Children who bully

      Bullying is a problem that is widespread in schools across every nation in the world.  Bullies come from different types of households, with different socio-economic status’, and varying problems.  They all have one common link; the typical bully is a child who chooses bad behaviors because he doesn't feel connected to people in general - and to his parents in particular (Meltz, 2003). Bullying may be physical (hitting or kicking); verbal (name-calling, insults, racist comments and constant teasing); relational (gossip, ostracism); or reactive (taunting which invites retaliation) (Voices for Children, 2000).  Other research defines bullying in many other forms as well.  There may be cyber, emotional, physical, racist, sexual, and verbal bullying (Shroff, 2004).  Through the many forms of bullying, children gain power and acceptance often times with a heavy price to pay…a lack of personal relationships with peers and family.

How does a child become a bully? Through recent research psychologists have discovered that bullies tend to be babies that were bad sleepers, picky eaters, and cried more when picked up. A parent’s natural instinct is to make their child happy and so they comply but through this process the baby becomes emotionally detached from the parents. They pull away from social cues and intimacy which in turn leads to a toddler that can’t relate to its peers. The theory is that a difficult baby's temperament gets in the way of your ability to communicate with her and her ability to respond. Because she never learns to read complex social signals, she becomes the 2-year-old

who bites, the 3-year-old who throws blocks, the 4-year-old who pushes, and the 5-year-old who teachers secretly call a bully (Meltz, 2003). So this child enters a school system and the following information will become true of them too. Being a boy raises the risk of more physical violence and parental concern. Boys and girls engage in bullying at approximately the same rate. Boys report more physical forms of bullying, whereas girls bully in socially-oriented ways, such as by exclusion (Voices for Children, 2000). Boys tend to bully in a more physical form. For instance, in gym class a non-athletic boy may be made an example of (constantly showing inadequacy through the sport being played) instead of ignoring the boy. Boys also bully girls in a different way. Although boys tend to get more physical with each other, with girls name-calling and harassment are more common. Boys are more likely victims of violence on school property by about a three-to-one margin. The area of greater violence against females is sexual harassment (Gurian, 2001). Male violence, especially amongst boys, is prevalent in every school system in the United States. Males perpetrate more violence on each other and on our females than all other cultures except those at war (Gurian, 2001). Boys are born with a brain that is chemically wired towards more violent acts than females. Boys lash out physically (and with more sexual aggression and physical rage than school-age girls) (Gurian 2001). This lashing out is due to the anatomy of the male brain where testosterone levels are higher and therefore males express stress through physical exertions. A perfect example

is in a preschool classroom where many boys bump, tap, and tackle each other on a daily basis. These boys are expressing themselves through physical means. Without teaching verbal expressions in schools, teachers are suppressing boys’ expressions. The U.S. Department of Justice found that as early as first grade it can predict who the offender males will be (Gurian, 2001). Most boys that become bullies are often poor learners in school or perform poorly in school. School performance is a key factor to male’s self-conception of shame, inadequacy, and ultimately compensatory aggression against others (Gurian, 2001). When males begin to do poorly in school, their self-image begins to crumble and they seek out aggressive relationships to deal with the stress from school. Through the American culture children have become desensitized to violence and see more violent acts everyday than previously reported with other generations. Our nation’s boys are more violent than any other country except those at war. This is a sad predicament to be in and unless American culture changes the violence and bullying will continue to become more of a problem in schools across the nation. Analysis Bullying is a problem that is prevalent in today’s society and especially among young boys. There are many ideas and theories about what causes children to become bullies and how to deal properly with children exhibiting these behaviors. There are also many forms of bullying with new ones emerging every day. Cyber bulling is a perfect example of generational bullying. This form is gaining popularity at the turn of the century however, ten years ago and ten years from now it likely will be obsolete. As with all problems…everyone has a solution. As you take a closer look, bullying is big problem that has quickly become the norm for every classroom in America. What can today’s teachers do to identify and deal with bullying in the classroom? This paper will analyze the theories of bullying and forms that boys are most likely to engage in. The theories on bullying vary from observed behavior, learned behavior, major life changes, and low self-esteem. The most research available is for observed behavior and learned behavior (I will discuss these more in depth). Most information online gives suggestions for dealing with bullies and ways to speak with your children about bullies. Very few offered practical solutions or reasons for the violence. They simply tell you that bullies seek out weaker individuals to tease and manipulate. Finding information on the theory of bullying becomes a difficult task for someone interested in delving further into the subject. Observed behavior seems to be the most popular theory. This theory basically states that if a child witness’s violence they are more likely to act it out through play or aggressive acts. Bullies might not realize how hurtful their actions can be, but some know the pain firsthand because they've been bullied or have been victims of abuse themselves (Shroff, 2004). This seems to be the first excuse given for children demonstrating aggressive acts towards others. “Oh, they must have gotten that from home,” is a common statement uttered by teachers everywhere when a child acts different from their peers. This theory has gained popularity with parents because they hear that children witness violence on TV and therefore they must have picked up the violent behavior from the media. More data needs to be collected for this theory. How many acts does a child need to witness to become a bully? Does media violence and abuse have the same effects on children? What percentage of children witnessing violence become violent themselves? Do boys become bullies more often than girls when observing violence? So many questions left unanswered but each is an integral part of understanding bullying. The learned theory of bullying is fairly new research. This theory states that infants fail to form emotional connections with parents. As time passes these infants continue to turn away from parents and become difficult children. Meltz (2003) states: The theory is that a difficult baby's temperament gets in the way of your ability to communicate with her and her ability to respond. Because she never learns to read complex social signals, she becomes the 2-year-old who bites, the 3-year-old who throws blocks, the 4-year-old who pushes, and the 5-year-old who teachers secretly call a bully. Of all the theories this is the most scientifically backed research. Children are born difficult; they cry often, are inconsolable, and prefer self-comforting. This theory offers parents suggestions on rituals and therapies for children with these tendencies. This is a brain-based theory dealing with moral reasoning and attachment issues. Again a researcher comes to the same problem as the observed theory…too many questions left unanswered. What is the longitudinal research on this theory? How many babies exhibiting these behaviors turn into difficult children and eventually bullies? Do boys have a higher rate of occurrence than girls? Do girls respond to therapy better than boys? Through all the research I kept coming back to the same issues; conflicting ideas and solutions. National and state findings were specific for the area but not definitive. According to a 2004 KidsHealth KidsPoll, 86% of more than 1,200 9- to 13-year-old boys and girls polled said they've seen someone else being bullied, 48% said they've been bullied, and 42% admitted to bullying other kids at least once in a while (Shroff, 2004). Another study stated that, “A major study in Toronto schools found that a bullying act took place on school grounds, and in other supervised areas of the school, every seven minutes,” (Voices for Children, 2000). What exactly is the difference between 48% of students in America and every seven minutes in Canada? Here is where publications state facts which to the reader could be very different but to the researcher are much the same. Who’s to know? Research tells us that there are about five forms of bullying; physical, verbal, sexual, cyber, and emotional. In this area there was more evidence to support differences between boys and girls. Boys are likely to use physical, verbal, and sexual bullying most often. Boys aren't as subtle and they can get physical. For example, boy bullies are more apt to insult their victims on the playground than ignore them (Meltz, 2003). Males perpetrate more violence on each other and on our females than all other cultures except those at war (Gurian, 2001). Boys bully each other and girls in different ways also. A boy bullies another boy usually through physical means such as hitting, kicking, pushing, and poking; and through verbal insults. Boys tend to verbally bully girls in younger years and sexually harass girls starting around age ten-twelve. An example is a group of boys rating girls on their looks as they walk through the hall between classes. All of these different types of bullying take a toll on a girl's self-esteem and, like other forms of bullying, can leave emotional scars for years to come (Zarzour, 2006). Emotional and verbal bullying are very similar. Emotional bullying is defined as more subtle and can involve isolating or excluding a child from activities (i.e., shunning the victim in the lunchroom or on school outings) or spreading rumors. This kind of bullying is especially common among girls (Meltz, 2003). Emotional bullying can include the verbal aspect of bullying when dealing with rumors and gossip. Verbal bullying usually involves name-calling, incessant mocking, and laughing at a child's expense (Meltz, 2003). Verbal bullying tends to rule the playground and classroom. Even in a preschool classroom where I teach the students constantly are on each other about the littlest thing. Young students get offended so easily that something as simple as “slow poke” gets a child upset. It’s human nature to tease and make-fun of others. The real question is when does it become bullying? Cyber bullying is a new phenomena occurring on computers around the world. Cyber bullying began surfacing as modern communication technologies advanced. Through email, instant messaging, Internet chat rooms, and electronic gadgets like camera cell phones, cyber bullies forward and spread hurtful images and/or messages. Bullies use this technology to harass victims at all hours, in wide circles, at warp speed (Shroff, 2004). There is no data surrounding the rate of occurrence of cyber bullying between girls and boys. Since girls tend to verbally and emotionally bully their victims it would seem that girls would use this means more frequently than boys. More information and data needs to be collected about cyber bullying before drawing any conclusions from the information. After all the research was completed on this topic there are still so many unanswered questions. What makes a bully? What are the factors that effect children and how do boys differ from girls? What is a parent or teacher to do? The statistics all share a different story and are confusing. A parent would be bombarded by all the information and be overloaded with facts and tips. As a teacher we should be trained in identifying the types of bullying. Discipline systems need to be established that conquer the classroom bully. We all know that being bullied is hurtful and scars some people for life. We all have a story of how at some part of our life we met a person that became our biggest nightmare. Should this be typical for all students that have such events seared in their minds forever? Educators and parents need to look more closely at the causes and effects of childhood violence. Only then can we serve our children better and prevent dangerous situations from arising.

Gurian, M. (2001). Boys and girls learn differently! A guide for teachers and parents. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Meltz, B. (2003). Young Bullies Often Lack Emotional Connections. The Boston Globe. Retrieved October 18, 2006, from http://www.peaceeducators.org/meltz.html

Shroff, J. (2004). Bullying and Your Child. Nemours Foundation. Retrieved October 13, 2006, from http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/bullies.html

Voices for Children. (2000). Fact Sheet #15- Bullying. Voices for Children. Retrieved October 17, 2006, from http://www.cfc-efc.ca/docs/vocfc/00000805.htm

Zarzour, K. (2006). Facing the Schoolyard Bully. Girls Health. Retrieved October 13, 2006, from http://www.girlshealth.gov/bullying/boysbullying.htm