Wikipedia:Peer review/The Harvest Gypsies/archive1

The Harvest Gypsies

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…

It is my first Wikipedia entry and I hope to see how it fares in the eyes of Wikipedia editors. My particular edits were those regarding the historical context and the influence on Steinbeck's later works.

Thanks, Empireeditor (talk) 03:22, 31 March 2015 (UTC)

Comments: You have made a good start, but there is room for improvement.

Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Layout you need to split your reference section into two. One for the inline citations, and one for the books you have used. I would also suggest formatting your citation section so that you have multiple columns, rather than the long single column you have at the moment. For reference, take a look at how the citations are laid out in this article: Operation Brevity.

You have mentioned several books, other than The Harvest Gypsies, they should also be italicized. Avoid using contractions (she'd, for example). The 'Role of Tom Collins & Sanora Babb' section seems completely independent of the previous section. I assume that the "significant assistance" Steinbeck received was in regards to the report George West commissioned? In addition, it seems that the 'Influence on Future Literary Works' and 'Significance in John Steinbeck's Career' would work better at the end of the article as part of the 'Criticism and Legacy'.

The 'Production of the Pamphlet' section also needs work, or moving. At this point, what articles is Helen Hosmer republishing? Looking at the article in chronological order, Steinbeck has been asked to write an article, but as of yet we have not really talked about it (which you next section does instead). Glancing through the next few sections, you need to work on your use of past and present tense (for example: "Although there are a few migrant workers in Oregon and even Washington, the vast majority came to California; Steinbeck estimates that there are "at least 150,000 homeless migrants wandering up and down the state."" This sentence, for example, implies that this is a present issue. It could also be worded better. For example, something like "Few migrant workers traveled to Oregon and Washington, rather the vast majority moved to California. Steinbeck ..."). You clearly know the subject, however you need to write the article for someone who is new to it. You may want to contact the Guild of Copy Editors and work with one of their members?

Good editoring, regards EnigmaMcmxc (talk) 10:17, 1 April 2015 (UTC)