Simon Quinlank

Overview

Simon Quinlank was a character from Lee And Herring's Fist of Fun. He was a self proclaimed 'Hobby Lion' and King of all hobbies. Quinlank is an obsessive, bookish character, who always dresses in black and wears thick glasses.

Simon Quinlank's more famous hobbies include 'Arse Rubbing', 'Egg Smashing' and (the author's personal favourite) 'Old Man Collecting'. SQ appears to live in a fairly cluttered room where he introduces the week's hobby, some of the paraphenalia on the walls reflect his hobbies.

Some of the hobbies thought up by Quinlank tend to come close to, and in some cases, flagrantly break the law, indicating a wild streak to his character. For instance, during Egg Smashing he breaks into a sperm bank to smash frozen eggs, and also smashes the eggs of a wild bird. However, there is an honour code to his activities... while it is OK to lock an old man in a room with other old men, this can not be done by physical coercion which is against the rules of Old Man Collecting, which are stated in the book, 'Old Man Collecting Rules' by Simon Quinlank.

Weak Lemon Drink

Each hobby is different, but all have one common factor; the requirement of a flask of weak lemon drink. The purpose of this is unclear, but the watcher is informed when this can and can't be drunk.

Personal Issues

There are a few moments where a streak a sadism appears in Simon Quinlank's personality. The fury with which he smashes eggs, the physical coercion mentioned above, and the demand way in which he implores people to answer him. It is probably safe to assume that Simon Quinlank is essentially asexual, being a single, lonely man obsessed with hobbies. However, in Arse Rubbing, he admits it is a good hobby for gays and women, but then states - perhaps too forcefully - that he is not gay, or a woman. Also in Train Ignoring, he physically coerces an inferior hobbyist by twisting his arm and forcing him to admit that he is gay.