Wikipedia:Peer review/Viktor Kosenko/archive1

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Viktor Kosenko[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… the article has now been greatly expanded and needs to be reviewed for GA nomination. As I see it is well sourced, although a few things still need to be referenced. The lead section also needs to be expanded to cover the many passages of Kosenko’s life. Any comments or constructive edits are more than welcome.

Thanks, Krenakarore TK 22:28, 22 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Cassianto[edit]

I will start it off now and continue over the next few days if that's OK.

Lead section
  • At two paragraphs, I think the lead section is too short. This will need extending.
    • Lead expanded.
  • "Viktor Stepanovych Kosenko (Ukrainian: Віктор Степанович Косенко; 23 November [O.S. 11 November] 1896 – 3 October 1938) was a Ukrainian composer, concert pianist, and educator regarded by many of his contemporaries as a master of lyricism in the manner of Alexander Scriabin, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, Sergei Rachmaninoff, as well as his compatriot Mykola Lysenko." -- That is a bit long. I would split it after "lyricism".
    • Sentence rephrased as for "lyricism".
  • "A very talented artist..." Slipping into POV there slightly.
    • "Talented artist" goes for Smoliĭ-Onopriienko, notheless the sentence has been rephrased.
  • "...he was also a leading figure among the broad-minded artistic collective of the 20th-century Ukrainian music, and whose legacy is filled with romantic feeling and intonations of Slavic folk songs." -- Says who?
    • "Broad-minded artistic collective" and "romantic feeling and intonations of Slavic folk songs" now referenced.
  • WP:PEA - "famous".
    • "Famous" deleted.
  • Redundancy of "alone"
    • "Alone" deleted.
  • "...250 works in several styles... ." -- Could you elaborate?
    • "100 compositions for piano" and "250 musical works" now referenced and elaborated.
Please, more ! Krenakarore TK 18:04, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Zhytomyr
  • There he authored countless piano pieces, over twenty romances, three piano, violin and cello sonatas, music for plays, his 21-minute one-movement Violin Concerto, Classical trio, 4 Children's Pieces for Piano, and the 11 Etudes in the form of old dances." -- Far to many commas. It makes for a lumpy, bumpy read.
    • Agreed! Sentence shortened.
  • "Subsequently, in the period from 1919 to 1924, he dedicated almost all of his output to his wife Angelina..." -- Why?
    • Sentence re-written, explained and referenced.
  • Could this section be expanded at all?
    • Yes, it has and will continue to be. Thanks for the clue!
Compositional debut
  • "...which in no way was inferior to any other artistic circle of the capital." -- According to who? Boarder line WP:POV.
    • Sentence deleted, although it was already referenced.
      • No need to delete, if you could say who described it as this and put into the quote then we can keep it. CassiantoTalk 16:52, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In September 1922, he gave his debut in the city of Zhytomyr..." -- Redundancy of "in the city of".
    • Redundancy deleted.
  • Common place names should not be linked. Moscow is the link in question here.
    • Comply. Moskow, Kiev and overlinked Kiev Conservatory delinked.
      • I would leave the link for Kiev as I feel this might not be widely known. CassiantoTalk 16:52, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • Kiev linked.
  • "During this period, Kosenko's piano works were published for the first time." -- How did they do in terms of success? Who published them?
    • We're talking about Soviet Ukraine here my dear, not Paris...:) ! Published by Musytschna Ukraina, but here I fall in assumption.
      • Never assume, could you find a source? CassiantoTalk 16:52, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • No, I can't.
  • "In 1927, he was invited by..." -- New paragraphs should not start with a pronoun. Kosenko will need to be used.
    • Adjusted.
  • "This same association invited him again in 1928 and 1929, being his performances always well received by the audience" -- Doesn't make sense.
    • That's what the reference says. Maybe to emphasize that his compositions were appreciated, otherwise the opposite would be mentioned too.
      • Try not to paraphrase. If you can word in your own words with this based in mind, then that would be great. CassiantoTalk 16:52, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • "being his performances always well received by the audience", deleted for now.
  • Is there a link for Kharkiv?
    • Yes, in "Compositional debut".
  • "program" -- BritEng?
    • No, "program" AmerEng! But if we need to write "kerb" instead of "kurb", it's ok too...:) !
      • Should be BritEng here as he was non-American. . CassiantoTalk 16:52, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The program of the concerts included, along with traditional classical pieces, compositions by Ukrainian composers Borys Lyatoshynsky, Levko Revutskiy, Pylyp Kozytskiy, and himself." -- Again, this doesn't read well. I think its the "along with traditional classical pieces" which confuses things. Perhaps move this to a sentence of its own and elaborate a little on what the pieces were? Also, "himself" is redundant as we are talking about him in the first place.
    • "along with traditional classical pieces" deleted, together with "himself".
    • As for elaborating things a bit... I still need User:Boguslav's help to find references to statements I've deleted that can be found in the Ukrainian book I scanned from the National Library. Krenakarore TK 10:59, 5 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

More soon.., -- CassiantoTalk 22:57, 22 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Tim riley
  • Lead
    • A bit too much puffery here, with "regarded by many of his contemporaries as a master of lyricism" (who are these "many"?) and "very talented artist … a leading figure among the broad-minded artistic collective" – in whose opinion?
      • Lead expanded, though I believe it needs more. "Contemporaries" found in text: Levko Revutsky, Irina Miklashovskaya, Gaidai, Chaliapin, etc. "Very talented artist" now referenced as well as "broad-minded artistic collective".
    • "His vocal, chamber and symphonic works are also among the most famous instrumental pieces of that time" – This really won't do. In the first place, how can a vocal work be among instrumental pieces, famous or not, and in the second place, who could reasonably maintain that his oeuvre is "among the most famous" from the era of Bartók, Berg, Fauré, Holst, Janáček, Kodály, Prokofiev, Ravel, Schoenberg, Shostakovich, Richard Strauss, Stravinsky, Webern et al.?
      • "Instrumental" and "Famous" deleted.
  • Main text
    • The prose is generally clear enough, but you repeat rather too much from "Early life and education" in the "Influences and style" section.
      • "Prose" will get better as we progress. We'll be working on "Early life" and "Influences".
    • There is too much WP:OVERLINK throughout the article. As a general rule, one link from the Lead and one link from the main text should be your maximum for each linked article, though it's OK to add another link from image captions if you wish.
      • "Overlinks" now "delinked".
    • I see that Cassianto has added several tags requesting citations. I endorse all those requests.
      • Those reqquests referenced, more to come.

I hope you find these few comments useful. Tim riley (talk) 13:29, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The article is the sum of many users. Still learning, still having fun ! Krenakarore TK 18:04, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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