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Thanks,  ♥ [[User:VisitingPhilosopher|VisitingPhilosopher]] ♥ <sup><small>[[User talk:VisitingPhilosopher|talk]] ◊ [[Special:Contributions/VisitingPhilosopher|contribs]]</small></sup> 09:38, 4 October 2012 (UTC)
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Copy success - Keep doing previous actions and traditions which worked.


- printed diary of things done.

- Evidence to re-read and prevent being subsumed by [[Gaslighting]],  [[Minimisation (psychology)]].

- menu plans

beware dwelling on disasters,

but need to name behaviours and emotions to remain assertive:- [[Minimisation (psychology)]]


---
'''Personal relationship skills''' are techniques which people can use to help in their long-term [[personal relationship]]s. Personal relationship skills help to maintain intimacy in all its forms, intensify the emotional bonds of loved ones, strengthen relationships, and enrich people's lives with hope.
The term "personal relationship skills" is typically used by [[psychologist]]s, [[self help]] books, [[therapist]]s (e.g., marriage guidance counsellors) and also mental health researchers and practitioners.

The skills listed together in [[Relate#Relationship books|relationship books]] are: [[#Love|loving well]], [[#Kindness|kindness]], [[#Meeting needs|care]], [[#Encouragement|communication]], [[#Human bonding|bonding]], [[#Thinking about thinking|reflectiveness]], [[#Cheerfulness|fun]], [[#Open to change|flexibility]] and  [[#Skills_relevant_to_children|parenting]]. 

{{Close Relationships}}

==History of personal relationship skills==

===Pre-history===
{{Quote box
 |quote  = "We are entering a golden age of brain research."
 |source = <small>[[John Humphrys]], 20-Sep-2012, [[Society for Neuroscience#Annual meeting|Neuroscience 2012]]</small> <ref name=golden_age>{{cite web |last=Humphrys|first=John|title=News segment on new research being presented at Neuroscience 2012|url=http://www.sfn.org/am2012/index.aspx?pagename=abstracts_main|work=BBC [[Today programme]]|authorlink=John Humphrys|date=20-Sep-2012|year=2012}}</ref>
}}
[[File:Cuneiform script.jpg|thumb|150px|[[Cuneiform]] script on clay tablets contained moral advice (3300BC - 2000BC)<ref name="The Story of Writing 106"></ref> ]] 
Examples of using these relationship skills appear in literary history since writing began.<ref name="History of the world">{{cite book |last=Marr|first=Andrew|title=Andrew Marr's History of the world|year=2012|publisher=Macmillan|location=Part I|isbn=978-0230755956|pages=34|quote=Paanab dispute in [[Deir el-Medina]] documented on [[ostraca]]. Symbolism in [[Çatalhöyük]].}}</ref>    Written moral advice first appeared circa 3300BC-2000BC <ref name="The Story of Writing 106">{{cite book |title=The Story of Writing |last=Donoughue |first=Carol |authorlink= |year=2007 |publisher=[[British Museum]] |location= |isbn= |page=106 |url= |accessdate=}}</ref> and a confrontation was documented in [[hieroglyphs|hieroglyphics]] circa 1350BC. <ref name="The Story of Writing 107">{{cite book |title=The Story of Writing |last=Donoughue |first=Carol |authorlink= |year=2007 |publisher=[[British Museum]] |location= |isbn= |page=107 |url= |accessdate=}}</ref>  <sup>[[wikiquote:Personal relationship skills#Conflict|{5}]]</sup>

===Ancient===  
The Greek, Roman and Chinese philosophers had much to say on personal relationship skills, the institution of marriage was a bedrock of their society.  For example - [[Art of Love|Ovid]], [[Meditations#KindnessQuote|Marcus Aurelius]], [[Chinese marriage#Marriage in a Confucian context|Confucius]], [[Socrates]], [[Plato]], [[Cicero]]. <sup>[[wikiquote:en:Personal relationship skills|{5}]]</sup>

===Present day===   
Research journals and a multitude of long-term studies report their new findings frequently. There is still much to learn and discover.  For a review of some ongoing studies, see [[Intimate_relationship#2010s|intimate relationships research]].  For instance, a finding that retaliatory negativity between partners during a conflict is arguably the most robust predictor of poor marital quality. However, that this degradation can be softened (according to a 120 heterosexual couple Chicago sample) by undertaking a 21 minute reappraisal writing task every four months, for one year.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Finkel |first1=Eli J. |last2=Slotter |first2=Erica B. |date=26 June 2013 |title=A Brief Intervention to Promote Conflict Reappraisal Preserves Marital Quality Over Time |url=http://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/InPress_FinkelSlotterLuchiesWaltonGross_PSci_000.pdf |journal=Psychological Science OnlineFirst |volume= 24|issue= 8|pages= 1595–1601|doi=10.1177/0956797612474938 |pmid=23804960 |s2cid=2254080 }}</ref>


Many authors develop an approach to relationships based on skills which can be learnt.  <ref name="Basic skills">{{cite book |title=Chapter 6. "Basic skills", ''"The lost art of being happy"'' |last=Wilkinson |first=Tony |authorlink= |year= |publisher= |location= |isbn= |page=P55 }}</ref> <ref>Ricard, Matthew.  ''"Happiness, a guide to developing life's most important skill"'' P237.</ref>
<ref name=PRSp4>{{cite book |last=Stephen J. Sampson Ph.D.; Cindy Elrod Ph.D.|title=Personal Relationship Skills for beginning, strengthening, and maintaining an intimate personal relationship|date=August 2007 |publisher=HRD Press|isbn=978-1-59996-065-4|pages=4}}</ref>
<ref name=Meditations>{{cite book |last=Aurelius|first=Marcus|title=Meditations|date=circa AD170|pages=Book I, XI|url=http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2680}}</ref> <sup>[[wikiquote:Personal relationship skills#skills|{9}]]</sup>

== Skills relevant to children ==
{{main|Parenting}}
Children's skills differ from adults<ref name="Mental health resilience"></ref> as their personal relationship is with their [[Attachment theory|care giver]] whereas adult skills maintain the relationship between [[intimate relationship|partners]] and build a [[Attachment-based therapy %28children%29#.27Circle of Security.27|circle of security]] for their children.

'''Breaking the cycle of raising insecure children''' - Research has proved that insecure parents raise insecure children.<ref name="main 85">{{cite encyclopedia|author=Main M, Kaplan N, Cassidy J|year=1985|title=Security in infancy, childhood and adulthood: A move to the level of representation|editor=Bretherton I, Waters E|encyclopedia=Growing Points of Attachment Theory and Research|location=Chicago|publisher=University of Chicago Press|isbn=978-0-226-07411-5}}</ref><ref name="fonagy 91">{{cite journal |author=Fonagy P, Steele M, Steele H|title=Maternal representations of attachment predict the organisation of infant mother–attachment at one year of age|journal=Child Development|volume=62|pages=891–905|doi=10.2307/1131141|year=1991|pmid=1756665|issue=5|publisher=Blackwell Publishing|jstor=1131141}}</ref><ref name="steele">{{cite journal |author=Steele H, Steele M, Fonagy P|year=1996|journal=Child Development|title=Associations among attachment classifications of mothers, fathers, and their infants|volume=67|pages=541–55|doi=10.2307/1131831|pmid=8625727|issue=2|publisher=Blackwell Publishing|jstor=1131831}}</ref>  However it has also been shown that (with intervention) insecure children are not an inevitable outcome.  If a parent is given appropriate training an insecure parent can raise a secure child. <ref name="Benson 2005">{{cite book |title=What interventions strengthen family relationships? |last=Benson |first=H. |authorlink= |year=2005 |publisher=2-in-2-1.co.uk |location= |isbn= |page=4 |url=http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/pdf/conf05/bensonpaper.pdf  |accessdate=19-Apr-2011 }}</ref>
[[File:US Navy 060613-N-6501M-039 A group of Filipino children gather together for a picture expressing their happiness after having watched the U.S. Navy Showband.jpg|thumb|150px|]]
'''Building these skills is key for children:'''
[[Resilience]], [[self esteem]], [[self-efficacy]], readiness to learn and a positive social identity are all protective assets, influencing a very wide range of health and social outcomes. It is crucial that children enjoy good mental health as this forms the basis of an emotionally and physically healthy adult life.  <ref name="Mental health resilience">{{cite book |title=Mental health, resilience and inequalities |last=Dr Friedli |first=Lynne |authorlink= |year=2009 |publisher=WHO:World Health Organization |location= |isbn= |page=38 |url=http://www.mentalhealthpromotion.net/resources/mental-health-resilience-and-inequalities.pdf  |accessdate=11-Apr-2011 }}</ref>
&nbsp;

== Skills relevant to adults ==
=== Love ===
{{main|Love}}

{{Wikiquote|Love}}
Loving well is a gift which people can delight in.  Loving another person well enriches both - the sum of the two halves adds up to more as a whole.  The hope for a joyous future together can allow a partnership to overcome seemingly intractable obstacles which come their way. <ref name=St_AC_of_Grayling1>{{cite book |last=Grayling|first=A C|authorlink=A_C_Grayling |title=Ideas That Matter|year=2010|publisher=Weidenfeld & Nicolson|isbn=978-0-7538-2618-8|pages=315}}</ref>   <!-- note to reviewer:   Reworded entirely from the source.  Please comment if this is still too airy-fairy, it can be re-worded again.  -->

=== Kindness ===
{{main|Loving kindness}}

In surveys, when people are asked what they most desire from their personal relationship, kindness appears as a highly prized trait sought for in a partner.<ref name=kindness_survey_1>{{cite web |last=Mens Health|title=Top 5 Character Traits Women Seek In A Man|url=http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/most_desirable_traits/Top_5_Character_Traits.php|publisher=Rodale Inc|accessdate=29-May-2011}}</ref> 

&nbsp;

[[File:Mother-Child face to face.jpg|thumb|150px|motherly love]]

=== Human bonding ===
{{Commons category|Hugging}}
{{Main|Attachment theory}}
{{Main|Human bonding}}

[[Physical intimacy]] plays an important part in long term relationships with [[Physical_intimacy#Display_of_affection|displays of affection]] maintaining bonds and the ties that bind. 

{{Quotation|Forget about learning how to argue better, analysing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection.|[[Sue Johnson]] | <small>in "Hold Me Tight"</small><ref name=EFTcover>{{cite book |title='''Hold Me Tight''' - Your guide to the most successful approach to building loving relationships |last=Johnson |first=Sue |authorlink= |year= 2011|publisher=Piatkus Books |location= |isbn=978-0749955489 |page=5 |url=  |accessdate= }}</ref>|}}

"We are designed by evolution to be primarily motivated to attach to other people" <sub>~ David Wallin </sub><ref name="Implications of attachment theory" />
: 
&nbsp;

=== Thinking about thinking ===
{{Philosophy sidebar}}
{{main|Mentalization}}

Several terms exist for this thinking skill <ref name="Attachment and Psychotherapy">{{cite book |title=Attachment and Psychotherapy |last=Wallin |first=David |authorlink=David Wallin |year=2007 |publisher=The Guilford Press |location= |isbn= |page=2 |pages=366 |url=  |accessdate= }}</ref> 
* "[[mentalization]]" - [[Peter Fonagy]]  
* "[[meta-cognition]]" - [[Mary Main]]
* [[Six Thinking Hats]] "blue hat" - [[Edward De Bono]]
* "[[Reflective practice]]" - [[Donald Schön]]
* "Psychologically minded" 
* "[[Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy#Core_Principles|Psychological flexibility]]" - [[Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy|A.C.T.]]


"The whole idea of thinking about thinking is that we learn about ourselves through being understood by other people.  Babies learn about their feelings by having their feelings understood by someone else." <sub>~ [[David Wallin]]</sub><ref name="Implications of attachment theory">{{cite book |title=Implications of attachment theory |last=Wallin |first=David |authorlink=David Wallin |year=2009 |publisher=mentalhelp.net |location= |isbn= |page= |pages= |url=http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_index.php?idx=119&d=1&w=9&e=29433  |accessdate=22-Apr-2011 }}</ref>

'''Thinking about thinking''' is that capacity for reflecting on one's own experience and the experience of others that allows us:
# To raise secure children
# To free ourselves from repeating our own negative behaviours; to change our own programming.

i.e., To learn from our own and others' mistakes and to learn from others' good examples. <ref name="Attachment and Psychotherapy">{{cite book |title=Attachment and Psychotherapy |last=Wallin |first=David |authorlink=David Wallin |year=2007 |publisher=The Guilford Press |location= |isbn= |page=2 |pages=366 |url=  |accessdate= }}</ref><!-- Convenience note, while redrafting: was Ref33 -->

Studies have demonstrated that when individuals engage in [[Writing therapy|therapeutic writing]] about emotional experiences, significant physical and mental health improvements follow.  Changes in basic cognitive processes during writing are likely to result in better health.  One study showed that [[reflective writing]] with insightful analysis had the best developmental outcomes for the writer themselves.  <ref name="reflective_writing">{{cite book |title=Writing About Emotional Experiences as a Therapeutic Process |last=Pennebaker |first=J. |authorlink= |year=1997 |publisher=American Psychological Society, Vol8, No.3 |location= |isbn= |page=165 |url=http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/faculty/Pennebaker/Reprints/P1997.pdf |accessdate=11-Jun-2011 }}</ref>

=== Open to change ===
{{main|Personal development}}
Being open to change has been shown to be an important skill.<ref name="Staying Together"></ref>   [[Mindfulness]] can assist the development of this skill. <ref name="The Mindful Manifesto">'''The Mindful Manifesto''', by Dr Jonty Heaversedge, 2010. ''''. P.234</ref>
[[Acceptance and commitment therapy]] (ACT) promises to make the eastern [[mindfulness]] concepts more accessible to western readers.  <ref name="guardian">{{cite book |title=This column will change your life |last=Burkeman |first=O. |authorlink= |year=2007 |work=[[The Guardian]] |location= |isbn= |page= |pages= |url= |accessdate=}}</ref>
The [[Acceptance and commitment therapy|ACT]] approach avoids several [[Personal development#Criticism|self-help traps]].  ACT does not make wisdom purely instrumental - not just a tool for achieving the perfect relationship or career.  ACT does not lead to a path of obsessive self-improvement. <ref name="BeingHappyP87">{{cite book |title=''"The lost art of being happy"'' |last=Wilkinson |first=Tony |authorlink= |year= |publisher= |location= |isbn= |page=87 }}</ref> <ref name="guardian">{{cite book |title=This column will change your life |last=Burkeman |first=O. |authorlink= |date=12-Mar-2007 |work=[[The Guardian]] |location= |isbn= |page= |pages= |url= |accessdate=}}</ref>

=== Meeting needs ===
[[File:Under the veil.jpg|thumb|200px|The happy couple]]
{{main|Marriage counseling}}
Meeting of needs and showing care are assisted by [[Marriage_counseling#Basic_Practices|communication]].<ref name="Staying Together">'''Staying Together''', by Susan Quilliam. [[Relate]] publications. ''From crisis to deeper commitment.'' P.154</ref>
Falling in love is such a wonderful experience because it holds the hope that needs for attention, support and companionship will be satisfied forever.<ref name="Staying Together"></ref>  Unfortunately, for many reasons, this may not happen.  In order to have a working partnership those in the relationship should feel their needs are being met, most of the time.<ref name=PRSp193>{{cite book |last=Stephen J. Sampson Ph.D.; Cindy Elrod Ph.D.|title=Personal Relationship Skills for beginning, strengthening, and maintaining an intimate personal relationship|date=August 2007 |publisher=HRD Press|isbn=978-1-59996-065-4|pages=193–204}}</ref><!-- convenience link while redrafting: was Ref3 -->

=== Encouragement ===
{{main|Active listening}}

Encouragement, appreciation, praise, security <ref name="Raising happy children">{{cite book |title=Raising happy children |last=Atkins |first=S. |authorlink= |year=2007 |publisher= |location= |isbn= |page=311 |url=  |accessdate= }}</ref>

=== Negotiation ===
{{main|Negotiation}}
Two approaches are applicable for personal relationships:

(a) ''Constructive conflict'' 
:6 stages: preparation, lead in, confrontation, active listening, negotiation, follow up <ref name="Conflict In Intimate Relationships">'''Conflict In Intimate Relationships''', by Dudley D. Cahn, 1992. ''Showing a hopeful and positive view of the marriage works''. P.111, P.79</ref><ref name="Constructive Confrontation">'''Constructive Confrontation''', by Remer de Mesquita, 1990. ''6 step plan for confrontations'' P.225-232.</ref>
(b) ''[[Compromise]]''

=== [[Cheerfulness]] ===
{{main|Positive psychology}}
{{wikiversity|Positive psychology}}   
* Physical activity, task setting, art, music, stories and humour, Love. <ref name="Survival strategies">{{cite book |title='''Survival strategies''' - ''Staying cheerful'' |last=Mossallanejed, Phd |first=E. |authorlink= |year= |publisher=psychiatryonline.org |location= |isbn= |page=1 |url=http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/content/42/3/9.2.full |accessdate=19-Apr-2011 }}</ref>
* [[Learned_optimism#Seligman.E2.80.99s_Method_of_Learning_Optimism|Accurate optimism]].<ref name="The Optimistic Child">'''The Optimistic Child''', by Martin Seligman. ''accurate optimism'' P.295</ref> <sup>([[Stockdale paradox|3]])</sup>

=== [[Best practices]] ===

:''Main article: [[Relationship_education#Basic_principles_and_practices|Relationship basic principles]]''
The [[best practices]] for happy relationships include communication and following principles.<ref name="Happy families principles">{{cite book |title=Happy families have few rules, lots of ... |last=Eveld Knight |first=E.M. |authorlink= |year=2006 |publisher=Ridder Newspapers |location= |isbn= |page= |pages= |url=http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4188/is_20060605/ai_n16454356/  |accessdate=24 April 2011 }}</ref>

'''Trust''' is one principle which cuts down on lots of rules between those in the relationship. <ref name=Trust>{{cite news |last=[http://www.economist.com/blogs/schumpeter Schumpeter]|title='''Sticking together''' – ''Advice on managing partnerships''|newspaper=[[The Economist]]|date=13 November 2010}}</ref>
<ref name="Happy families principles">{{cite book |title=Happy families have few rules, lots of ... |last=Eveld Knight |first=E.M. |authorlink= |year=2006 |publisher=Ridder Newspapers |location= |isbn= |page= |pages= |url=http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4188/is_20060605/ai_n16454356/  |accessdate=24 April 2011 }}</ref>

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'''Seeking support - one pitfall'''

Seeking support is generally considered an important way for people to cope with stress.
However there is a pitfall in seeking social support from friends about an intimate relationship. 

Seeking social support from friends during marital difficulties has generally been found to be associated with negative outcomes <ref name="Whiffen 1989">Whiffen, V. E., & Gotlib, I. H. (1989). '''Stress and coping in maritally distressed and nondistressed couples'''. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6, P.327-344.</ref>  <!-- also mentioned, but can't find he page num now:  <-- Convenience link while redrafting: was Ref12 --> <!-- <ref name="Conflict In Intimate Relationships">  </ref>  -->
It is not recorded in the research whether the couples who ended up in divorce found satisfactory social support or not.
The pitfall is that an intimate relationship is very private and a partner who confides in friends breaks the confidentiality boundaries which a couple have a right to expect. This can cause problems for the relationship. It can be interpreted as a lack of respect for the partner's privacy. Seeking professional support from a relationship-focused counsellor <!-- not advert: (e.g., [[Relate]])  Convenience link while redrafting: was Ref3 - --> should not normally have the same danger. 

In other words - "''your friends are likely to side with you.''"
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'''Seeking support - relationship therapy'''

In seeking support via psychological therapy it has been found that the most important factor is the counsellor who performs the counselling. The actual therapy model or "theory" which the counsellor uses is less important.
Amongst [[Family_therapy#Summary of theories and techniques|dozens of techniques]] are several therapy theories which have been empirically proven to be successful in helping intimate relationships.<ref name="Four therapy models">'''Four therapy models which have proven successful''', by Jay Lebow, 2006. ''Scoreboard for Couples Therapies''.</ref><!-- Convenience link while drafting: was Ref24 - -->

However, who delivers the therapy is more important than which particular model the therapist follows.<ref name="Is Who Delivers the Treatment More Important Than the Treatment Itself?"></ref> 

Due to this finding there has been a call for a "paradigm shift" in training for therapists and counsellors. Therapists are more successful if they can fit the appropriate advice to the person's worldview. <ref name="Is Who Delivers the Treatment More Important Than the Treatment Itself?">'''Is Who Delivers the Treatment More Important Than the Treatment Itself?'''  by Adrian J. Blow, Douglas H. Sprenkle, Sean D. Davis. ''the Role of the Therapist in Common Factors''.</ref><!-- Convenience link while drafting: was Ref23 - --> 

A mindful, [[#Thinking about thinking|ACT]], approach has been shown to give the best results for long term success. Being mindful is better than running to a therapist or turning to drink or drugs when problems arise. <ref name="Mindful approach to depression">{{cite book |title=Mindful approach to depression - M-[[CBT]] |last=Segal |first=Z.V. |year=2010 |publisher=Archives of General Psychiatry |location= |isbn= |page=4 | <!-- error msg: wikilink conflict. Try to reformat url: url=http://archpsyc.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/67/12/1256  |accessdate=19 April 2011 --> }}</ref>


[[Caffeine]] may cause or exacerbate anxiety disorders.<ref>{{cite book |last=Scott |first=Trudy |chapter=Caffeine and Anxiety |title=The Antianxiety Food Solution: How the Foods You Eat Can Help You Calm Your Anxious Mind, Improve Your Mood, and End Cravings |chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=WTpZzTruKMgC&pg=PA59 |accessdate=October 7, 2012 |year=2011 |publisher=New Harbinger Publications |isbn=978-1-57224-926-4 |page=59–60}}</ref><ref name ="Winston_2005">{{cite journal |doi=10.1192/apt.11.6.432 |title=Neuropsychiatric effects of caffeine |year=2005 |last1=Winston |first1=Anthony P. |first2=Elizabeth |last2=Hardwick |first3=Neema |last3=Jaberi |journal=Advances in Psychiatric Treatment |volume=11 |issue=6 |pages=432–9}}</ref> A number of clinical studies have shown a positive association between caffeine and [[anxiogenic]] effects and/or [[panic disorder]].<ref name="Hughes_1996">{{cite journal |doi=10.1016/S0278-6915(02)00096-0 |title=Effects of caffeine on human behavior |year=2002 |last1=Smith |first1=A. |journal=Food and Chemical Toxicology |volume=40 |issue=9 |pages=1243–55 |pmid=12204388}}</ref><ref name="pmid21797659">{{cite journal |doi=10.1586/ern.11.83 |title=Caffeine challenge test and panic disorder: A systematic literature review |year=2011 |last1=Vilarim |first1=Marina Machado |last2=Rocha Araujo |first2=Daniele Marano |last3=Nardi |first3=Antonio Egidio |journal=Expert Review of Neurotherapeutics |volume=11 |issue=8 |pages=1185–95 |pmid=21797659|s2cid=5364016 }}</ref><ref name="pmid21797659" /> Anxiety sufferers can have high caffeine sensitivity.<ref>{{cite journal |doi=10.1016/0165-1781(85)90078-2 |title=Anxiety and caffeine consumption in people with anxiety disorders |year=1985 |last1=Lee |first1=Myung Ae |last2=Cameron |first2=Oliver G. |last3=Greden |first3=John F. |journal=Psychiatry Research |volume=15 |issue=3 |pages=211–7 |pmid=3862156|hdl=2027.42/25630 |s2cid=24935569 }}</ref><ref name="Lee et al">{{cite journal |pmid=3358468 |year=1988 |last1=Lee |first1=MA |last2=Flegel |first2=P |last3=Greden |first3=JF |last4=Cameron |first4=OG |title=Anxiogenic effects of caffeine on panic and depressed patients |volume=145 |issue=5 |pages=632–5 |journal=The American Journal of Psychiatry|doi=10.1176/ajp.145.5.632 }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |doi=10.1001/archpsyc.1992.01820110031004 |title=Anxiogenic Effects of Caffeine in Patients with Anxiety Disorders |year=1992 |last1=Bruce |first1=Malcolm |journal=Archives of General Psychiatry |volume=49 |issue=11 |pages=867–9 |pmid=1444724 |last2=Scott |first2=N |last3=Shine |first3=P |last4=Lader |first4=M}}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |doi=10.1016/j.comppsych.2006.12.001 |title=Caffeine challenge test in panic disorder and depression with panic attacks |year=2007 |last1=Nardi |first1=Antonio E. |last2=Lopes |first2=Fabiana L. |last3=Valença |first3=Alexandre M. |last4=Freire |first4=Rafael C. |last5=Veras |first5=André B. |last6=De-Melo-Neto |first6=Valfrido L. |last7=Nascimento |first7=Isabella |last8=King |first8=Anna Lucia |last9=Mezzasalma |first9=Marco A. |journal=Comprehensive Psychiatry |volume=48 |issue=3 |pages=257–63 |pmid=17445520}}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |doi=10.1038/npp.2010.71 |title=Association of the Anxiogenic and Alerting Effects of Caffeine with ADORA2A and ADORA1 Polymorphisms and Habitual Level of Caffeine Consumption |year=2010 |last1=Rogers |first1=Peter J |last2=Hohoff |first2=Christa |last3=Heatherley |first3=Susan V |last4=Mullings |first4=Emma L |last5=Maxfield |first5=Peter J |last6=Evershed |first6=Richard P |last7=Deckert |first7=Jürgen |last8=Nutt |first8=David J |journal=Neuropsychopharmacology |volume=35 |issue=9 |pages=1973–83 |pmid=20520601 |pmc=3055635}}</ref>


== Criticism ==

“Science, when applied to personal relationships, is always ''just wrong''.”

<sub>~ [[E. M. Forster]]</sub>
<ref name="science">{{cite book |title=''Selected Letters'' |last=E. M. Forster |authorlink=E. M. Forster |year= |publisher= |location=Letter 231, to W. J. H. Sprott, 28 June 1923 |isbn= |page= |pages=   }}</ref>


== See also ==
{{portalpar|Psychology}}
{{portalpar|Mind and Brain}}
{{portalpar|Neuroscience}}
{{also|Intimate relationships|Psychology|Self-help|Dysfunctional family|Family therapy|Relationship breakup|Interpersonal communication relationship dissolution|Behavior analysis of child development|Personal development|Mental toughness|Learned industriousness}}
:''[[wikiversity:en:Happiness_and_Life#Have_a_Happy_Relationship|Have a Happy Relationship]]''
:''[[Sexual attraction]], [[Bad boy (archetype)]], [[Dating (activity)|Dating]], [[Human bonding]], [[Interpersonal compatibility]], [[Love (scientific views)]], [[Platonic love]], [[Puppy love]], [[Seduction]], [[Beer goggles]], [[Vulnerability and Care Theory of Love]], [[Psychological resilience#Resilience building|Psychological resilience]]''


==References==
{{Reflist}}

==External Links==
{{wikiquote}}
See [[Outline of relationships]].

{{Parenting|state=expanded}}


{{Love|state=expanded}}


{{Attachment theory|state=expanded}}


{{Psychology|state=expanded}}


{{Psychotherapy|state=expanded}}


{{Evolutionary psychology|state=expanded}}


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|title = Further articles related to personal relationship skills
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|list =
{{Human sexuality}}
{{evolution}}
{{Biology-footer}}
{{Neuroscience}}
{{emotion-footer}}
{{Family law|state=expanded}}
}}

== Dissolution of marriages ==
<!-- recheck the list in DISSOLUTION sub-list4 of the Family Law navbox, above.   The list below was pasted from that DISSOLUTION navbox in Dec 2020.  -->
* [[Divorce]]
* [[Adultery]]
* [[Grounds for divorce]]
* [[No-fault divorce]]
* [[Matrimonial Causes Act]]
* [[Legal separation]]
* [[Alimony]] 
* [[Parenting plan]]
* [[Residence in English family law|Residence [UK (E.W. and NI)]]]
* [[Parental responsibility (access and custody)|Parental rights]]
* [[Custody evaluation|Custody Evaluator (U.S.)]]
* [[Parenting coordinator|Parenting coordinator (U.S.)]]


<!-- need to edit image to zoom in on the couple. Need section on "optimistic comparisons", with a "climbing mountain together" metaphor  
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{{ImageNoteControl|img=[[File:300° Diedamskopf Panorama.jpg|thumb|1000px|Climbing together.]]|notes=off}}


{{DEFAULTSORT:Personal relationship skills}}
[[:Category:Interpersonal relationships]]
[[:Category:Psychotherapy]]