Wikipedia:Peer review/Black Bike Week/archive1

Black Bike Week

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like feedback on improving the article, especially fresh views from anyone unfamiliar with motorcycle culture and bike rallies.

Thanks, Dbratland (talk) 19:18, 28 June 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article. I was once in South Dakota during the Sturgis rally, but know little about motorcycle rallies. I think this article, while clearly the beneficiary of lots of work, needs some more work if it is to make WP:GA and even more for WP:FA. WIth those potential goals in mind, here are some suggestions for improvement.

• Per WP:LEAD, the lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself - however much of the current lead consists of material found only in the lead (like the Dayton Rally or attendance figures or many of the names) are only in the lead and should be in the body of the article too.
• My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but there is little on the ban and nothing that I could see on the helmet law being struck down. While it is often useful to wait until the end and then (re)write the lead based on the final article, one thing that may help is to think about what you would want in the lead if it was the only thing someone could read about the article.
• Bold text in the lead is reserved for alternate titles for the article's main subject. I am pretty sure that Harley-Davidson Week is not the same thing as Black Bike Week ;-)
• It is always good to remember that an article is telling a story - usually stories flow best in chronological order. The origin section starts with the 1960s and 1970s, then goes back to the segregation era (before the 1970s), then goes ahead to 1980 and the founding of Black Bike Week, then in the last paragraph goes back to 1940. To someone not familiar with the story, this can be confusing.
• It also helps to provide context to the reader - see WP:PCR for example, it might help to describe the geography of the greater Myrtle Beach area early on, or even have a map.
• I did not have a good idea of what goes on in the week, except from the brief mentions in the lead. Is it mostly organized activities or just a bunch of bikers having fun together?
• A neutral point of view is important in all Wikipedia articles. While my sympathies lie with the bikers (sounds like they all got a raw deal), there is not much on the other side - why did Myrtle Beach decide to kick all bike rallies out - what were the official reasons given? Please see WP:NPOV
• Refs look good as far as I can tell
• Prose is decent, though organization is an issue in places (as noted above)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:32, 7 July 2010 (UTC)

Thank you! I'll start revising this soon. --Dbratland (talk) 04:18, 7 July 2010 (UTC)