard. All three were sentenced to 3 hours of community service. The guard was really pretty cool, though.

Discography

Cal has released only one song, known as The Very Big Path. It can be found exclusively on MySpace.

List of Known Accomplices

• Charlie Refvem
• David Fontenot
• Greg Retz

Cal's Influence on the Internet

• CalHopkins.com
• Cal Hopkins on MySpace
• Slurpee Website Hosted by Cal Hopkins (Rotting piece of horse vomit)
• He used to have an old FreeWebs page, but it was lame.

Comments

== Cal Hopkins ate SOMEONE's Yogurt in the 6th grade. She still hates him for that. ==