Domestic violence in lesbian relationships

Domestic violence in same-sex relationships

Violence in lesbian relationships

Although domestic violence is seen as a widely known heterosexual issue, domestic violence occurs just as frequently within lesbian relationships. Domestic violence within lesbian relationships is the pattern of violent and coercive behaviour where a lesbian seeks to control the thoughts, beliefs, or conduct of her intimate partner or to inflict punishment on her partner for resisting control.

The discussion about domestic violence among lesbians has become a serious social concern. However, the issue is highly ignored due to the social construction of gender roles that women are expected to play in society. The social construction of women is characterized as passive, dependent, nurturing, and highly emotional. Due to forms of discrimination, homophobia, and heterosexism, and the belief that heterosexuality is normative within society, domestic violence has been characterized as being between the male perpetrator and the female victim. This contributes to the invisibility of the frequency of domestic violence that constantly takes place within lesbian relationships. Moreover, the fear of reinforcing negative stereotypes has led some community members, activists, and victims to deny the extent of violence among lesbians. Furthermore, social service agencies are often unwilling to assist lesbian victims of domestic violence.

According to the statistics gathered from the local, state, and federal law enforcement agencies, and social service agencies, approximately 3.9 million women are physically abused by their female partners and 20.7 million are verbally or emotionally abused by their female partners. Consequently, victims of domestic violence in their lesbian relationships are less likely to report the violent acts to authorities, less likely to have the case prosecuted within a legal system, and often have the case overlooked by helping agencies and the general public. In an effort to overcome the denial of domestic violence in lesbian relationships, advocates for abused women often concentrate on similarities between homosexual and heterosexual domestic violence.

The issue of domestic violence in lesbian relationships has been entirely ignored, both in academic analyses and in the establishment of social services for battered women. Although many founders of the battered women’s movement were lesbians, the issue of battering between women often remains deeply buried, ignored or denied by heterosexual women and lesbians alike. The main goal of activists is to legitimize lesbian domestic violence as real abuse and validate the experience of its victims.

The scope of domestic violence among lesbian relationships displays the pattern of intimidation, coercion, terrorism, or violence that achieves enhanced power and control for the perpetrator over her partner. The forms of domestic violence in lesbian relationships include physical abuse such as hitting, choking, using weapons, or restraining; emotional abuse such as, lies, neglect, and degradation; intimidation threats such as harming the victim or their family, or pets; sexual abuse such as forcing sex or refusing safe sex; destruction of property such as vandalizing the home and damaging furniture and clothing, and personal objects; economic such as controlling the victim’s money and forcing financial dependence. In addition, psychological abuse was found to be common among lesbian victims. Findings from studies have shown that slapping was most the commonly reported form of abuse, while beatings and assaults with weapons were less frequent. Sexual violence within lesbian relationships was as high as 55%. The most frequent type included forced kissing, breast and genital fondling, and oral, anal, or vaginal penetration. 80% of victims reported psychological abuse and verbal abuse. For example, being called names, yelled at, and insulted.

Factors that contribute to domestic violence in lesbian relationships include: heterosexism and homophobia, minority stress, emotional isolation, lack of community ties, and the re-victimization of women who have previously suffered abuse. The political context of homophobia and heterosexism is essential for understanding the experience of lesbian victims of domestic violence. Also homophobia is an important factor in shaping the experience of domestic violence in lesbian relationships. For example, mental health agencies still contain homophobic and heterosexual beliefs which limit the extent of the services provided to the victims. For instance, women who face domestic abuse experience violence within the context of a world that is not only misogynistic but is also homophobic.

In addition to heterosexism and homophobia, lesbians have to deal with the issue of minority stress which can include the fear of being outted, internalized homophobia, lifetime and recent experiences of discrimination, the butch/femme identity, and relationship quality. Unlike heterosexual women, lesbian women must accept that they live in a society in which their lives are not the norm. A degree of self-disclosure or outness, experiences of discrimination and hate crimes, internalized homophobia, and sexual and gender identity are associated with relationship quality and domestic violence.The lack of disclosure can lead to women becoming isolated within their relationship, potentially increasing pressure to maintain the status quo and becoming hesitant instead of addressing the problems directly. This secrecy and isolation may place additional stress on the relationship by depriving the couple of external validation and support for their relationship, which may lead to increased risk for domestic violence. Furthermore, not being out reduces the visibility of a woman’s same-sex relationship and exposure to role models, which may create a sense that she lacks other options, making her more likely to tolerate abuse from her partner. Women who hide their sexuality feel hesitant to seek help for problems associated with domestic violence.

Internalized homophobia has also been hypothesized to be associated with violence against members of one’s own group. Thus, a woman with negative feelings about lesbians might engage in violence against her own partner. Internalized homophobia may also be associated with both current and past victimization. For example, a woman who is victimized by a female partner may experience negative feelings about herself as a lesbian and other lesbians. A woman who believes that she is unworthy may believe that she deserves to be treated abusively. Also, a perpetrator may use her partner’s internalized homophobia to justify her own violence. For example, societal discrimination promotes homophobia, which becomes internalized when lesbians accept society’s negative evaluations of them and incorporates these beliefs into their self-concept. This contributes to low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, denial of group membership, and difficulty being in committed and trusting relationships. These negative feelings are then acted out in the form of lesbian battering. Also women fear that they might suffer from isolation, risk of losing their job, housing or family as consequences to homophobia and internalized homophobia. A woman who abuses her female partner can use homophobic control as a method of psychological abuse, which further isolates the victim. For example, an abuser may out her partner without permission by revealing her sexual orientation to others, including relatives, employers, and landlords, and in child custody cases. This form of abuse could result in a variety of negative consequences for the victim, such as being shunned by family members and the loss of children, a job, and housing.

Domestic violence in lesbian relationships happens for many reasons. Domestic violence can occur due to control. Violence is most frequently employed as a tactic for achieving interpersonal power or control over their partner. Also perceived loss of power or control may also lead to increased violence within the relationship. The alienation and isolation imposed by internalized and external oppression may construct loss of control, and the need to reclaim it becomes the central concern for lesbians. Lesbians may be denied control over numerous aspects of their lives. For example, if a lesbian opens up about her sexual orientation, she may lose her family, friends, children, job, and housing. However, if she remains in the closet, she is also denied control, subjected to continuous self-monitoring, and forced to deal with stress so that she could hide her identity and her intimate relationship from the eyes of others.

Another reason why domestic violence can occur is because of dependency. The need to achieve balance between separateness and connection has been identified as the primary task in relationships.The degree of dependence on a relationship and on one’s intimate partner causes abuse. Lesbians who report more frequent use of violent tactics in conflict with their partner will report a higher level of dependency as a personality trait. Self-esteem is another underlying factor of domestic abuse. Low self-esteem and a negative self-image are qualities that characterize both perpetrators and victims of heterosexual domestic violence. The jealousy and the possessiveness that are frequently linked to battering behaviour are associated with problems of low self-esteem and negative self-concept. Lesbians who report more frequent use of violent tactics in conflicts with their partners will report a lower level of self-esteem as a personality trait.