Talk:Madge Syers/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sarastro1 (talk) 23:31, 21 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

A very interesting article which is very nicely written. Just a few points which come to mind:

"Edgar was an exponent of the international skating style, which was freer and less rigid than the traditional English style…": Could this be illustrated with examples, as "freer and less rigid" is rather vague?
- I should read up on the development of the international style generally to get a better understanding so I can expand this a little, one of the book sources has a chapter on it. January (talk) 12:22, 22 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"The Syers co-authored The Book of Winter Sports in 1908." This is a little jarring as it is unconnected with the rest of the section.
- Yes, I didn't think it sat particularly well there. That was because I moved it out of the later life section after realising I'd implied it was written after the Olympics which I don't know to be the case. Will think about it. January (talk) 08:15, 22 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"was presumed to be an all-male event": Maybe "regarded" would be a better word here, as presumed suggests that people wrongly thought only men could enter whereas women were always explicitly allowed to enter. It seems more of an oversight than a conscious decision.
- Amended to "was regarded as an all-male event". January (talk) 12:34, 22 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"who won second place": As he didn't win, maybe "achieved" would work better?
- Actually, I prefer "won the silver medal". So changed. Courcelles 23:31, 21 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"(it was given World Championship status in 1924)": Perhaps this should be a note so that the flow is not interrupted.
"due to fading health": Can we be more precise here? Presumably this was connected to her early death?
- Unfortunately the source isn't really any more detailed: "Her health, which had caused her to withdraw from the British championships in February 1908, began to fade and she retired from skating. Shortly afterwards she fell ill with acute endocarditis, and on 9 September 1917 she died of heart failure" (it's the first mention in that article of her health). January (talk) 08:08, 22 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Everything else looks OK, but I would like one more read through tomorrow before I put it on hold, unless you reply before then. --Sarastro1 (talk) 23:31, 21 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Another read through shows no problems; spot checks all fine, sourcing and image good. The only remaining issue is the one on skating style, and this is not enough to stop this being a GA, so passing now. --Sarastro1 (talk) 13:56, 22 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]