User talk:Chingla

POP Review

This is a great wikipedia page. It is clear you've done a lot of research and you do an excellent job of staying neutral while presenting research to support your entry. Given how many chemicals there are that are classified as POPs, I think your page will have some heavy traffic!! There are some points where you need to be more consistent in citing. In general, you do a good job and have quality sources vs. quantity. Overall, the largest critiques I have are structural/organizational (see below). As with all writing, the grammar and flow is a never ending process of improvement, but overall you do a good job. I did go through and directly edit some things to help out!

It would be helpful to add current research going on as POPs and how corporations are responding to the international convention. In addition, there is a lot more information you can provide on various environmental effects POPs have in our world. You mention wildlife but what about the environment. DDT decimated Vietnam. I get it is hard to do since every specific POP is different, but perhaps a general, broad section on environmental impacts will be useful. I think some are linked to climate change as well. Are there any numbers you can find to support its environmental impact. Finally, I believe a section on how you clean up these chemicals or handle them might be useful. Once again, it probably varies from chemical to chemical, but i'm sure there is a broad technique that generally works. This section could even be nested under the environmental section.

Once again, this is a GREAT wikipedia page. I'm being very nitpicky and pushy. I truly do think it'll generate a lot of traffic and it is necessary to have. If you have any questions feel free to email me or talk to me after class. I'd be happy to help in any way possible.

Introduction

• I think the first paragraph can be eliminated entirely and should start with commercial uses seen in the second paragraph. The third and first are redundant, but the third is stronger
• Overall the introduction was good. The fact that you concluded with the international conference conferred a degree of neutrality and showed its current state in our society today.

Compound

• If you delete the first paragraph of the introduction, make sure to wikilink: photolytic, chemical, and biological degredation
• Wikilink porphyria turcica under “HCB”
• The paragraph on mirex contradicts itself by claiming to be harmless to humans but also a carcinogen. I don't agree with the comments left by another reviewer asking to specify the health effects of DDT. Since you are wikilinking it to another page, I think it suffices to give a brief summary and not have to go too in depth. That is true for all the 12 deadly POPs. I was expecting the compounds section to be more in depth compound analysis. Maybe it is better to rename the section “history of POPS”

Chemical Properties

• The last two sentences are a bit choppy and could be reworded to flow better.Also, since long range transport is a function of its chemical volatility, maybe it makes more sense to nest the two topics together.

Health Effects

• The endocrine section needs some grammatical work in terms of flow. Also, the reproductive system, endocrine system, and exposure during pregnancy can all go under “endocrine sections” as they are all rooted in hormone disruption. Perhaps there could be mini sections, but it needs to be condensed and synthesized to avoid being repetitive and to be more organized.
• Similarly, the obesity, cardiovascular disease, and diabetes are all chronic diseases caused by POPs. I suspect all three have to do with lipoproteins. Is there anyway you can combine them all into one “chronic disease” section describing generally the lipoproteins. Then having subsections diving deeper into its relationship with obesity, cardiovascular disease, and diabetes? I’m not sure if that makes sense.

Stockholm Convention and POP Indoors

• These sections are good, just needs to be edited for grammar and flow. — Preceding unsigned comment added by EDDendocrinelover1 (talk • contribs) 01:21, 12 April 2014 (UTC)