Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Thurisind

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Thurisind[edit]

As part of my plan of expanding articles on late antique/early medieval "Barbarbarian" European kings I've created this article, expecting to make it a GA. Concerning the completeness and objectivity of the article I'm confident it's OK; the articles difficulties may eventually manifest themselves in the quality of the prose. Most importantly I'd like a careful evaluation of the lead and if the article is ready to stand up to a GAN. Aldux (talk) 17:59, 6 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Yannismarou[edit]

  • "The next-to-last Gepid king, he succeeded Elemund, whose son Ostrogotha he excluded from the succession and years later was to had assassinated by a foreign king who had given him hospitality." This sentence seems a bit complex to me. The foreign king killed whom, and had given hospitality to whom?
  • The lede looks fine to me in terms of content, length and structure.
  • "He found refuge with his followers ... ". "He" is Ostrogotha?
  • You re-link already linked words, such as Sirmium, Pannonia, Roman province, Danube etc.
  • I think citations [7][8][9] should be after ",".
  • "Justinian also resented the takeover by the Gepids of the formerly Roman city of Sirmium, which may had been given them by the Ostrogoths in 537 to create difficulties for the Byzantines." Does this mean that the Ostrogoths voluntarily surrendered the city to Gepids just in order to cause problems to the Byzantines? So, didn't they care to lose this city? Was it so unimportant, or they realized they could not keep it?
  • In my problem there is a problem in the succession of the last two pictures (Alboin and Justinian). You may want to think about keeping just one of the two or re-arranging them.
  • "did not want to breach the rules ... both kings secretly murdered their respective hosts." Thurisind did not want to break the rules of hospitality, but he finally killed his guest! Very interesting!
  • After a quick look, photo copyrights look fine to me.

I liked reading the article, and I believe it could successfully stand GAN. Maybe some copy-editing could further improve the prose flow, but a native English speaker should judge that.

By the way, how are you?--Yannismarou (talk) 16:53, 16 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment Hi Yannis, great to see you :-) I hoped to have made the unclear passages now clear; Sirmium as I added was left by the Goths because they were to occupied with Gothic war in Italy, and as for the assassination of their hosts I addedc "openly": they just didn't want to break the laws and be caught, but if they could do it secretly... I've worked a lot on the context lately, so that should be better.
Passing to something completely different, it's nice to see you still around. I'm not very much engaged in wikipedia as I once was, as my work drains most of my time, but I've had some free time lately so I decided to work on a few articles. As you've probably noted I left Balkan-related articles: too much polemics, I scaled down my participation to wiki. That said, I'm just fine :-) Aldux (talk) 21:04, 17 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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